Christ Preeminent (Part Twenty-Four): More Than Words

Transcript

JRNT 46
2/11/2024
Christ Preeminent (Part Twenty-Four): More Than Words
Colossians 3:19
Jesse Randolph

Well, we're going to start our time this morning with a tale of two husbands, a tale of two men representing two real marriages, real Christian marriages. The first man we'll look at is John Wesley. John Wesley was a prominent figure in the Great Awakening which swept over both the American colonies and England in the mid-1700s. The Lord used John Wesley as well as his brother Charles and George Whitefield in especially powerful ways during that time in the history of religious revival. In 1751 while Wesley was rising in prominence, he married a woman named Mary Vazeille. When we look at some of the earliest correspondence between John and Mary his new bride, especially in those early formative years of their marriage, what we see is a young man in John Wesley who was committed to living out the Bible's teachings in terms of how a husband is to love and to interact with his wife. In fact, here are some excerpts of letters that John wrote to Mary in the earliest years of their marriage. He wrote, “How is it that absence does not lessen but increase my affection? I feel you every day nearer to my heart. Oh, that God may continue His unspeakable gift.” Later he wrote, “Last night I had the pleasure of receiving two letters from my dearest earthly friend. I can't answer them until I tell you how I love you, though you knew it before.” Then he wrote to her, “I think you might have found a better husband, but oh, where could I have found so good a wife? If I was not to bless God surely the stones would cry out.” Wesley had a way with words, not only from behind the pulpit but with his wife. As time went on though, the two of them, John and Mary, grew further apart. Things cooled off, things got a little frosty, you could say. The jets cooled and the honeymoon was over. It's all chronicled in the letters that John sent Mary during this next phase of their married life, which provides this very gloomy window into this once happy but now crumbling marriage. For instance, in a letter written just a few years into their marriage John wrote this to his bride. He said, “Indeed, if you were a good woman, you would have long since given me carte blanche. You would have said, 'Tell me what to do and I will do it. Tell me what to avoid and I will avoid it. I promise to obey you and I will keep my word. Bid me do anything, everything and whatever is not sinful I obey. You direct, I will follow the direction.'” Not the warmest way to get your wife to submit to your leadership. John also scolded Mary in other writings for meddling in all of his travels and his preaching affairs, essentially telling her to leave him be. He wrote this in another letter. “Be content to be a private, insignificant person known and loved by God and me; attempt no more to abridge me of the liberty which I claim by the laws of God and man; leave me to be governed by God and my own conscience. Then shall I govern you with a gentle sway.” He is basically saying there, though we are married, Mary, you go ahead and live your life and I'll live mine. Let's stay married but let's otherwise go on to live entirely separate lives. But then the correspondence and then the words from John to Mary went from icy to surly to downright nasty. Here is another line that John wrote to his wife Mary many years after that. He said, “If you were buried just now or if you had never lived, what loss would it be to the cause of God.” In another exchange he wrote to his wife, “I hope I see your wicked face no more.” Sadly, there are many more examples like these. Well, Mary had finally had enough. She left her husband; she left him to his preaching and his travels. John apparently didn't care because around the time of Mary's departure he wrote this in his journal. “I did not forsake her, I did not dismiss her, I will not recall her.” They never reunited, sadly. In fact, they ended their lives in the state of permanent separation. In fact, Mary died first, and John didn't even know until several weeks later that she had passed away.

