Marriage & Divorce

Transcript

GR 1319
03-12-06
Marriage and Divorce
I Corinthians 7:10-16
Gil Rugh

I Corinthians 7 in your Bibles. We're talking about the subject of marriage and various matters related to marriage. And naturally when you talk about marriage you talk about divorce and what could break a marriage. And Paul is going to cover that in the section that we're coming to. In our previous study we talked about matters related and background to the issue of divorce, and if you weren't here for that, I encourage you to get the tape from our previous study. Just sets some background. There is so much that can be said when you talk about the subject of marriage and all that's involved in marriage, the issue of divorce and remarriage. We want to have a biblical understanding. We're not going to be exhaustive on this subject by any means, and primarily limiting ourselves to what Paul addresses in I Corinthians 7 and relating that to what Christ said during His earthly ministry. Because Paul relates to that as well.

He opened the chapter by talking about responsibilities within the marriage relationship, particularly the physical responsibilities of husband and wife to one another and the fulfilling of those responsibilities. And he recognized the value of celibacy and a single life, but he called that a gift from God. And not everyone has that as their gift, and he'll talk more about the single life later in chapter 7.

When you come to chapter 7 verse 10, he's going to address the matter of divorce, and that's going to be his subject matter down through verse 16. The responsibility that we have in our marriages, he's going to address first the marriage of two believers married to one another. What about the issue of divorce there? Then he is going to address the issue of a believer married to an unbeliever. What about the issue of divorce in that kind of situation? He doesn't directly talk at all about the relationship of two unbelievers. Now certain things that are said in the scripture would apply to that, such as God has ordained marriage and He has established it with His authority. And when two unbelievers are married, they are married before God and by God, in the sense of their marriage is under His authority and they are bound. And when they break their marriage vows, that is something that they will be held accountable for. But his concern is with those who have experienced His redeeming grace through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ and now are living as His children, as His servants, and who do have lives and marriages that are to be a manifestation of the work of His grace in their lives.

It seems in Corinth some had developed the thinking that it might be a holier life, a more godly life if you abstained from sexual relations, even if you're married, and perhaps a single life, perhaps divorce and devoting yourself completely to God would be a more desirable lifestyle. That is an issue that will resurface in a later letter of Paul. We'll be there later in our study—I Timothy 4, he warns of false teachers who infiltrate the church, promoting an idea that a single life is better than a married life, and abstaining from certain foods is better and so on. So Paul is addressing issues in the church at Corinth and he's answering questions they have raised. Chapter 7 verse 1 started out, now concerning the things about which you wrote me. So this whole subject of marriage, marriage and divorce, the single life, these are issues that have been raised by the Corinthians and they're asking Paul for his input.

Verses 10-11 deal with the responsibility of believers to one another in the marriage relationship, and is it possible that they should dissolve their marriage relationship. Well we start out in verse 10, but to the married I give instructions, and Paul, he's talking about the marriage of two believers here as the context indicates. I give instructions, not I, but the Lord. Down in verse 12 he'll say, but to the rest I say, not the Lord. So in verse 10 he says, I give instructions, but it's not me, it's the Lord. But in verse 12, I give instructions, but not the Lord. The contrast here is not whether Paul is inspired by God to write what he writes, the issue is for the first part, Jesus Christ spoke to this issue when He taught during His earthly ministry. What is said in verses 10-11, it's just repeating what Christ taught during His earthly ministry. Beginning with verse 12 Paul addresses a subject that Jesus Christ did not address during His earthly ministry. So I'm not passing on material that you have heard from Christ's earthly ministry. But it is the authoritative Word of God nonetheless.

To the married I give instructions. That word instructions is not a strong enough word for the Greek word used, parangelo. Means to give a command, an authoritative charge. It's used a number of times in the New Testament, almost always relating to giving commands to believers on how they are to live the Christian life, the life of a believer in Jesus Christ. And Paul says, it's not just me that's giving this command, but this is a command that Christ gave during His earthly ministry, when He taught on the subject of marriage and divorced. So to the married I give a command, give commands, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband. And previously we've looked into passages like Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12. And we'll go back there later in our study. These are times when Jesus Christ addressed the subject, and He said to the married, they must not divorce. Now when he says at the end of verse 10, the wife should not leave her husband, that word means to divorce. It's a word that means to leave, to send away, but in the context of marriage it is used to refer to divorce. In fact, the same basic word is used down at the end of verse 11, the husband should not divorce his wife. My version of the New American Standard uses the word divorce. It's the same basic word that is translated leave at the end of verse 10. It means to divorce.

