Why Marry, Why Not?

Transcript

GR 1322
04-09-06
Why Marry, Why Not
1 Corinthians 7:32-40
Gil Rugh

Those of you who have been part of this study know that even as he talks about marriage and the single life, Paul has related this to the work of Christ on the cross, His resurrection and His coming again to bring to completion God's plan of redemption for creation. He started out with that emphasis on the work of Christ in the opening chapters of this letter, and it is God's plan, and it amazes me that the sovereign God who has created everything, who rules over all is concerned for the smallest details of our lives as His people. And His plan includes even the matters of our personal lives day by day, whether we get married or whether we stay single. And the issues that will be involved in that for us. Those are the kinds of things that Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians 7. The whole chapter, all 40 verses as we have it, is devoted to matters related to marriage—the responsibility of sexual fulfillment in marriage, the issue of marriage and divorce, the pros and cons of being single. These are all matters that Paul deals with to one degree or another.

He has established two overarching principles as he has worked through this material. The first one was found in verses 17-24. This principle governs not only marriage, but other areas of our lives as well. The basic principle is when God brings you to salvation in Jesus Christ--that does not mean there has to now be a change in your social setting, your cultural situation or so on. The principle was, where were you when God called you? It's the place that God appointed you to be and that is probably the place and condition in which. He wants you to serve Him. If you were a Jew you don't have to worry about trying to become a Gentile, if you were a Gentile you don't have to worry about becoming a Jew. If you were a slave, you don't have to worry about getting free. Salvation in Jesus Christ does not necessitate a change in these kinds of matters. It would save Christians a lot of grief and keep them from getting involved in things they should not get involved in if they understood that. Paul tells them, you can be a slave as a believer in Jesus Christ and recognize this is where God appointed you. He called you to Himself as a slave. He intends you to represent Him in that situation.

Now by the same token it doesn't mean that you can never change your situation after you become a believer, and he made that clear. If you have an opportunity to acquire your freedom from slavery, take advantage of it. But you understand that's not directly connected to being a believer in Jesus Christ. And so the first principle is becoming a believer in Jesus Christ does not necessitate a change in your cultural situation, in your social setting, in being married or being single.

The second principle was established in verses 29-31 and that is that all of our life and all that we do in life is to be controlled by an eschatological viewpoint. Eschatological, simply a word that means a study of the last things, future things. In light of the fact that Jesus Christ has come to earth, He has suffered and died on the cross to pay the penalty for sin, He has been raised from the dead, we who believe in Him now see things from God's perspective. We see the plan of God as centered in the work of His Son and the ultimate purpose of God to bring His Son back to earth and complete the work of redemption for creation. With that in view he says in verse 29, this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, been compressed, we see things from God's perspective, we're not lost in the maze down here. One of the examples was you are looking from mountain peak to mountain peak, you're not confused down here, taken up with all the details down in the valley. We see clearly, we are not far, this period of time is short, God's plan will be completed with the return of His Son soon.

The end of verse 31, the form of this world is passing away. The form of this world, form, we get the word scheme from this, the external form, the things you see, the things you're involved in. And the examples he gave were marriage, sorrow, happiness, possessing or not possessing, your whole involvement in the world. You understand, the things that you can see, that you can touch, that you are physically involved in, you understand now in light of an understanding of God's plan in Christ, they will not be what absorbs you in the life to come. There will be no marriage, no marrying or giving in marriage for us in our glorified bodies. We ought not to get overly concerned with whether we're single, whether we're married. There is a place for that, there is instruction from God on that, but my life is not about my physical family. That's why Jesus said, we must love Him more than our family. And you understand, for my loved ones who know Jesus Christ, I will enjoy fellowship with them in glory, but not as physical family members, not as husband and wife, not as parent and child. But now as part of the family of God. The sorrows of this life are put in perspective. This time is passing away. The joys of this life, keep it in perspective. We oughtn't to be on the roller coaster, up and down, because this is a time when God's plan and the fullness of the glory He has prepared for me is coming. What I have and don't have, God has given me much to enjoy, but my life is not about the things of this life. 2 Peter 3 reminded us that all these things will be burned up. Why do we get so worried about what kind of house we live in or we don't live in, what kind of job we have or we don't have. None of these things will matter. You understand this time is passing away. All of these things will be as nothing. That perspective is to keep life here and now in perspective for us as God's people. Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the making new of your mind. We don't allow the world to shape us, control us and to dominate our thinking.

