What God Says Regarding Men & Their Roles

Transcript

GRM 1163
06/19/2016
What God Says Regarding Men and their Roles
Selected Verses
Gil Rugh

A little while back we had Mother's Day and I spoke on mothers, wives and lest you think that I am unbalanced, today we are going to speak on husbands and fathers and focus a little bit on their role and responsibility. Particularly we will focus on the relationship with husbands and fathers, but foundational to it all is God's plan for us in the different roles and responsibilities we were created to fulfill. What makes it difficult for us to put into practice consistently what God says in His Word is, the world is constantly moving in opposition to the Word of God. What I am going to be addressing is primarily addressed to those who have a relationship with God through faith in Christ. Because of sin we have no relationship with God and that relationship has been broken. And it is foundational to having a life that can be all God intends it to be. Only when a person comes into a relationship with God through faith in Christ, has their sin forgiven, and they are made new within can they begin to function in a way that is honoring and pleasing to God and fulfilling for themselves. So we are having that as a foundation—those who have dealt with their sin by placing their faith in Jesus Christ. God created us in His image so that we could enjoy our relationship with Him and our relationship with one another.

We have to start in Genesis as we always do on this kind of subject, so come back to Genesis 1. We're not going to spend as much time on that as we have previously, assuming that as the foundation for many or most of you. But just a reminder, here at the very beginning is where believers and unbelievers part ways, where we find ourselves in conflict with the world in a conflict that gets stronger and more open and evident with the passing of time. In Genesis 1 as God has created the earth and all that is in it, He says in verse 26, “Then God said, Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness and let them rule” over the rest of creation, basically. Verse 27, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them.” There is an indication of the priority of man as male even here, as we noted in our prior study, because He refers to creating man in His image and He creates man as male and female. Obviously talking about mankind there, but man as male will place a priority in this creation.

“God blessed them,” both the male and female, “said to them, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it.” And we are going to note right here at the beginning, it was God's plan for children because He told them, be fruitful and multiply. So in spite of all the trouble kids cause us, they are still part of God's plan before the fall. Not a result of the fall, but before the fall. God planned that Adam and Eve would have a family and that will be God's normal pattern. On other occasions we have talked about God's provision for those who do not get married, male and female, those who may get married and not have children. We recognize God's hand in various ways, but the normal pattern is male, female, children; the husband, wife and the children.

What happened, when you come to Genesis 2, is God explains the details. He just gave an overall summary in Genesis 1. He created man as male and female in His image to rule over all the rest of creation. Chapter 2 gives you the details, there was an order followed. First God formed the man, male, out of the dirt. Genesis 2:7, “The Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, man became a living being.” He plants a Garden, man is placed there for care and cultivating the Garden. But in verse 18, “The Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone, I'll make a helper suitable,” or fitted, “to him.” And then in verse 21, “The Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept. He took one of his ribs, closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and brought her to the man. The man said, this is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, they shall become one flesh.”

So the normal pattern that God has established from the beginning, it is not good for a man as male to be alone, he needs a helper. You'll note God created the helper, both are in His image but God created them differently. He created the man first from the dirt and then the woman out of a part of the man. So she is still in the image of God as is the man, but she gets the image from being derived from the man. And then from that point on all the children born down to all of us here today bear the image of God because it has been passed on, derived from the first man and woman and passed on. So we are created in the image of God. That image gets marred by sin in Genesis 3, but it is still there. And God in His grace provided a Savior so we could be cleansed, forgiven our sin and spared the ultimate consequences of sin, which is eternal separation from God in hell.