Well, that's the first marriage in our tale of two marriages, that of John and Mary Wesley, the tale of two husbands, that of John Wesley. The second husband we'll consider would be Martin Luther. Martin Luther's story is well known, he is of course the former German Catholic monk who challenged the teachings and the practices of the Roman Catholic church of his day. He hammered his arguments for reform of the Catholic church on the church door at Wittenberg, his 95 theses. And when he was challenged by the Catholic leaders of his day at this event called the Diet of Worms, he boldly refused to recant his writings and refused to stop advocating and proclaiming the true gospel of grace saying infamously, “Here I stand, I can do no other.” He is known most prominently for his reformational legacy. But here is something interesting. His wife, Katharina, also had a very fascinating story and life of her own. She was a former nun who had one day escaped from a convent under the cloak of darkness to get to what was happening in the reformation world at Wittenberg. There at Wittenberg she met Martin, and they were soon married. The Luthers had a very busy home, a very intense home. It was intense somewhat on account of Martin's rigorous work schedule, his busy ministry schedule, but it was also busy on account of them having six children. It was a lively home; it was a joyful home. But it was all rooted ultimately in their commitment, both of husband and wife, to what the Bible taught, not only about justification by faith, which was what Martin taught all the time, but on what it means to honor the Lord in their marriage. The fruit of the Luther's commitment to biblical truth led to a truly joyful and a truly thriving marriage, one that was rooted in their mutual love for the Lord and for one another. In fact, the record of Martin's love for Katharina, who he called Katy, is very well documented in his correspondence. He had all sorts of endearing nicknames for her. He called her the morning star of Wittenberg and Lady Luther and my empress. He also expanded on his love for her and also his love for the institution of marriage in his writings to her in his journals. He spoke of the exceedingly happy marriage that has been bestowed upon me by the grace of God. He said on another occasion, “Ah, dear God, marriage is not a thing of nature but a gift of God. The sweetest, the dearest and the purest life above all celibacy and singleness when it turns out well.” Then Katharina's love for her husband was reciprocal. She would write soon after Martin died, “For who would not be sad and afflicted at the loss of such a precious man as my dear lord was. He did great things not just for a city or a single land, but for the whole world. Therefore, I am truly so deeply grieved that I cannot tell a person of the great pain that is in my heart. And I do not understand how I can cope with this. I cannot eat or drink, nor can I sleep. And if I had had a principality or an empire and lost it, it would not have been as painful as it is now, that the dear Lord God has taken from me this precious and beloved man.”

Unlike the Wesley's, the Luther's marriage was a glowing testimony, a glowing testimony to God's infinite wisdom in joining one man and one woman together for a lifetime. The Luther's marriage was this beautiful representation of what a biblical marriage ought to look like. And this morning we're going to continue on in our study of the book of Colossians as we move on in what has become essentially a little miniseries in Colossians on God's design for the family. As we did last week, we're going to camp out here on a single verse here this morning, that verse being Colossians 3:19. Last week we were in Colossians 3:18 where we encountered this command, “Wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.” We spent our entire time exploring what that command means, what are its various implications in a sermon that was titled A Word to the Wives. This week we're going to be in verse 19, let's go ahead actually and lay our eyes on that text. Colossians 3:19, God's Word reads, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.” So, the women of our church felt the conviction, and I hope encouragement, last Sunday; this Sunday, men, it's our turn.

The title of the morning's message is More than Words, and I've given it that title because there are certain husbands, there are Christian husbands, who think that simply by saying to their wives, “I love you” or “love ya” or “mmmph” is a sufficient way to express how much he loves his wife or a sufficient way of living out the call on husbands to love their wives. On the other side of the spectrum there are certain husbands, certain Christian husbands, who think that by writing their wife a flowery poem or an acrostic or being like Luther or otherwise Shakespearean in the birthday card represents the extent of their duty as a Christian husband, even if they don't actually live out and act on the words that they give to their wives and live out Christian love in the marriage. Well, as we're going to see this morning, to live biblically, to live as a faithful man, to live as a faithful husband requires more than words. It requires action, it requires action both of a positive variety and action of a negative variety. In fact, take a look at our text again, Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives.” That's our positive command, and then it says, “and do not be embittered against them.” That's our negative command.

All right in terms of a road map of where we're going to be headed this morning as we work our way through this single verse, first we're going to develop some perspective. That will be our first point, The Perspective. We're going to evaluate the earth-shaking nature of Paul's words here, especially in the context in which he originally wrote them. Second, we're going to look at the positive aspect of Paul's command here where he says, “Husbands, love your wives.” and we're going to look at various biblical truths and implications which flow out of that very straightforward command. We'll call that The Prescription. Then last we'll spend some time studying the negative command he gives there in verse 19 where he says, “and do not be embittered against them.” We'll look at the meaning of that command and what it means for husbands in Christian marriages. We'll call that The Prohibition. So, we'll see The Perspective, The Prescription and The Prohibition.

We'll start with The Perspective. See, we can't fully appreciate what Paul is saying here without delving into some of the historical context. For starters we remember that Paul wrote this letter to the Colossians toward the middle of the first century to this little outpost of a town, Colossae. Before the gospel reached this town, this town Colossae was just like any other town in the Roman Empire during this time. It was a town that was a veritable melting pot of different ways of thinking and living and approaching life in the home. You had strands of Jewish thought going on here, you had strands of Greek thought, you had strands of Roman influence and thought. This was a town which would have been informed and impacted by all three: Judaistic, Greek and Roman ways of thinking about the home and also how men and women respectively were to function in the home. What we need to do here as good Bible students is tease out some of those key details related to all three ways of thinking that were swirling around Colossae during this time. We do that so we can better understand the meaning of what it says here in the text, Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.”