Now this is in the context of marriage. And marriage can become a consuming thing, and people get all worked up over whether they are married or single and get all worked up about whether their marriage is as fulfilling as they want it to be, and are they getting everything out of life that they can. And put it all in perspective. The time is compressed and it is passing away, and don't get all concerned about that. Be concerned about Jesus Christ and a life that honors Him. That will matter for eternity. That expression, only one life, will soon be past; only what's done for Christ will last.

Now in the context of marriage and the single life Paul wants to unfold more of that. Really from 1 Corinthians 7:25 down through the end of the chapter he's talking about being single and the advantages of being single. And in that context he said there is nothing wrong with getting married and marriage is not sin, but there are definitely advantages to the single life. He wants the Corinthians to understand that. Evidently in the church at Corinth there was a segment that had developed that was promoting the idea that you could be more holy, more spiritual, more a servant of God if you weren't married, or if you were married that you abstained from sexual activity in marriage. Paul says there is no truth to that at all, that is contrary to what God says is true. So let's understand marriage and the single life in a biblical context. It's for parents, not only for young people. Sometimes we as parents lose our way in these matters and we end up giving our children as they become young adults and contemplate marriage, we end up giving them unbiblical advice, while we tell them how important it is to serve the Lord. So we want to know what God says and be sure that we are directing them biblically.

In verse 26 Paul said that this is a time of distress, the present distress he referred to in verse 26. That means this compressed period of time we live in which is passing away is a time of trial and difficulty. John 16, shortly before His betrayal and crucifixion Jesus said to His disciples, in the world you have tribulation. Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. So this is a time of present distress, present trial of one kind and another.

So he picks up in verse 32, but I want you to be free from concern. We live in a time of distress, a time of pressure. Verse 28, the end of the verse, those who get married will have trouble, tribulation, the word Jesus used in John 16, in the world you have tribulation. You add to that if you get married. We talked about that. Paul's concern in this is I want you to be free from concern. Down in verse 35, I'm speaking for your own benefit. I just want you to consider carefully the options that you have and make your decision with your eyes open in light of what God says is reality.

So he's going to pick up in verse 32 and continue talking about the single life. And he picks up the theme again that he left off within verse 28, the end of the verse, you'll have trouble in this life. But the encouraging thing is, the end of verse 31, the form of this world is passing away, and with it all the troubles for us. But I want you to be free from concern in your life here and now. Now the word concern, English word concern, I looked it up in Webster's Dictionary, has a range of meanings, negative and positive. It can mean to worry, to have anxiety, or it can be used positively in having a concern, good sense. I might say I'm concerned to be a godly husband. Well that's a good thing. But it's not a good thing to worry about tomorrow, because Jesus said, don't be concerned, don't be anxious for tomorrow. So the Greek word has the same variation of meaning and breadth of meaning that our English word does. So when Paul says, I want you to be free from concern, he doesn't mean I want you to live a life of indifference, carefree. But he doesn't want them to add unnecessary burdens to their lives. There is going to be enough trouble in your life and I would just like you to be free from any added burdens and concerns that aren't necessary. And one of the burdens and concerns that you could consider skipping is marriage. Sounds negative, doesn't it? He's going to put it in perspective, but marriage is a burden. It causes you to be divided. That's the word he's going to use. And so Paul just wants you to consider carefully, and those who he is addressing in this section are primarily those who are in a position to consider whether to get married or not. He's already talked about those who are already married. Their options are limited to one—stay married. But for those who are engaged or betrothed, contemplating marriage, take these matters into consideration. I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. So there is our word concern—one who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. In other words, if you're not married, you can devote all your attention, all your energies into what the Lord wants you to do. You don't have other diverting responsibilities.