So to the married I give instructions, not I but the Lord, the wife should not leave her husband, and at the end of verse 11, and that the husband should not divorce his wife. So the wife should not divorce her husband, the husband should not divorce his wife. There should be no divorce going on, simple. That's the command, don't get divorced. So if you're a believer and you wonder whether you should stay married to your spouse who is a believer, the answer is yes. In fact, you have the command of the Lord on this, so you don't have to pray for His will, because His will is revealed. We say, oh Lord, show me your will. Well, open My letter and read it. He's given the command, He repeated the command through Paul. The husband should not divorce His wife, the wife should not divorce her husband. And remember in the Greek and Roman world women could divorce their husbands as well as husbands divorce their wives. And among the Jews a divorce was the male prerogative, the husband's prerogative, the women didn't divorce their husbands in Judaism. But in the Greek and Roman world women divorced their husbands, and it didn't necessarily take any legal ceremony to do it. You could just declare the marriage over and it was over. It was still true that more men divorced their wives than the other way around, because as it is true today, there are usually financial ramifications and so on for the woman, since generally the majority of income has been produced by the man. And that was true in New Testament times. But as far as freedom to get divorced, the women had as much freedom as the men. They could just declare themselves divorced from their husbands. But for two believers there should be no divorce, that's what Jesus taught—no divorce.

Well, he's hard to live with, she's a difficult person. No. You don't know what I'm going through. No, I don't. You don't understand my situation. No, I don't. I mean, I've never lived anyone's life but my own. That's true for all of us. We say oh, I know just what you're going through. Nobody knows just what you're going through, no one has just gone exactly through what you've gone through. I may have gone through similar circumstances but I'm not you. But then God is the authority for our lives, right? And his Word is final. So whatever your situation and circumstance, do not divorce your spouse.

But, verse 11, the first part of the verse, if she does leave, and he's talking about the wife here and then he includes the husband at the end, the same instructions pertain to him. If she does leave she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. If for any reason you end up divorced as a believer, here are your options—remain single or be reconciled to your spouse. Doesn't go into what happened here. I don't know, but we're two believers, we're divorced, what do we do? Well you can either remain unmarried or be reconciled to your husband. And the biblical directive would indicate that reconciliation is what you ought to be pursuing. We'll say why in a moment. Reconciliation, that's it, get back together. Well what about if I can't. Doesn't it say it is better to marry than to burn? Didn't God say it's not good for man to be alone? What do I do? Well in light of what God says here you draw upon His grace to live as He tells you you must live. You are either reconciled to your spouse or you remain single. That's not practical. Well, your problem is not with me. Don't go away saying Gil is hardhearted. I'm just trying to relate to you what God has said, and we know He is not hardhearted. He is kind and loving and gentle, but He gives instructions and commands. Be reconciled or remain single.

Turn back to Matthew 5. We need to be careful on this that we don't take this to mean well, my wife and I are going to get a divorce, we're going to separate. The Bible doesn't make a distinction between separating and divorcing, it talks about them as the same thing. And we're not going to get remarried so that will be all right, because that's an option, right? I Corinthians 7:11 says if you're divorced, then remain single or be reconciled. And we'll just remain single. But there is a factor here that we need to recognize. That's not giving us an alternative to select from, but it is addressing a situation that may be a reality. Look at Jesus' instructions in Matthew 5:31, it was said under the Law of Moses (Deuteronomy 24:1), whoever sends his wife away let him give her a certificate of divorce, but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except for the reason of unchastity, and that's the word pornea, fornication, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Jesus doesn't view it from the man's perspective because Jesus is addressing Jews, and in Judaism only the men divorced their wives, the wives didn't divorce their husbands. So he speaks here of man divorcing the woman. You'll note, everyone who divorces his wife except for immorality makes her commit adultery. So now we're not talking about just we're getting divorced and that's all right, I'll remain single. But if my spouse remarries I am guilty of causing my spouse to commit adultery because I divorced them. And whoever marries the spouse that I divorced has become and adulterer or adulteress. So now the wife that I divorced remarries and I am guilty of causing her to commit adultery. That does not excuse her from her sin, she will be accountable for her sin, and I will be accountable for contributing and causing that sin. And then the person who married her was guilty of adultery. So you see I've been involved in that. Now I have contributed to two other people committing adultery. That's why I say we better be careful in saying well I Corinthians 7 says I'm free to separate and divorce as long as I don't remarry. No, I Corinthians 7:11 addresses a situation that may be true of somebody, a couple, or whatever, but it's not saying this is okay for you to select as an option. Because if I divorce my spouse and they remarry, I become guilty in that. Oh I never intended them to remarry, we agreed we wouldn't remarry. Well the Bible already addressed this subject in the beginning of chapter 7 when it says you don't withhold yourself from one another except on rare occasions for special times of prayer. So we want to be careful that we don't take a verse a take it out of the context and then use it as an excuse to do what we want to do. I want to get out of this marriage so I'm going to take I Corinthians 7:11 and say it gives me the right to divorce as long as I don't remarry. It doesn't. It does address your situation if you are a believer who is divorced from another believer. Well it's not realistic for me to get back together with them and be reconciled. Then you'll have to remain single. I don't think that's realistic either. Well, I have to say you're wrong because God has said these are your choices and God never puts you in a position that is one that you cannot obey. So simple matter. I'm not saying it is easy, I'm saying it is simple, it is clear. It's not easy, there is a difference.