You see in Genesis 2 the foundational relationship established is as husband and wife. Now we are told in verse 24, the man leaves his father and mother, cleaves to his wife. That indicates in the subsequent days and years and millenniums the basic relationship will be the husband and wife because the man leaves his family and is joined to his wife and they create another family. So the basic relationship is not the parent and child, the basic relationship is the husband and wife. When we talk about the husbands, men need to understand and know that and the wife was created for the husband, and he needs her. Because when God created the man as male, it was not done. Now God can make special provision but in the normal pattern the man needs the woman, he needed the woman as his wife before sin entered the picture. There is no sin in Genesis 2, yet God says it is not good for the man to be alone. So man needs to realize and understand the importance of the woman as his wife for him to be all God intends him to be and to do all God intends for him to do. Now again Scripture makes clear there are exceptions, we think of the Apostle Paul and he talks about the benefits of the single life. God does make provision, but we don't want to lose sight of what is the pattern. We have crossed the line, there are more people not married and yet live together, we fail to appreciate God's plan, God's pattern and its importance.

And living in this environment is a constant pressure to shape us in our thinking, in our attitudes and in our behavior. That's why as God's children we must constantly remind ourselves, this is what God intends. This is still His plan, nothing has changed. The world has become more open in its defiance of God's plan, even denying the distinction between a man and a woman, and you can be what you want. You are back attacking God as the creator. And then denying God's plan for marriage. It has become a normal acceptable thing, people live together but don't marry. And we as men need to understand because we are entrusted with the responsibility to take leadership in these matters.

In my file (since I am old) I have yellowed articles, but it is interesting to go back and see how things have progressed, even over the years that I have been pastoring. This is an article, this isn't so old, this was several years ago in the local paper, reprinted from a Minneapolis paper. The middle class is trading “I do,” referring to marriage, for “maybe later,” and how things have undergone such a change. In the six years since this article appeared the changes have even accelerated, that marriage is not something that you start your life together. That is something that after you have everything you want, you get your education in, you get a good job, you are making a good income, you have bought a house. Now I am ready to get married. Some of you old folks who watch the house program, you watch these couples and they start dating and they have jobs and then, we're ready to take the next step in our relationship—buy a house. Marriage is not the next step, we have to have everything in order. In fact this article ends, this person thinks it is a problem, marriage is seen less as a journey and more as a destination. And that concerns me because it is the journey and not the destination.

Now this thinking, they interview a man here for example, he is in his 30s, he has a girlfriend but I hope someday to be married to her, but right now we have to concentrate on getting ourselves financially stable and all of that stuff to be settled. Then someday, maybe one day, I hope that we'll take the step of marriage. And that kind of thinking begins to infect us as Christians if we are not careful. Well, you know there are responsibilities when you are going to get married, men need to be aware of that, but the idea . . . We tell our kids, you have to be sure, you have to be settled, you have to be this and that and the other thing. I wasn't. Many of you who are a little older probably weren't either.

And so we begin to think like the world does, and marriage is something after you have everything in your life settled and put together. I needed a wife to help me get it settled and put together. That's what God said. It's not good for Gil to be alone, he'll never get it done right. He needs a wife, suitable, a helper for him. But we begin to think like the world and the world is unsettled, the world is unsure. Are you going to be able to afford this? Are you going to be able to afford that? Are you going to be able to do this? Wouldn't it be better if you waited until you have your doctor's degree and you have some money in savings and maybe you have a large down payment for a house? We better back up and say, is this God's plan? Or is this the world that never is functioning according to God's plan? Now I'm not saying there is not a place for planning and responsibility, but recognizing what that is and realizing that marriage is God's plan to help us get there is a beneficial thing and there is variation. I'm not saying everyone has to be married at 20 but we want to be careful we are driven by biblical concerns, not the world's concerns.

I was told when I had to drop out of the Bible college I was attending, you will never be back to finish, you'll never be in the ministry. It is over for you. It was just beginning for me. I wouldn't have made it if I didn't have a wife. How did they get off track on that? So we want to come to the Word and be sure.

So men for us to realize the basic relationship God has established for us is with our wives, not the kids. The kids don't come first, the wife comes first. She is my priority. A happy wife, a happy life is biblical. Doesn't come from a chapter and verse but men need to be concerned about the well-being of their wives. Then the children will fit into that. That doesn't involve ignoring the children, but it does involve establishing the priority.