But, verse 33, one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. Now that is not a negative, that is not a bad thing. That is a biblical requirement. If you are married, you have to be concerned about your wife, and the reverse is true as you move through this section. If you've been here, you know that Paul goes back and forth in addressing the man and the woman, or the husband and then the wife and so on. But if you're married you have to be concerned about the things of this world, how you are going to please your wife. And we have obligations. Back in chapter 7 verse 3 for example, the husband fulfills his duty to his wife, likewise also the wife to her husband. And in that context the Apostle Paul says you cannot even withdraw from your marital responsibilities of sexually fulfilling you spouse for prayer unless our spouse agrees. So I can't get real spiritual and say to my wife, well we won't be having anything physical for the next few months, I'm going into a season of prayer and time with the Lord. She says, wait a minute, I vote against it. It's over because God says through Paul if your spouse doesn't agree you can't do it. You see, you have responsibilities, obligations. That's not negative. You ought to understand that, when you enter into marriage you enter into responsibilities and sometimes that can bring concerns in the breadth of the word. You have obligations now that you are required to fulfill to be a godly person. And sometimes that will be difficult, that's why in the marriage ceremony usually we say, we take this person for what? For better or for worse. The world thinks they want to get everything they can now and don't have a biblical perspective, don't see that fleeting period of time we're in and they're not interested in focusing on the Lord. They only want a relationship as long as it's fulfilling for them, because happiness drives them, self-fulfillment drives them. But for those of us who are godly, we understand that if we enter into a marriage relationship, we're in it for life for we're in it for whatever it brings. And so I will have obligations.

Verse 34, his interests are divided. A man who enters into a marriage relationship is divided. That word translated divided is a word that goes back to the same basic word that is translated concern or anxiety. But it is a different word, but you can get some idea of the meaning. Here is a person who is pulled in two directions, who is divided. What's the division? Well, I want to serve the Lord and I want to please my wife, because it is biblical to please my wife and it is biblical to please the Lord. The Apostle Paul, he was a single man, he could pack up and take off on a missionary journey, didn't have to talk to his wife about it, didn't have the concerns. He didn't bring in a good income on his travels, sometimes he had to take up his secular occupation just to meet his own needs. If he had, had a wife and children at home he would not only have had to meet his own needs, but he would have to be sure that their needs were being met by sending enough money home to pay the rent, to buy clothes, to get materials. You know the issues haven't changed, and even unbelievers recognize that there are burdens and responsibilities in marriage. I was reading one of the writers from a secular perspective that wrote on the subject of should you get married back in the days of Paul, around that time, forget the exact date. But he was counseling, doesn’t get married. He said if you get married then you will have the responsibility to take care of your wife, then you have to buy her clothes, then she may [get] sick and you'll have to take care of her. Then you'll have kids, then you have to clothe those kids and then they'll need a pad and stylus to write so they can learn. And then you'll have to feed them. So nothing new, people recognized, you ought to stay single. Now when Paul talks about it he's not going to say you ought to stay single to be free from obligation, he's going to say you ought to stay single if it's an option for you to serve the Lord. The world's motivation is different from the believer's motivation.