Turn over to Matthew 19. We need to understand the issue here. Jesus speaks a little more fully on the subject of marriage and divorce. We keep coming back to this because if we lose sight of it, things get blurred. And again Jesus, all of His ministry takes place basically to the Jews. I realize He speaks to the Samaritan woman and some other Gentiles, but basically His ministry is to the Jews. And in verse 4 the Pharisees have come to Jesus asking Him about divorce and in verse 4 Jesus took them back to Genesis. Didn't you read, God created them male and female at the beginning? And then in verse 5 we're told, for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, be joined to his wife, the two become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Now note this statement, what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. You ought to underline that. That's the issue in it all. It's God's authority that has joined these two in marriage. Woe to the man who declares he is overruling God. We think well, look, our legal system says I'm divorced so I'm divorced. Well that's what the legal system says, that's not what God says. God is not subject to our rules, we are subject to God's. Now we can break them but then we pay the consequence. What God has joined together, let no man separate. Divorce is an overt act of rebellion against God and His sovereign rule. That's what it says. What God has joined together. We say, well I don't think God joined our marriage. Well, you need to rethink, your thinking is not biblical. Even the marriage of two unbelievers is joined by God. Marriage has been instituted by God, it is a universal provision like human government, and it is binding on all, believer and unbeliever. The scripture is concerned to address believers because we are the ones who desire to live in obedience to God and have come into His family. But unbelievers will be judged for their adultery and immorality when they stand at the Great White Throne.

I'm aware that here he says except for immorality, fornication. Down in verse 9 we have the same exception, back in chapter 5—pornea. And we noted that, and immorality is a provision. We noted how we ought to look at that in our previous study. But it is a provision that may allow you to be divorced, and I take it that would allow for remarriage. We'll talk a little more about that in a little bit as we proceed in the study. But except for that exception to this point, no divorce. What about incompatibility? What about emotional suffering? What about living with an impossible person? What about it? You're not going to get me to add to the Word of God and thus come subject to the curses of anyone who adds to the Word or takes away from the Word. All I can do is read the same Bible you do. Verse 10, the disciples said to Him, if the relationship of a man to his wife is like this it's better not to marry. Ought to understand, when you get married, you are married. That great hunk of a man may turn into a blob of a jerk. He will be your husband. That beautiful woman may turn into an impossible whatever. That's your wife, you've got them. I remind Marilyn, I'm your husband for life.

All right, let's go back to I Corinthians 7 and see how he proceeds. You know what happens, when Jesus has to address the subject He says, didn't you ever read Genesis? Paul addresses the subject and he says, I'm giving you a command and it's not a new command, it's the same command the Lord gave when He taught on earth. And nothing changes in the sense we are always looking for an excuse to do what God says we can't do. That's why we address how God plans for us sometimes to endure difficulty.

Verse 12, but to the rest I say, not the Lord. Jesus did not address the issue of a believer married to an unbeliever during His earthly ministry because Jews only married Jews. So He didn't address the issue of a Jew who married a Gentile because Jews didn't marry Gentiles except in an exceptional case. So He didn't address this subject, He addressed Jews married to Jews. And now we're going to address a believer married to a nonbeliever. What Jesus said, of course, applies to non-Jews, but Paul is addressing an issue here of a believer married to an unbeliever. That would not have been before the discussion during Jesus' ministry.