Come over to Ephesians, we're just going to run through some verses on a variety of areas for the man's responsibility. But in Ephesians 5, a passage we come to often, we're just going to pick up what it says for the men. And incidentally while we are here, Ephesians 5:18 gives the basic command, at the end of that verse, “Be filled with the Spirit.” And then the following instructions down into Ephesians 6 give what are the manifestations and evidence we are living under the control of the Spirit. So we are talking about responsibility here of men in fulfilling their responsibility because they have submitted their lives to the control of the Spirit and are doing what God would have them do.

So you read in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Now in this context he did talk to the wives, when we talk about their relationship. God is concerned about this relationship. Millenniums have gone by since the creation but God's plan has not changed. It's not a matter, well culture is different now than it was. We're talking about creation, not culture; what God Who is the Creator intends in His creation and the relationship of the husband and wife was established in Genesis 2. The Creator is not influenced by the tide of the world, this is His perfect plan.

“Husbands, love your wives.” And the example is the coming to this earth of God's only begotten Son to sacrifice Himself for the benefit of His bride, the church. “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Verse 28, “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” The point is we do, and we have selfish men, selfish husbands who think about themselves. Sad for a wife married to a selfish husband. We are to be selfless in our love for our wives, thinking about what would be best for her, what would be pleasing to her, what would she like, what would be for her benefit? That is the responsibility given to the husband in this relationship God has established. Men think, “I need time with my men friends, I need time with . . .” Get over it and grow up. I need my little room, it's my man cave. My friends can come over. I don't care if you have a man cave, I have my study. But we want to be careful, it's not about me, us. Men can be just like grown up babies. What is a wife supposed to do with a 44-year-old? Pray for her. We men need to realize our responsibility, my wife is my responsibility, she is God's blessing to me and I am to love her and give her priority. Colossians 3:19 says the same thing, another verse that emphasizes that.

Now children come into the picture and that does rearrange life greatly. That's why you see many people today not having children, we don't want to have that. It's not a disruption, it's a blessing. Now if God chooses not to provide children in the home, then that is best for that home. But the normal pattern is going to be children. And by the same token this does not change the relationship of the husband and the wife. The husband is still to love his wife and give her the priority, the wife is still the helper created, fitted for her husband. It's not now we have the children, the wife's total attention is the children and the husband's attention is over here and we begin to grow apart. So that when the children leave we don't have much left in common. God's plan is children and the father is still to love his wife. That was said in Ephesians 5.

Come down to Ephesians 6, and it opens up there, children have responsibility to obey their parents, both father and mother. And this is right, this is the Lord's intention. And you honor your father and your mother. We'll say more about that in a moment. Verse 4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” You see responsibility here for the oversight of the family because remember the wife is under the husband's authority in the home, biblically, and the children are under the authority of the father and the mother. And since the father has ultimate responsibility, and that will include ultimate responsibility for discipline. I can't understand, sometimes we are out and you are in a store or a restaurant and you have a little kid all upset and the father is sitting there like he does . . . . Like the wife should get this fixed, and the mother is trying to fuss and work with the kid and the father is there like he is just a stranger who happened to take a seat. The father is ultimately accountable and responsible here in a biblical home. Now you have to be careful. Fathers can think I'm in charge, I'm authority, so they think they are the boss of their wife instead of the one who loves their wife. Then they think they are the one who keeps their thumb on the kids and constantly after them and goading them. “Don't provoke them to anger, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” There is discipline and instruction of the Lord, you handle it properly. The father is ultimately responsible here, doesn't mean the mother can't discipline the children. But the ultimate responsibility for the condition of the home rests on the father. Obviously in a biblical home the father and the mother will be working together. But the father can't give up the responsibility and accountability God has given him.