All right, you are divided if you get married. The woman who is unmarried and a virgin. So now we've talked about the man, now he repeats it for the woman. Doesn't always, but the pattern here indicates that it is true for both sides. Here he repeats, the unmarried woman and the virgin. The unmarried woman, he's going to talk about the widow down at the end of the chapter, and the virgin would be the person who is not married and in the context as he develops it as we'll see in a moment, he's talking about the engaged woman, I believe, who is seriously contemplating a marriage. The woman who is unmarried and a virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. Same thing for the man. Now it says that she might be holy in body and spirit. That's the same thing as pleasing the Lord at the end of verse 32. The end of verse 34 she'll talk about pleasing her husband. So to be holy in body and spirit, is what? I only have to be concerned about pleasing the Lord in what I do and what I think. But a married woman, those of you who are married, you have to think about what? Your husband and what he would like you to do, and what he would find pleasing. And you can't just decide, I'm going to go out and minister to women every day. He might decide he'd like you home someday, so you have responsibilities, and you have children, and you have a big baby and little babies and lots of things to care for.

Verse 35, why did Paul say this? I say this for your benefit. He is writing for their benefit. He doesn't have ulterior motives. And important here for us to track this now so that we're careful that the advice we give to our children as they become of marriageable age, to others that may seek biblical counsel from us that we give them biblical instruction. Not just our personal opinion, but what God says need to be taken into consideration. I say this for your own benefit. And this verse is going to form a transition. What he has said up to this point about just the facts of life. Marriage will involve you with additional responsibilities, major responsibilities. Take that into consideration if you contemplate marriage.

I say this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint upon you. I mean, I want your benefit, I want you to be free from concerns. My goal is not to put a restraint upon you. Interesting word, “restraint.” It was a word that was used of a lasso, like they would rope a steer, a bull, a calf, and then they would pull on the lasso and in that way bring that animal under their control. So Paul says I don't want to rope you in and bring you under my control, restrain you. My purpose is not to dictate to you what you ought to do. Now we need to keep that in mind. Sometimes we have strong opinions when young people are contemplating marriage and they may be biblical reasons. If a believing young person is contemplating marrying an unbeliever, we ought to have strong opinions and share with them why that is contrary to the will of God. But generally, should they get married, is it the right thing. Sometimes our advice doesn't have anything to do with what the Bible says. Well, I think you ought to wait, you ought to wait until you get through school. Get your college degree, maybe your graduate degree, get a good job, then . . . Paul says, I'm not dictating to you what to do, that's not my goal.

But I want to promote what is appropriate “and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. “ To promote what is appropriate, what is seemly, that your behavior is seemly, appropriate, proper. We'll say more about that word in a moment because it ties to the next verse. “And to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.” Paul has a recommendation regarding the single life, but it's never just so you can be more free, so you don't have the obligation that marriage would bring. That's a selfish motivation. Paul says the reason that you may remain single is so you can more wholeheartedly devote yourself to serving the Lord. Now the married person has to serve the Lord as well, but they've brought in other obligations related to this world. Now I have to be a godly husband, so it becomes a biblical responsibility. But you understand I've taken upon myself obligations that are only related to this life. My marriage will not go beyond this life, my family relationships with my physical family will not be family relationships in eternity, so I've added to myself burdens with things that are related just to this life. Now they have an important place and I have biblical responsibility in this, but I wouldn't have had to take them on. Conditioned by what Paul says. I want “to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”

Verses 36-38 bring in now, instructions regarding a virgin. Now I want you to follow closely here because we may veer from where some of you have been. It says if any man thinks he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin, and my translation says “daughter,” and you'll note daughter, if you're using the same one, is in italics. That means it is not in the original text. It was added by the translators because they thought it made more sense of the text and they took this to mean a father who had responsibility for his daughter making a decision whether she should get married or not. I don't think that's the best interpretation of the passage here. I think when it talks about, if any man thinks he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin is talking about a man who is engaged to, betrothed to, a woman. And what is the proper way for him to proceed. Because when he is engaged, he still has the option to break off that engagement, not to proceed with the marriage and so he needs to consider what is the best thing for him to do. And it will be true for the woman as well, but he's going to focus on the man here.