To the rest I say, not the Lord, if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live with her, she must not divorce her husband, send her husband away. Same word at the end of verse 12, the end of verse 13—to divorce, to send away mean divorce. Okay, it's true for the husband and true for the wife. We have this mutuality going on through this section. It started out with the sexual relationship, the husband's body belongs to the wife and the wife's body belongs to the husband. And so what he says that pertains to the wife here regarding divorce also pertains to the husband, and what pertains to the husband pertains to the wife. So if I don't get them both said, you are aware we're talking about both parties.

Verse 12 and 13, we're dealing with a brother or a sister, a believer who is married to an unbeliever. What do we do? Well first let's be sure we are clear on the case here. This would not be the case where a believer marries an unbeliever, because a believer should only marry a believer. Down in I Corinthians 7:39 Paul says a wife is bound as long as her husband lives, but if her husband is dead she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. I mean the options for marriage for a believer are only to other believers. But we're talking about first generation believers here, so some of these people were married as pagans and then one of them got saved. Now you have a believer married to an unbeliever, that surely can't be good. I mean, our marriage occurred before I got saved, I don't think God was in that. Well, we know He was, because marriage is ordained by God, and that marriage was joined under the authority of God, so you're just as married even though you weren't believers. Yes, but now I'm a believer, I'm a new creature in Christ. The old me died away, I was buried, I'm raised a new person to now live for Christ. I'm joined to Him as part of the bride of Christ, the church. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Surely you're not telling me that I should remain married to an idol worshipper who is a child of the devil, who is profane, defiled by sin. I would defile myself to remain in such a relationship, and then to be joined in a relationship of oneness in the marriage bond and the physical union and I take the temple of the Holy Spirit and join it to one who is a child of the devil. That cannot be God's will.

But verse 12, if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she continues to live with him, he must not divorce her. The same is true for the wife who has an unbelieving husband. Must not divorce her. That's the plan of God. If she consents, he consents, that word there is stronger than just being dragged along, the believer badgering and working on their spouse so they won't get a divorce. The word consent, you know through this there has been a mutuality of agreement and if you're going to, for example in the first part of the chapter, abstain from expressing your love in the sexual relationship, it should be by mutual agreement. So here the unbeliever should agree and desire to maintain the marriage relationship, consents to live. And that would imply that you are going to live as a husband should live with a wife or a wife should live with a husband. They consent to live together, that's agreeable to them. Keep in mind it's even perhaps greater today. Interesting when you study passages like this in some of the commentaries and so on and the references to secular writers of the day. A man named Plutarch, a Roman some of you are familiar with, going back to school days, he was born in 49 A.D. So he was about 6 years old when Paul wrote this letter and then he's going to carry on his life through the last half of that first century. He wrote a manual that has been passed down, it's advice to potential brides and grooms. And it's interesting to see what secular thinking was on marriage, and there one of the things is you want to not have your wife, for example, be of a different religion than you. You have to be of the same religion because you know your social life, everything gets all wound together in this. Now you have one of the partners in the marriage got saved. They are not going to go to the idol's temple for worship anymore and join in all that goes with that worship system, not partake of some of the things. We're not going to go out and get drunk together on Friday nights anymore. I'm sorry, I can't do that, I love you but I can't do that. I want to be a good husband, a good wife, but no, I can't go get drunk with you tonight. Well wait a minute, what fun are you? I mean this is one of our special days honoring our deity, we have a special celebration and recommitting ourselves, and everybody will be there with their spouse making the commitment. I'm sorry, I can't do that. Implies here that there is going to be a change in life in the believer. Some people get saved and they think, I need to continue to go to our false religion, to the church or whatever that we used to go to because my spouse expects me to. This would indicate there are going to be changes. If nothing changed, who cares if you got saved? I mean as long as nothing changed in your religious life and nothing changes in your social life and nothing changes in your behavior, wouldn't make any difference. The implication here is there have been changes, now be careful. This is not talking about a believer who is now going to drive the unbeliever to distraction. Where were you today? You didn't get dinner. Well, I had to go to church. Well why isn't the house clean? Well, I was at a Bible study. No, I would take it that I'm going to be a better spouse than I have ever been now that I am a child of God and realize that I serve Him.