Come back to Colossians 3, and I mentioned verse 19, “Husbands, love your wives, do not be embittered against them.” Why does the Spirit have to say that? Why is it that the person you enter into marriage with, that you love, you are going to sacrifice yourself and your own selfish desires for her good. Now he has to say you love them and don't become embittered to them. We have to be careful of that, the Spirit wouldn't say it if it weren't a danger. Don't become embittered against your wife. We begin to think, she should do this, she shouldn't do that, I would like this, I don't like that. Pretty soon we are embittered toward our wives.

“Children, be obedient to your parents,” father and mother, “for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children so they will not lose heart.” Fathers need to know. You know part of what happens, we talk about the changing of roles and women don't know what they are to be as a godly woman, men don't have any idea anymore. That's the devil's plan, to dismantle God's plan. Fathers are to know how to lead their home, to discipline their children, but not exasperate them. Not always demanding of them unreasonably. You are bringing them along, you don't want them to lose heart. You want them to be encouraged. Even your discipline is in that context, you don't discipline them just because you had a bad day at work and you just were short. Or they interrupted your favorite sporting event just at a key time. Discipline is to be, the father is disciplined and exercising his discipline.

Come back to Proverbs, we are going to read some verses on discipline, Proverbs 13. You know when the world functions biblically even without intending to because we are created in the image of God and we have an awareness and conscience and all of that. We have an awareness of right and wrong. I grew up, my parents weren't believers when I was young but we had discipline in the home. I went to a school that was a public school, same school my Dad went to—four-story grade school. There was order, we didn't have any special classes for problem kids. There weren't any problem kids. They beat it out of us because we were all problem kids. And do you know what? Here we are in the old four-story grade school, we were in the Allegheny Mountains. You lined up from the front steps in a double line side-by-side all the way out and up the sidewalk. Didn't matter if it snowed, your parents were supposed to dress you for the snow. And when the principal stepped out the door, everybody stopped talking. What about the kids with attention deficit disorder? They beat it out of them, all of us boys had attention deficit disorder. I was born with it. It's called a sin nature. I realize every kid had his own and some were more difficult than others. But do you know what? We all walked in when the principal was there, “Good morning, Miss McConnell; Good morning, Miss McConnell.” One day I turned around to say something to my friend and the next thing I know I'm halfway down the hall. Somebody has me by the collar. Don't you know when to talk and when not to talk, young man? And I'm on my way to the principal's office thinking, I hope my Dad doesn't hear about this. There was some order.

Discipline. Men, listen; wives, take a nap. Proverbs 13;24, and these are addressed to men because he is addressing his son. Doesn't mean wives aren't involved in discipline, the children have to listen to their mothers. But do you know who made us three boys, my sister came later and she was handled differently, do you know who made the three boys listen to Mom? Not my mother. My Dad because my mother would not discipline. She just said, “Go to your room until your Dad comes home.” My Dad worked at the steel mill; he might not be home until 8 o'clock. You go to your room and wait for your Dad. Then my Dad would come home, I would hear out there “bzzzbzzzzbzzzz.” I could tell my mother wasn't happy. So my Dad comes back through the door, he wasn't happy. Unhappy wife, unhappy life, I guess. Do you know what? He carried out the discipline. And I've shared the story, I remember the time, I was young but I never forgot it. “Dad, you haven't heard my side.” “You don't have a side, your mother is always right even when she is wrong. Do you understand?” I just understood that if my mother tells me to do something and I don't do it, Dad is going to get me. I don't get a chance. I wasn't elevated to my mother's level so I could argue my case like my Dad was the judge to decide between my mother and me. He was carrying out the role of a father. He wasn't saved yet, but some things were being passed along that were still biblical. Some men don't have the foggiest idea that they are responsible for the condition of their home, the discipline of their children. You see kids in the store; we were in a store the other day and this little kid throwing a fit. The mother couldn't figure out what do you do? You try to reason, you try to argue, you try to talk. I wouldn't be here today if I had done that in a store. My Dad, he is dead now, but he would have spent his life in prison for murder, I guess.