If any man thinks he is acting “unbecomingly toward his virgin,” literally. So from the context you have to decide what he is talking about. That word acting unbecomingly, it's a word that some have studied in its use, and particularly its use in secular literature of the time. And they find that always when it is used in male/female relationships, it's used in the context of sexual behavior, functioning improperly sexually. So that would be a problem with this being a father/daughter relationship, and would seem to point more to the engaged relationship. Now what I want you to note, and you should mark what is appropriate in verse 35, the expression, what is appropriate, in verse 35. And then mark “is acting unbecomingly” in verse 36, because they are the same word with a different front. There are two letters added to the front of the word in verse 35, it means to act pleasingly, properly, appropriately. In verse 36 they put a different letter on the front that means to act inappropriately, improperly. So the connection in verse 35, I want to promote what is seemly, appropriate, but if any [man] thinks he is acting inappropriately sexually toward his virgin.

Now what does this mean? Well they are engaged and this man has strong desires for sexual fulfillment with this woman that he is contemplating marrying. And that leads to thoughts, desires, wouldn't be talking about fornication because Paul will not make an allowance for that, but the man knows, I'm crossing the line. Jesus said, if you lust for a woman in your heart, you've committed adultery. Now I have desire and we've committed ourselves with the plan to marry and perhaps they are delaying it, perhaps they are wonder if they should proceed. And in light of what maybe some in the church at Corinth are advising, you would be more spiritual and be a more holy person if you abstain from marriage. The Roman Catholic Church for its priests and nuns proclaim such a doctrine, that there is some kind of extra sanctity if you abstain from marriage and just keep yourself married or devoted to the Lord.

But if any man thinks he is acting unbecomingly, inappropriately sexually toward the virgin that he is engaged to, if she is past her youth. That sounds like, you know, past her youth. But I think better here, now listen to this, if he is over the top. It doesn't say “her” there, you have to decide in the context, are we talking about him or her. And so if any man thinks he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin, if he is over the top. And that's another interesting word. I’ve given you over the top. That's just the meaning of the compound word. The compound word means to be over the top. And interesting as them study the use of this word again in the way it is used in literature and so on, writing to the time, it's used to mean full of sexual passion. So you would [read] this, if any man thinks he is acting unbecomingly sexually toward his virgin, if he is full of sexual passion, if it must be so. I mean, this is something, in one sense he has no choice on, it's an obligation. How so? Well verse 9 of chapter 7, if they do not have self-control, let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion, is the idea. So here, it must be so. I have this strong desire for sexual fulfillment with this one I am engaged to. My thoughts, and desires here are crossing the line. I am full of sexual passion. Let him do what he wishes, what he desires. Let them marry. He does not sin. Marriage is not a sin, it's the right thing in this situation, it's what ought to be done. Now it's important to see he does not sin. Recommending the advantages of the single life is not a moral matter for Paul; it's just a practical matter. The moral issue would be if you commit immorality, if you are sexual active outside of marriage. But here it's just the practical advantages of the single life versus the married life. But if you have these strong desires, if you are filled with sexual passion, it's just something you feel you must have fulfillment for, then do what you desire. It's not sin, gets married.
You know, one of you shared with me, I won't embarrass Matt and tell you who it was. But he said when he wanted to marry his wife he went and asked her father if he could have permission to marry her. You know what the father asked him? Well, are you burning? What do you say to your maybe future father-in-law? Are you filled with sexual passion for my daughter? And he honestly said, “yes.” Then you better get married. Now often we as parents don't have that good biblical sense. We say, well, wait, wait, wait, wait. I mean wouldn't it be better if you waited until you were done with college? Wouldn't it be better if you waited until you [had finished?] Wouldn't it be better if we did things biblically? Let's just ask the biblical question. Are you filled with sexual passion? Do you feel a burning desire for sexual fulfillment with this one you are contemplating marrying? Then my advice as a parent is get married, and sooner is better than later.