But it also does mean, yes, this believing wife, this believing husband is going to be meeting with the first church at Corinth, not at the idol temple downtown. This spouse is going to have to have some fellowship with believers for their nurture and growth. So yes, there are going to be changes. But the unbeliever says, that's fine, I can accept that. You don't go to the idol temple with me, that's all right. You're going to that new religious group over there, as long as you don't get involved in strange things or with other men or other women, if you want to go there, I can live with that. I still want to be married to you, I want our marriage to work. Let's face it, some of you are married to unbelievers, you are here, it works. Your unbelieving spouse accepts the fact you come to a Bible-believing church to learn the Word of God and fellowship with unbelievers. They don't want to come with you and as an unbeliever they have no reason to come, but they accept the fact you come, they accept the fact you don't do certain things you might do if you weren't a Christian. But they also appreciate the fact that you make a good spouse, a good husband, a good wife. And they are willing to live in that relationship and maintain that marriage and desire to do so.

Verse 14, this answers the question, is the believer defiled in this relationship? You know in I Corinthians 6:16 he talked about how defiling it is. Do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? The two become one flesh. The one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Verse 19, do you not know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit? I mean, in this thinking now, what happens when I join my body, I am one spirit with the Lord, with an unbeliever, even though he is my husband, even though she is my wife? Isn't that defiling? No. The point in verse 14, the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. This is a change in thinking.

Turn back to Haggai. I had to use that, when's the last time we turned to Haggai? Haggai 2:12. Verse 11 says, thus says the Lord of hosts, ask now the priests for a ruling. All right, go to the priests, they're your teachers, ask them. If a man carries holy meat in the fold of his garment. Now remember some things in the Old Testament under the law were declared holy, they were to be separated, not to be contaminated. Other things were unclean or unholy. So if someone has holy meat, meat that has been set apart for special religious purpose in the fold of his garment and touches bread with his fold or cooks food, wine, oil or any other food, will it become holy? The priest answered, no. So if you had something that had been sanctified, set apart for special use for God and it comes in contact with something that is common or unclean, that which is common or unclean does not become holy by that contact. Then, verse 13, Haggai said, if one who is unclean from a corpse, so if you touched a dead body you automatically became unclean. Someone who is unclean from a dead corpse touches any of these holy things, will the holy things become unclean? The priest answered, it will become unclean. So you see that holy thing, the holy meat devoted to the Lord, if you touched it as an unclean person you defiled the meat, it was no longer clean. The meat didn't make you clean, you made the meat unclean. Now if you carry that over you think, well look, I've been studying Haggai as a new believer in our Bible study on Thursday night at the church at Corinth and we've been studying Haggai 2. I think I'm being made unclean by contact with my unredeemed spouse, because when I touch them they become unclean. In fact, I remember we referenced Ezra 10 and in Ezra 10 when the Jews married foreign wives they had to divorce them and have nothing to do with them or their children. Therefore it seems that if I'm going to be clean before the Lord as a believer, I must divorce my unbelieving spouse. No.

So we have to be careful when we're studying different portions of the Old Testament we handle them properly in context in the order God gives them. Because in I Corinthians 7:14 Paul says just the opposite now. The unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. That word translated sanctified means to make holy, is made holy. It does not mean they are saved, because down in verse 16 he'll talk about the possibility of their getting saved. But they are sanctified. And one thing is clear, rather than the believer being defiled by the unbelieving spouse it goes the other way. Holiness is transmuted, if you will, transferred. Not that they become saved, not that their character changes, but they are in a different situation now. Think about it, a husband gets saved, now he's a child of God, the Spirit of God dwells in him. God is working all things together for His good as one called by His grace. God is preparing him for glory and everything that happens to him takes place within the context of God's will. True if it's vice versa, the wife gets saved. So this spouse obviously is in a place of uniqueness to experience the blessing of God, care by God. Because what happens to this spouse has such a great impact on this child of God. So there is a unique relationship established there, and will provide an opportunity for their conversion, as we'll see in a moment. Now be careful, it doesn't change their character. They are no more saved as an unbeliever than they were, but they in no way defile the believer. Rather, the believer's holiness has an effect on them.

If this were not the case, verse 14, your children are unclean. But now they are holy. Think about it. You who are thinking you ought to divorce your unbelieving spouse because they are defiling, does that mean you have to get rid of your children, too? Well no. Well, if the unbeliever is defiling, these children were born and they're sinners, but we understand they are in a special place. They don't defile you. In fact, it's not things from the outside that defile, it's things from the inside.