Let's start with the first strand of thinking, that would be the Judaistic strand of thinking that would have been there in Colossae at this time, and we know by the way that there was a Jewish strand of thinking there because of the Colossian heresy back in Colossians 2 where we see some certain Jewish or Judaistic ways of processing that are there. Well, in the Jewish way of thinking in the first century women, wives were considered to be little more than servants. In fact, it was a common prayer among the Jews of this time, for Jewish men at this time to say, “God, thank You that I am not a Gentile, a slave or a woman.” Under the Mosaic Law the conditions under which a husband could divorce his wife were really narrow, for instance Deuteronomy 24:1 mentions a husband being able to write a certificate divorce because he has found some indecency in her. That was the recognized ground for divorce, one of the narrow ones, finding indecency in your wife. Well, by the first century A.D. that language of Deuteronomy 24:1, by the days of Jesus' ministry on earth, by the days that Paul writes this letter to the Colossians, that language, finding some indecency in her, had been distorted and blown way out of proportion within certain segments of Judaism and certain rabbinical schools where virtually any form of disfavor in the eyes of the husband would be legitimate grounds for divorce. In There are many different stories in ancient first century Jewish literature of Jewish husbands during this time being granted divorces for things like the wife ruining the husband's dinner. There is even a story I found about a husband being granted a divorce because he found some other woman to be more attractive than his wife. Josephus, the well-known Jewish historian self-reported the fact that he divorced his wife because he was no longer pleased with her behavior. Whatever that means. So, in each of those instances the divorces were found, though, to fit within Deuteronomy 24:1 as the husband found some indecency in his wife. So that's a little bit of the flavor of what was happening in the Jewish way of thinking here in the Colossian community at this time, as Paul writes this letter to them.

Let's look now at the lingering Greek influence in Colossae during Paul's day. Now the Greek empire, the ancient Greek empire, had been toppled hundreds of years before Paul writes this letter but we know from historical records that Greek culture and Greek tradition was still very much prevalent in this part of the world in the first century. According to Greek cultures and customs and practices women were treated even worse than they were according to the Judaism of Paul's day. See, in Greek culture concubines were commonplace, meaning it was no rarity for a Greek husband to have multiple sexual partners and that was okay. According to Greek ideals the wife's role was simply to bear legitimate children to her sexually promiscuous husband and her other job was to keep the house in order. In fact, Demosthenes who lived a few centuries before Christ described what the Greek marriage looked like from the husband's perspective. He wrote, “We have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation,” there is sexual innuendo there, “and we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and being faithful guardians for our household affairs.” There is no apology, he is just kind of stating the facts, this is what it is. This was a culture, the Greek culture, that was given over to sexual gratification and prostitution and sexual immorality, porneia, and perversion. But even then, it was very one-sided and imbalanced culture in that respect where only one of the sexes—men, husbands—were allowed to partake of the buffet of carnal pleasures that were laid out before them.

Then we come to this third strand of thought, this third cultural influence in Paul's day as he writes to the Colossians. That would be the Romans. Under Roman law and Roman custom women were treated terribly. Prostitution was still common, concubines were still a regular feature of marriage, divorce was an easy legal formality and could be taken advantage of by a man as often as he desired. It was, the point is by the time Paul writes Colossians, truly a man's world and women were just along for the ride, just living in it. So much more could be said in terms of the background and the context of what the wives in Colossae would have been subjected to in the first century. We'll leave it here for now. Here comes Paul in Colossians 3:19 writing to these men at Colossae, writing to these husbands, writing to these Christian husbands and note the course-reversing, culture-shifting, jaw-dropping simplicity of his command here. He says, “Husbands, love your wives.” So that's a bit on the perspective, the backdrop, the context.