That's what Paul says. He does not sin, let them marry. And the “her” there, you'll note in the margin, it's literally let them marry. Translators have tried to alter this or have altered it because they are thinking of it's a virgin daughter and the father is making the decision. But I think the context is clear and flows well and it's consistent with the preceding context that it is the individuals who have the prime responsibility to determine whether they have been gifted with celibacy or not, not the parents. That's why I say sometimes we as parents veer off from being biblical because we want to be practical. We want our kids to be successful and we don't want them to have to struggle, and we. . . Well wait a minute, let's just say we want them to be godly young people and here is what God says. You know they had the same kind of problem, I shared with you just one of the writers on getting married and all the problems that it will bring and the obligations and the responsibilities and the financial costs. They heard about that thousands of years ago. Nothing is new. But God's instruction here is clear.

We say, sounds like when you get done here the only reason to get married is you are roaring with heat and you just can't control it and you just have to get married. Well there are other reasons for marriage, we enjoy other things in marriage—companionship and so on. But the only thing you cannot get anywhere else is sexual fulfillment. You can have friends, you can have companions, maybe not the depth that there is in marriage, but sex is limited to marriage. Adulterers and fornicators God will judge. So this is where he concentrates. Because if you don't need sexual fulfillment you are in a place to consider, maybe the single life would be a better option for me. I may decide I'm going to get married, I don't know that I'm burning with passion, but I desire to get married. Well then get married, that is a choice. It is not a sin to get married.

All right. But, verse 37, he who stands firm in his heart. Now these points in verse 37 make clear it is an individual decision. Now there may be factors that you seek godly advice, but ultimately . . . You know somebody comes in to see me and says, we're thinking of getting married, do you think we should? I can ask some of the biblical questions here, I can share with them what the Bible says, but it's not my decision. And furthermore, you are not going to pass that decision off on me, because when you have trouble you'll come back and say, I don't know why you told us to get married. It's not my decision. So he says, but he who stands firm in his heart. And that means has a firm conviction here. That word stands “firm,” remember it is in the perfect tense. Remember the perfect tense denotes permanence here, it stands here, there's been a stand in the past and it continues. He has developed a firm conviction and stand. He's convinced in his own heart and mind. You'll note that. He who stands firm in his own heart, in his own mind he has come to this conviction. Not someone else's conviction. Being under no constraint. And that's probably the opposite of verse 36, if it must be so. In other words he is not driven by his sexual desire, he's not burning with passion. Paul had already said it is better to marry than to burn. So he stands firm in his heart and he's under no constraint. It may also mean that outside influences aren't determining his decision. But he has authority over his own will. I don't have to be married.

I've shared with you a number of years ago, many years ago now, had a man who was engaged come to talk to me. He says you know I've been contemplating marriage with this person, we're both believers, we both love the Lord. But after more serious consideration I really believe God has gifted me to enable me to a celibate life. And I really do believe there would be advantages to me and better. That doesn't mean there haven't been emotional attachments that have developed, but in light of that I think I want to break off this relationship and pursue a single life. Twenty, twenty-five years later he's still a single man, I mean that was a decision he could make. He was not under constraint, it was his own decision, he stood firm in his own heart, he had authority over his will, he said if I needed sexual fulfillment I'd get married but I'm not driven by that, I could also live without then. Well, he's in that position. He had authority over his own will, has decided in his own heart. It really says only two things here, repeats them both twice. Verse 37, he who stands firm in his heart; then he says has decided this in his own heart. That's one thing, repeated twice. Being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will. Basically saying the same thing twice again. In other words, the sexual passions don't long for fulfillment.

He will do well, “has decided in his own heart to keep his own virgin.” And to keep his own virgin, and awkward expression, no matter what your view is on whether it's a virgin daughter or a betrothed person. The idea would seem to be to keep her a virgin. Does that mean he made a decision and now she can never marry? No. The point is, he's not going to follow through with marriage and the consummation of marriage. So I've decided to keep her a virgin, to not follow through and get married. Now whether she decides to get married after will be her decision, I'll mention that in a moment. So you'll note, he will do well, that's a good thing.