Come back to Mark 7. This doesn't have to do with divorce but there's a principle here we ought to be aware of. Mark 7:14, Jesus says, listen to Me all of you and understand. So here is something we want to learn from thee earthly teaching of Christ, when He was on earth. There is nothing outside the man which can defile him if it goes into him. The things which proceed out of the man are what defiles the man. And when He dismisses the crowd, the disciples said to Him, we don't have any idea what you're talking about. Think of how much in the dark the crowd was. Here is Jesus supposed to be this great, clear teacher, He gives this teaching in a parable, then sends the crowd away. Even the disciples don't have the foggiest idea what He was talking about. Verse 17, when He had left the crowd and entered the house His disciples questioned Him about the parable. He said to them, are you so lacking in understanding also? I mean, are you just like the unbelievers out there? Do you not understand that whatever goes into a man from the outside cannot defile him? Verse 20, that which proceeds out of a man, that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of man proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deed of coveting, wickedness, deceit, and on and on. All these things proceed from within and defile the man.

So having contact, what is defiling then in I Corinthians 6 when a man has immoral relations with a prostitute? He has violated the will of God, for sex should only take place in marriage. It's not the fact that you work next to an immoral person on your job and oh, I just feel so dirty being around them. Well get over it. Bumping shoulders with a defiled sinner doesn't defile you. It's not those external things that defile.

Turn over to I Timothy 4. It's important we understand this because Paul warns false teachers are going to infiltrate the church with these kinds of teachings. I Timothy 4, Paul is writing to Timothy who is representing him at the church at Ephesus. Verse 1, the Spirit explicitly says that in the latter times some will fall away from the faith. Some are going to depart from the truth of the Word of God. Paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons by means of the hypocrisy of liars, seared in their own conscience. I mean when Paul talks about false teachers infiltrating the church, he's not very soft about it. These are men influenced by demons. They are hypocrites who are liars. What are they doing? Verse 3, men who forbid marriage, advocate abstaining from foods which God has created to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the truth. Don't tell me that food defiles me spiritually. Now we may discuss whether it's the best thing for my health or not, but don't tell me it defiles me spiritually. It makes me angry. Make Paul angry. He says lying hypocrites teach that kind of thing. They get it from demons, so we oughtn't to banter it around. Now if you want to say, I'm on a diet and I eat this and I feel better, fine. But don't imply that I'll be holier or more spiritual or more godly if I do that. Those kinds of things corrupt the church.
Everything created by God is good, nothing is rejected which receive with gratitude. Note this, for it is sanctified. There is our word, it is made holy by means of the Word of God and prayer. So those things don't defile me, they don't corrupt me. That doesn't mean there are certain things I don't eat, and I don't want to eat, and I know it won't hurt me spiritually if I eat it. But I don't like it physically, so I don't eat it. That's all right, it's not a spiritual issue. So it is sanctified by means of the Word of God and prayer. It's still the same thing. That's what is happening to the believer's family, that unbelieving husband or wife, those unbelieving children. They are sanctified, made holy by the presence of the believer.

Come back to I Corinthians 5:9, I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people. I did not at all mean the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, swindlers, idolaters, for then you'd have to go out of the world. That doesn't mean you have to cut off all contact with unbelievers. Some Christians just don't want anything to do with unbelievers because they feel cleaner if they don't have any contact with unbelievers, more holy. Now we have to be careful that unbelievers don't lead me into wrong conduct. Evil companions corrupt good conduct, that is true. We tell our children to watch their friends. We also need to realize, you men go out to work at a job, you work with unbelievers. Fine. Paul says you shouldn't be involved with Christians who were involved in sin, but you can't avoid contact with unbelievers who are involved in sin and that doesn't defile you.

All right, so all of that, come back to I Corinthians 7:14. You are not defiled in that relationship, you're bringing holiness to that relationship. And that is something we desire. Verse 15, yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. If the unbelieving one divorces, let him divorce. The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. It may be the unbeliever doesn't want to be married to the believer. Maybe initially they put up with it, over time it wears on them, they don't like it, they get more antagonized by it. Doesn't say how long this goes on, I mean, it may happen very early when the person gets saved and the changes in life that Christ brings, the unbeliever says, you're not the person I married. I'm getting a divorce. The believer may say, that's not my desire, I want to be a good husband to you, a good wife, but you're right, I'm not the person you married. I've been made new. I hope that would make me a better spouse to you. Well, I like the old one, that's who I married and unless you change back to what you were, we're getting a divorce. Well the instruction here, I'm not going to fight that. If the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave, let him go. You oughtn't to fight the divorce, I mean, that's his choice. You don't have to feel, well to be scriptural I have to oppose the divorce because God is opposed to divorce. Generally He is, but here if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave, let him go, let the separation take place. And the present tense here would indicate that that's the condition, then, you'll be divorced.