Proverbs 13:24, “He who withholds his rod hates his son.” I find it hard to discipline because I love him so much. Lie. Because God says if you don't discipline . . . It's inconvenient, I don't want to be bothered and besides I've listened to the psychologist who says that is violence. I have an old article here, it is yellowed, I forgot I had it. This is from almost 30 years ago, it only gets worse. This is two university professors from different universities who joined together in a book and it is on violence in the home. Violence is inappropriate, no matter what it is. If a household has infrequent episodes of grabbing, shoving or spanking even once a year, that still is a violent home. So if you spank your kids once a year that's a violent home. And you know we need a public policy making it so people can't use violence in family situations.

Now I realize there are homes where there is abuse, of course, nothing to do with what the Bible is talking about. And that's not an excuse to say spanking a child is violence. It's not. “He who loves him disciplines him diligently.” The rod was applied properly. That doesn't mean you beat him up until his nose is broken and his face is bloodied. You realize sin makes you stupid, even university professors can't understand the simplicity. You know pain is sometimes good. You go to the doctor and he says this is going to hurt but you'll be glad you had it done. And that's the way discipline is. If it's not unpleasant, it doesn't do anything. “He who withholds his rod hates his son.” I realize we have to be wise, so men, you be wise. I'm not saying you ought to start spanking your kids in the grocery store, you probably will get arrested for violence. But you may leave the grocery store and go home and in the privacy of your home with yourself under control you explain why this is going to be done and you follow through.

Proverbs 19. I think you need to listen, we have kids in our own church family who don't know how to behave. This applies to us. Proverbs 19:18, “Discipline our son while there is hope, do not desire his death.” Where is an undisciplined child going? Look around the world, look around our society. They are hanging out here, they are hanging out there. They don't know what to do with themselves. We go to Colorado to a city there, I went in and out of the city of Philadelphia every day for five years, I never saw what I see in this city. Kids of all ages just hanging out on the corner, lounging around, going nowhere. They are healthy enough to be around with their friends and holding up a sign, but where do they come from? Don't discipline them. It's too late when they get to be adults. Start early, even a diaper. A child can know by the tone of your voice and change in the movement of the diaper, maybe that is not acceptable in this family. However you do it.

Proverbs 22:15, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” You see the problem, because of sin. Now I realize some children are more difficult than others, but all children are born sinners. Some can be more of a challenge. That's why, men, you ought to saturate yourself with the book of Proverbs. When I was raising my kids, maybe this is hard to believe, there were times I said, “Lord, this isn't working.” Then I'd come back and say, “Lord, this is what you say, this is what we're going to do.” “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” We have removed the rod of discipline from our homes. What do we have? Foolishness going on everywhere. The schools, they can't keep the kids, you have to have special classes, you have to have this, you have to have that because there is no control in the home. And if you don't have to be controlled in the home, you don't have to be controlled when you go to school. And you don't have to be controlled in the grocery store. And we build the life around the kids, and build their self-esteem. And if they get paddled, they may feel bad about themselves. Good. When you do wrong, you ought to feel bad. And a little bit of pain properly applied is biblical.

Proverbs 29. I'm a grandparent, you know grandparents become experts in discipline, now that their kids are gone. Proverbs 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom. A child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” When I see these kids carrying on in the store or places like that with their mother, I think of this verse. What a shame, here is a mother who can't control. When I see a father who doesn't know what to do, here you have a three-year-old throwing a tantrum and you have a grown man, 200 lbs., and it's like he is paralyzed. You don't know what to do. We as believers ought to be filled with the Word. If you are a father, you ought to read a proverb a day for the next year—one proverb a day, you'll get through the book of Proverbs in a month. Read it, reread it, reread it, reread it, reread it. This book of all the books of the Bible contains the most what we would call practical wisdom, of instruction for life in your job, your home and other things. This is where you go. Well, we are told that you shouldn't do this, I go and see what God says and that's the plan, that's the pattern. The world even functions better when they do. When our family wasn't saved and my parents weren't, we still function better to have discipline in the home. My parents would take us to someone's home we were going to for the evening, they would say, remember you don't talk unless adults talk to you. You sit quietly. Adults today can't have a conversation because the kids won't stop talking. And of course we don't want to stifle them. And so they grow up thinking the world revolves around them and then they are frustrated when they find out it doesn't. Because everybody thinks the world revolves around them. Discipline. I say this because fathers, you are responsible for the condition of your home.