Verse 38, so then both he who gives his own virgin in marriage does well. And again, the idea is it's translated to give his own virgin, it's just the verb to marry. In some contexts it might mean to give in marriage, but it simply means to marry. So you could translate this, so both he who marries his own virgin does well, in other words the one who marries the one he is engaged to. And he who does not give her in marriage will do better. So marriage and the single life both characterized as good or well. The end of verse 36, decides not to marry the virgin, he does well. Verse 38, he who does marry does well. So in that sense neither one is contrary to God's plan for man. There is not a moral or ethical better, but he who does not give her in marriage. And again, to give her in marriage is just a word to marry. He who does not marry her does better. That give her gives you the idea that it is saying the father who would do this, but the word just seems to marry. He who does not marry her will do better.

Now what does it all mean? Well the advantages he's just talked about. You won't have divided interests. You won't add to the troubles related to the things of this life. I mean, just facts of life, practical matters. You'll be more free to devote more of your energy and time and attention to the things of the Lord. That's why it's better. It's not more spiritual, it's not more holy, it's not more godly. It is an alternative decision, but it is a decision that has benefits. Marriage has benefits, too, to be sure. But Paul is focusing on the particular benefits that come from the single life.

So there is Paul's guideline on whether you should get married or not. For those who have developed a relationship and are engaged or committed to a person and contemplating marriage, you are in a position to consider, should I follow through with this. Take these facts into consideration. One of the major factors will be a sexual desire, the other will be I contemplate if I don't have to have that fulfillment, do I want to take on the added troubles that will come with marriage and those things or would I be more free to serve the Lord as a single person.

Verse 39, now in the preceding verses he's primarily focused on the man's responsibility to the virgin, or whether he will marry her or not. He doesn't go back and walk all through that now with a virgin on the other side, but he does pick up with a single woman. Verse 39, a wife is bound as long as her husband lives. But if her husband is dead she is free to be married whom she wishes, only in the Lord. So he goes back now to talk about a woman who is single. Here he picks up a widow and enables him to condense some of the matter here. But it does make the point, a single woman has the same choices. She is free either to marry or not to marry. And consistent with what he said about the man. It is also ultimately the woman's choice. A wife is bound as long as her husband lives. Marriage is for life. Paul is not developing a doctrine on marriage here and divorce, he wants to get to the point if her husband is dead she is free, because we're talking about different kind of singleness. And he already talked about if an unbeliever divorces a believing wife she is free from that responsibility. Jesus talked about for immorality there may be divorce and freedom from that responsibility. But the general rule is until death do us part. God hasn't changed His view on it. The world gets the idea and sometimes the church, well if enough people do the wrong thing, God will change His view. We've been studying the history of Israel in the Old Testament. We ought to learn from that. When the whole nation does the wrong thing, God doesn't change His mind. I mean, everyone 20 years old and up is going to die in the wilderness for sin, only Joshua and Caleb are going to get to go into the Promised Land. Doesn't matter it's two million to two, surely God, you're not going to follow through? Why not? So we ought to be careful that we don't think, everybody is doing it, what can you do? But we do understand God's Word is true, we do understand the majority of people are going to hell and that still means the majority of people are going to hell. That was true in Jesus' day. The road to hell is wide, the gate is broad and many are going in. And the road to heaven is narrow, the gate is narrow and there are only a few that find it. And that's the way it is. So God's view here.

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives, but if her husband is dead she is free to be married to whom she wishes. And note that, to whom she wishes. She has to decide. Now there is one qualification, only in the Lord. You are not free to marry an unbeliever. We've already dealt with, maybe you got saved after you were married and your spouse is an unbeliever. Well, you shouldn't divorce them. But when you are making the decision to marry, and later Paul will write to the Corinthians in [ . . . ] 2 Corinthians 6 and say do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. He's not talking about marriage there, but obviously it applies to marriage. So you don't marry an unbeliever. So you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know you don't date an unbeliever when you're dating a person with a contemplation that they may be marriage material. And unbelievers aren't marriage material. So don't get entangled.