The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases. Strong word, under bondage, means to be a slave, is not enslaved in such cases. Later Paul will talk about being bound in marriage, verse 27, are you bound to a wife; down in verse 39, a wife is bound as long as her husband lives. He uses a different word. I mention that because we might think the word translated bondage here is related to the word bound. But it's a different word, in fact the word bound in verse 27 and 39 relating to marriage is a softer word. This word here, enslaved, under bondage, in such a case. In other words, we don't have obligation, we don't have obligation to fight to maintain the marriage. The discussion comes, is this a Pauline exception. Paul is saying this is another case where the believer is not enslaved to that marriage and thus is free to marry someone else. An unbeliever decides they don't want to be married to a believer. Maybe it happens soon after, maybe after being married for 20 years the unbeliever says, I've had enough of this. Because you know being around a believer can be progressively more wearing and antagonizing to an unbeliever. Whatever, the unbeliever made the decision here, didn't want to be married to a believer. The believer, brother or sister, is not under bondage, enslaved in such cases.

Does that mean not under bondage just to maintain the marriage? Or does it mean they are free? I want to say first, before I give you my view, that there are good men on both sides of the issue and there are differing views here. My view is and the view we have as a church, that the board has understood this to be, is that the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, not enslaved would mean they are free from the marital obligations. And so this along with pornea allows for remarriage on the part of the divorced person. Now if someone asks me, I don't say it requires remarriage. Doesn't require divorce here, the believer doesn't have an option—the unbeliever is taking the initiative. I do say it seems to me that the Bible does make that allowance, but that is your decision. I can't be responsible for someone else's decision. I mean, that is something you have to decide before the Lord, but for my understanding of this text, it would seem to me that it does allow for that. And so as far as that can go, I would say that does allow and you have to decide before the Lord in light of that. Do I believe it is Your will for me, and that I'm comfortable doing that. So it would seem to me that this with then immorality does allow for the possibility of remarriage. Other cases where divorce has occurred were covered in verse 11 where you remain unmarried or reconcile. But here there is a case where obviously reconciliation will not occur. The unbeliever is gone and the marriage is broken.

This whole idea that there be exceptions, and there are those who don't hold to it. I attended a seminary that I have great respect for, I did when I attended it and the teachers there held that there were no exceptions and no remarriages allowed for. I was not convinced of their biblical explanations of that, but I respect the fact that they held to that, and that was their view. So I want you to understand that there are different views. But at Indian Hills we hold to two exceptions. We don't believe they require remarriage but we believe that there is the allowance for it.

I take it the last statement of verse 15 goes with what follows. But God has called us to peace, for how do you know. It's really going back to verses 12-13. Why the believer ought to remain in the marriage. So shouldn't send your husband away, shouldn't send his wife away, God has called us to peace. For how do you know, oh wife, whether you will save your husband, or how do you know, oh husband, whether you will save your wife. So I oughtn't to be looking. You know sometimes I can look and say, wouldn't I enjoy it more if I could be married to a believer, wouldn't I enjoy it more if......., wouldn't I ............... Well, you know, I want to enjoy God's will, He knows what is best for me. If we're constantly struggling against that we haven't learned to be content in whatever situation He places us, we haven't learned that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I need to learn His grace is sufficient for me. You know it's like some of you have physical problems. Are you going to spend your whole life saying if I only didn't have this physical problem wouldn't it be wonderful to serve the Lord. Well, if you didn't have those physical restrictions you could do other things. But you have to come to the place, do you not, my sovereign God is sovereign in my life and this is the physical condition He has deemed best for me. So I must honor Him in this situation and that becomes true in our marriages. Lord, I can imagine it would be wonderful to have a Christian wife who would love You with me, who would support me, who would be excited about what You're doing. Or a Christian husband who would lead me in a godly way. But Lord, You know what is best for me, You know how my life can most honor You, You know what You have chosen to do with my life and I want that to be what pleases me because it pleases You. And I go on with that. I mean, otherwise no matter what our situation we're always thinking, oh if it were only like this, oh if it were only like that, oh if I were only married, oh if I were only single, oh if I were only married to another person, oh if I were only healthier, oh if I were only ............ And it all becomes reasons for us not just to submit to God and His sovereign will and say, Lord, you know what is best. I've quoted Paul who said, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Remember the Philippian letter was written while he was a prisoner, a Roman prisoner. Did that hinder his ability to be what God wanted him to be? No, that's where he could be what God wanted him to be because that's the situation where God placed him. No sense in bemoaning the fact, oh if I could only be like the beloved disciple, John, and be free. Well, you're not John and John's freedom will some day change and it doesn't matter, does it.