Come over to 1 Timothy, now here are the marks of godliness for a man who would be an elder or pastor. But they are just the marks of godliness, they should be something we all want to do. But for those who are going to be an elder or pastor, verse 4, “he must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity.” Not getting control of them when they become adults and they are out and have their own life. I ought to be able to manage my own house. And you keep them under control with dignity. This is not a man who loses his temper and disciplines his children. If you are really upset over something that has happened, tell them to go to their room and wait until you get there. And give yourself some time to get yourself together. You want to manifest to your children the responsibility of what? Their responsibility to control themselves in their behavior. If you are out of control in your home, what are you modeling to them? And then you go on and explain the discipline and what is going to be.

In our home as you know we used the ping pong paddle because they have a nice, broad surface. My Dad used a belt but I chose the ping pong paddle. And we would to it by numbers. If they had disobeyed then you are going to get two—one, two firmly applied. If that didn't deal with it, the next time was three. I remember being asked by one of my children, how high will you go? Kids are negotiators, they are always watching. Is there a crack here? If I had said five, they'd say I think I can tough it out, it's worth it. The next question. I said, well, it's up to you. Until you stop doing the wrong thing and start doing the right thing we'll just keep at it. Would you go to ten? If you are still doing the wrong thing, we'll go to ten. You know what happens to us fathers, we just sort of give up and let mother take care of it, and she should do something. No, you should do something and the kids ought to be perfectly behaved when you are at work or someplace else and they are with the mother because you will support the mother. All she has to say is I took the kids to the store and they wouldn't behave. And that may happen. It shouldn't happen the second time, if it happens the second time, it shouldn't happen the third time. If it keeps happening the discipline is not painful enough.

We tried to beat my Dad one time, my brother and I, when the belt was coming we thought we would slide a magazine down the back of our pants. Didn't work. But what were we thinking? We don't mind discipline as long as it doesn't hurt. We think we don't want to hurt the poor little things. We don't want to hurt them in the wrong sense, but discipline is necessary. All right, so you can't be influenced by the world, you have to do it biblically.

I think the man is ultimately responsible to provide for his home, doesn't mean the woman can't provide in a way. The woman in Proverbs 31 contributed to the finances of the home by what she made and sold and so on. So a husband and wife work it out, but the man ought to understand his responsibility and role. And he sets the pace. Some men want all the toys and all the things, well, some people have been blessed with finances, so they can have many toys. But I, as the head of my home, must be careful that I am not building it around this. Ultimately I am responsible for the finances of my home and for the condition of my home in those areas.

Come back to Proverbs 6:6, “Go to the ant, oh sluggard, observe her ways and be wise.” Talking to the sluggard, and this is a chapter addressed, begins in verse 1, you'll note, “My son.” Warns about getting in debt. Come down to verse 10, “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest. Your poverty will come like a vagabond, your need like an armed man.” One of the people in Colorado, when we go there, people help these people. They are not helping them. Give them money. There was a young couple, they couldn't have been older than their early 20s, they are standing there, they look as healthy, she is holding one kid and one kid standing here and he is holding a sign up asking for money. They look perfectly healthy, they can drive down to the store, there are signs out “Help Wanted.” People give them money. Why? Because they don't want to work. Here is a guy sitting here with his dog, here is a couple sitting there with their dog. Dogs are big out there in Colorado, I don't know why I go there, I'm not a doggy. But maybe people give more money, they feel sorry for the dog and so they give it to the owner. You don't help people doing that, they ought to learn—no workee, no eatee. That's from Thessalonians, in a paraphrase—“Those who don't work don't eat.” I mean, we want to raise our children to be disciplined, we as men want to manifest that.