If her husband is dead she is free. Romans 7:2 says the same thing, free, to be married to whom she wishes. Now if she doesn't want to get married. . . . But she is free to remarry, that relationship is over. We already looked at this. It won't be a matter in life after this life. We won't be getting married. So that relationship is now over. We can appreciate the joy of it, the benefits of it, appreciate that spouse, but understand, we don't want to live in yesterday. I want to appreciate my yesterdays, but I can't live there, I can't live my life walking backwards looking at where I was and thinking of the way it was. And so we want to be careful here. But you are free to remarry. And it's her decision. It's not the parents' decision, it's not the kids' decision, it's her decision.

But in my opinion, Paul says, she is happier if she remains as she is. If she has the option she is a single person again. Now you have the opportunity to decide, do I want to enter into marriage again, do I want to take that trouble on? What will that mean? It means I have responsibilities again, I have divided interests, he may get sick and I'll have to take care of him. And then maybe . . . Paul says, I think I also have the Spirit of God. I'm giving you my opinion and this doesn't mean then you have to do one or the other, but this is advice the Spirit of God says you ought to take seriously. And we ought to. You know the first thing we think of, someone loses a spouse, the next thing we're thinking is I wonder who they could marry. It's a shame they can't find somebody. We end up being an exact opposite of where the Spirit of God gives advice. I don't want to be advising against the Spirit. Now some people want to get remarried, that's fine, she's free to remarry. But I become the marriage broker thinking they won't be happy unless they get remarried. Maybe we ought to think, you ought to consider whether it's God's will for you to be single. Isn't it nice to know God is sovereign in all this and we need to recognize. These are responsibilities we have personally. I sometimes seek counsel for things. . . . But understand we talk about marriage, single, that's a decision only I can make for myself. You can't decide whether I ought to be married or single, I can't decide for someone else. I'm married, it was the right decision for me, it's the decision I would make again today. Marilyn was burning with passion, it's the way I remember it.

You know we're not called to live someone else's life and when we try to we're not being biblical. All I can do is share what the Word says and encourage you to consider biblically what God said, and take His advice into consideration as you contemplate His will for you. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you might be able to know what the will of God is, Romans 12:2 says. And then make your decision. If it's to marry, that's not sin, that's not wrong. If it's to remain single, if you've never been married or now you're a widow or widower, here he just talks about widows but it would apply to the widower. He's gone back and forth through all this enough that we know a single person is in the position to make their own decision. It's a matter between them and the Lord and in light of their circumstances what is right for them.

We serve the Lord, I want to serve Him, I'm a married man, I believe that was God's will for me. I want to serve Him to the best of my ability and fulfill my responsibilities in marriage. For some people they can decide to be single, they have not been married or now they've been widowed and they have an added decision to make and they need to take into account this consideration. In the church we need to appreciate both. We oughtn't to go around feeling sorry for the singles, oh if only they could find someone, if they could only get married, if they . . . And here the Apostle Paul is saying they are better off than we are and so we ought to appreciate that and encourage them and encourage the singles to contemplate that option and appreciate the giftedness God has given them.

Let's pray together. Thank you, Lord, that your love and concern for us extends down to the details of our lives, to our everyday concerns. You are an awesome and sovereign God, yet you have taken us under your care and you guide and direct us according to your perfect purposes and plans for each one of us individually. Lord, I pray for the marriages represented here, that indeed our marriages might be a testimony to our commitment to you, that we might be godly men and godly husbands, godly women and godly wives. Lord, I pray for the singles, those who have never been married, those who are contemplating marriage, those who have been widowed, Lord that your Spirit would guide and direct them as they contemplate decisions in this area. That they would consider carefully what your will for them is and be comfortable in their own heart to make their own decision so that they might serve you in the best possible way. Again, thank you for the confidence we have that you will lead and guide us as we submit our will to you. We pray in Christ's name, amen.