So you don't know. When it's all said and done, God has called you to peace. That unbelieving spouse ought to see that peace in your life. You know, I don't want to drive you off and I don't want to drive you crazy with my religion, but I do want you to come to know the Lord. How do you know, oh wife, whether you'll save your husband. How do you know, oh husband, whether you'll save your wife. Strongly put there. You become the key instrument that God uses to bring about their salvation. But He doesn't say it will happen, He says you don't know whether it will happen because you don't know what God is doing, I don't know what He is doing, I don't know what He's doing with me for tomorrow. I know ultimately He is preparing me for glory, but He may be preparing me today for great heartbreak tomorrow, I don't know. He may be preparing me to experience the loss of a loved one tomorrow, He may be preparing me to see the salvation of a loved one tomorrow. I don't know. You don't know whether you're going to be the instrument that God is going to use for the salvation of your spouse.

Go to I Peter 3 as we wrap up. You know we have to get our eyes off ourself, focus them on our God. We summarize the Old Testament—love God and love your neighbor as yourself. So I'm going to focus on pleasing God and I'm going to focus on pleasing others, my spouse. Here in I Peter 3, in the same way you ought. That would seem to imply it's a wife who is in a difficult situation in marriage because he says in the same way and he's just talked about servants who are submissive to hard masters, just talked about the unjust suffering of Jesus Christ, that's the immediate precedent of in the same way. You wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. It's the saddest thing of all when you have a believer in a marriage and an unbelieving spouse functions in such a way that the believer reacts totally contrary to the character of Christ and just shatters the opportunity for testimony and impact. You know it's easy when your feelings are hurt, when you've been hurt, when you're under pressure, I don't even want them to be saved, I hope they are lost, I hope they go to hell, they deserve it. We don't like to admit we would think those thought, but we do. We think they don't deserve to be saved, and then we're off and we become just like them and everything is shattered. How sad. Rather than being an instrument of their salvation, I become an instrument to deny the truth that I claim to believe.

So I'm not saying it is easy to live in that situation, just saying that God's grace is sufficient. People say to me, could you do it? You know it's easy for me to say, oh yeah, I could do it, I could be a martyr for the Lord, I could be imprisoned for years for the Lord. You know the pressure is on me to live for Him in the situation He's placed me. All I can say is I trust His grace will be sufficient for whatever He chooses to bring into my life, and that's true for your home, your marriage, and your life. So God's plan is marriage, and His plan is that a marriage manifest the beauty of His relationship with us through His Son, but in some marriages it will be trial and difficulty. His plan is that we honor Him with lives that testify to His grace even under pressure.

Let's pray together. Thank you, Lord, for your grace. Thank you for your Word. You know us as we are, you know, Lord, that there are individuals here struggling in their marriage, individuals here in marriages that are all but shattered. Husbands here, wives here, some are here together, but there is really no togetherness in their marriage. Lord, some are here because their spouses are not interested. Lord, whatever the situation, I just commit them to you. You are the God who rules over all, you're sovereign, you indwell your children, you're the God of love and grace, you provide your strength to be our strength. Lord, I pray that we would focus our attention upon you and the desire to be pleasing to you and honoring to you, and even the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us. Lord, I pray that marriages here might be restored. God, for those two professing believers who are at odds with one another, who are not functioning as they should as your children, Lord, I pray that they might submit themselves to you as you restore their relationship as it should be. For marriages that have broken up that should be reconciled, Lord, I pray that there would be the willingness to do the right thing. For those, Lord, who have gone through divorce and struggle with your will for them from this point on, Lord, I just commit them to you that you would give them your wisdom and a willingness to follow your will, whatever that would be. Lord, for those who have been divorced and are remarried, Lord, thank you for your grace that picks us up where we are and works your perfect will and purposes to mold us and shape us. Thank you for the forgiveness there is in Christ for all of us for our sins in the past, Lord, even the sins of today. Lord, I pray that our church will be a testimony of the work of your Spirit. Lord, I pray that it will be a testimony in these very practical, real, everyday matters of life, that we would manifest the beauty of the work of your Spirit in building marriages that are a testimony to your grace. Lord, most important of all, for the unbeliever here who knows nothing of the truth we've talked about and they see the importance of bowing before you and placing their faith in your Son and experiencing the newness of life that comes when sins are forgiven. We pray in Christ's name, amen.