I remember asking my mother, why is Dad always at work? Your father has to work hard to provide a place for us to live so we have food to eat, so you have clothes to wear. They support one another.

So being a worker. Proverbs 14:23, “In all labor there is profit, mere talk leads only to poverty.” Proverbs 20:13, “Do not love sleep or you will become poor. Open your eyes, you will be satisfied with food.” That doesn't mean you shouldn't get adequate rest, but just because you don't feel like getting up is not a good reason for not getting up. Set the alarm. My Dad had me get a job when I was in fifth grade, delivering papers. Since fifth grade I’ve had a job because he never thought he should give me money. When I needed gas he never realized that was his fatherly obligation to see that the tank was full. When I didn't have gas I hitchhiked. But he never thought he would pay me for something he told me to do. Go cut the grass and I'll pay you. Go cut the grass and you'll get something if it is not cut when I get home. No.

All right, go through the book of Proverbs, look what it says about working, being a worker. Go to the book of Ecclesiastes, it says sometimes it feels like you are working for nothing. All that work is emptiness and foolishness. And have times in there where you enjoy life with your wife, when you enjoy the good things God has provided. But you live your life recognizing, Ecclesiastes 12, “you will give an account to God for everything you have done.” So we are diligent and faithful. Man is to be a provider for his home.

That is different from the world, the world wants to make us competitors. We don't get married so we can complement one another and a wife can have a role she fulfills and a husband can have a role. We want it so we do the same thing. And we end up making everybody discontent. God didn't create man as male and female so we could compete with one another, He created man as male and female so we could complement one another. We have to be careful we don't adopt the world's thinking in this, even as believers, in the way we raise our kids, the type of home we want to have. And men, we are responsible for that. Can't control everything. There is no guarantee if you are a godly husband you will have a godly wife, if you are a godly wife you will have a godly husband, if you are godly parents you will have godly kids. Doesn't work that way, it's not automatic. You put in a coin and this is what comes out. But I realize I fulfill my responsibility. The only person I can control, I can change is me. I have to realize that as a man. I am responsible for my home but my first and number one responsibility is to be sure I am all that God says I should be. And that's where we become embittered with the wife—well, if she did this, if she did that. Don't be embittered against her. Are you everything God says you ought to be as a man, as a husband, as a father. This is where we are. If not, get to work on it, and we all have work to do. That's the point.

Man is the leader and protector for his home. We can't get around this. I realize this is abomination in the world. God created the man to be the leader. I see that as true in every area. The woman was made to be a comforter, a support and even if she is not married her role and realm is different than that of a man. You don't become a man just because you don't get married. You have your own realm and we want to do things that are consistent with being a woman. A man needs to understand the responsibility to be a man. I'm not going to get married because I don't want the responsibility. Well, I want to stay a four-year-old all my life. That's not a biblical reason. I have to serve the living God, I am His slave. I cannot absolve myself of responsibility. If I don't believe God intends me to be married or He doesn't provide the mate for me, fine. But just because I don't think I feel like being responsible. Paul says the reason he sought the single life, it gave him more energy to devote to the Lord. It wasn't, now I don't have to work as hard and I can retire earlier and I can do nothing. The world may admire that, that's not biblical.

You are the leader of your home. The two reasons given in 1 Timothy 2, the man was created first, then the woman. The woman sinned and the man followed. Those are two reasons given why the man ought to be providing the leadership. They go back to the beginning. Thousands of years later the Spirit of God directs Paul to say, that's why the man leads. It's not a cultural thing, it is the biblical thing. Men must understand what our role is. I'm the boss, she should do what I want. And you should read Ephesians 5, you have to love her as Christ loved the church and sacrificed for her. He doesn't treat us that way. And we need to put things in biblical perspective.

Now some of the problem you as a man might be having is you are not saved at all. You have been raised in a Christian home perhaps, attend a Christian church, you have all the things you can say. You have never had a changed life and you are constantly struggling to try to look like a believer when you really at heart don't even want to. You are not treating your wife the way you should. That's a good place to start. If you are not, you probably are not a believer. What makes you think you are when you live in open defiance of what He says? When things go on in the home, you ought to stop and say, wait a minute. Lord, you see me as I am.

Come to Deuteronomy 6, look at how the chapter goes. Starting verse 1, “Now this is the commandment, the statutes, the judgments which the Lord your God has commanded me to teach you that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it.” This is Moses preparing the people to go into the land of Israel, the land that God promised to them. “So that you and your son and your grandson might fear the Lord your God, to keep all His statutes, His commandments which I command you all the days of your life, that your days may be prolonged.” He promises them blessing. “Hear oh Israel,” verse 4, “the Lord is our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God will all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind.” Is that true of you as a man, as a husband, as a father? I love the Lord with all of my being. Do you know what the next verse is? “These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart.” That's why we've been looking into Scripture. Don't claim to love the Lord and disregard His Word. To have it on your heart means it is precious to you. Like Jesus would later say,”If you love Me you will keep My commandments.” This idea that I love the Lord, I mean, if we would ask for a show of hands of wives, how many of you think you have a godly husband? Would anybody be embarrassed here to have his wife not raise her hand? Would there be embarrassment? What would the wife's observation of you be? Would you say your husband is a godly man, a godly husband who truly loves you with a biblical love? If she wouldn't say that, what makes you think God says you belong to Him? You have to love the Lord your God with all your being and that means then His Word will be precious to you and it would grieve you not to do that.

“And you teach them diligently to your sons and talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk in the way, when you lie down, when rise up. You bind them on the doorpost of your home.” This is a home and a life that is controlled by the Word of God. And you pass it on to your sons because the sons are responsible for their home. That doesn't mean the wife does not need to be godly, of course we've talked about that. And all of us need salvation, men and women alike. We're talking about the men, condition of our home and what we are. Is this true of our home? True of me? Do we have a home that is shaped by the Word of God? I can't make my children become believer, but I can as much as is within me first emphasize with my own self, I am going to be all that God says I should be. I'm going to have the relationship with my wife that God says I must have and He intends for me to have with her, to love her unselfishly. Then I'm going to model for my children godliness in my conduct in the home, in my relationship with my wife, in my relationship with them. And I'm going to talk to them about the Word of God. When I do discipline them, I'm going to explain from the Word of God why I have to do this, because I love them and it's for their good. God says this, and share with them. We are responsible for that. We men need to give some time to stop and think about our home, about our relationship with our wife, first and foremost our relationship with the Lord, relationship with our wife, relationship with our children. God intends to bless His people.

We don't talk about this to beat people down, but how can I enjoy the fullness of God's blessing when I am not walking in fellowship with Him, when I don't know Him, when I haven't been freed from the controlling sin, domination in my life that makes me a selfish, self-centered person. We need to settle that. And then to see my wife as precious as she is, worthy of my love. I ought to demonstrate it, my kids ought to see it. They ought to see my attitude toward them and then God can accomplish what only He can do in hearts.

Let's pray together. Thank You, Lord, for the riches of Your Word. Thank You for Your grace. Lord, You created us for a relationship with Yourself, You created us to have a relationship with one another. Lord, I pray for the men who are here, Lord, first of all for their spiritual condition, that they might be open and honest with You, to settle things that may need to be settled. Lord may we as men be men committed to godliness, to have homes that are a testimony to the work of Your grace in our lives. We pray in Christ's name, amen.