Now we come to The Prescription. Let's spend some time unpacking the meaning of those first few words of verse 19 where Paul says again, “Husbands, love your wives.” For Colossian men during this time, for Colossian husbands during this time a more digestible statement, a more relatable statement would have been something like, husbands tolerate your wives, husbands control your wives, husbands dominate your wives, husbands’ rule over your wives, husbands take what you want from your wives, husbands abuse your wives, husbands leave your wives. But that's not the command Paul gives here, instead he says, “Husbands, love your wives.” Those words written in the time in which they were initially given would have been incredibly difficult to read, difficult to receive, even difficult to comprehend for the average Colossian man, the average Colossian husband because they stood in such bold contrast to the world in which they lived, the assumptions they held and the households that they were running. Husbands shouldn't exercise dictatorial dominion over their wives? Husbands need to exercise loving leadership over their wives. That would have been to the average husband here in this town like a two-by-four hitting them in the middle of the forehead.

Now as with the word wives back in verse 18, we worked through that last week, when we come to this word husbands in verse 19, that word, andres, can refer either to a male as opposed to a female, we see it used that way in Jesus feeding the multitudes in Matthew 15:38 where it says, “And those who ate were 4000 men,” same word here, “besides women and children.” Or it can refer more specifically to a husband as we see in Matthew's gospel in the account of events leading up to the birth of our Lord in Matthew 1:19 where it says, “And Joseph her husband,” Mary's husband, same word here, “being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her planned to send her away secretly.” Well, in the context here of what we see here in Colossians 3 where Paul is very clearly addressing families and the composition and the functioning of the family unit it's obvious, he is not referring to men in general here but instead to husbands, just as we see it here in our translation. Then the first command he gives to the husbands is that they love their wives. Now on the one hand that is such a simple and straightforward command, just like the command to wives last week, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands,” that's also a simple and straightforward command. But also, as we saw last week in our study of Colossians 3:18, the command here to husbands in verse 19, though simple and straightforward and clear, is loaded with various different implications.

So, what we're going to do now is work through a list. If you've caught on by now I not only like alliteration, I like lists. So, we're going to look at a biblically supported list of the ways that the husband is to live out this command, the ways that the husband is to love his wife. I have a list, are you ready for this, of twelve ways that the husband is to love his wife. This is not Pastor Jesse's personal 12-step program, this is right where the text took me and I'm going to highlight it for you so you can challenge me after the service to make sure that everything I'm saying here ties back to a Scripture, not just some prescription I'm making up as I go here. So here we go, twelve.

Let's get into #1. First, the husband is to love his Lord before he loves his wife. We can't lose sight of this fact as we mine the depths of this text. The book of Colossians is written to Christians, the book of Colossians is written for Christians. The book's immediate audience, of course, was the first century church at Colossae, but as we've seen this book is packed with transcendent eternal truths which transcend centuries and continents and even languages. We can't lose sight of the fact that Colossians as a book, as a letter is Christian Scripture, meaning the command that we worked through last week, the command to wives, is written to Christian wives. The command we are working through today to husbands is written to Christian husbands. Paul wasn't writing some broad moral code of conduct for the world; he wasn't writing to worldly people who make up the world. He was writing to Christians, and in our context, he is writing to Christian husbands. Well, Christian husbands are, before they are husbands, Christians. Their chief identity is in the fact that they have a right relationship with God, a restored relationship with God through the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. They are first and foremost primarily followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. Recognizing that fact they understand that their first love is not their wife, their first love rather is their Lord. That's wrapped up in our Lord's two great commandments of Matthew 22:37-39 where He says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and foremost commandment. The second is like it, “you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” In other words, the Christian husband loves his wife as an overflow of his love for his Lord. Yes, he shares a roof with her and yes, he shares a bed with her, and yes, he shares a last name with her, and if the Lord has allowed, he shares children with her. But he also sees her as his neighbor whom he loves according to Christ's second great commandment as an outflow of his love for God first. So, he loves his Lord first.

# 2 principle here. The husband is to love his wife continuously. The verb here in verse 19 where it says, “Husbands, love,” that's the verb, “your wives,” that's an imperative, it's a command. Not only is it a command, though, it's a present tense command, meaning this is the type of love that is to be continuous. It's an all the time type of love, it's an in all situations type of love, meaning the husband who seeks to honor the Lord in his marriage loves his wife when he is not getting his way. He loves his wife when he is not getting what he wants from his wife. He loves his wife when she is being a dripping faucet. He loves his wife when her needs are inconveniencing his. And he loves his wife when she might sound a little irrational and perhaps a little emotional. He loves his wife continuously.

# 3, the husband is to love his wife sacrificially, sacrificially. Now looking at our text here, Colossians 3:19, admittedly we don't see that word sacrificially here on this page, but we certainly do see the concept of sacrifice and a husband living sacrificially, vis-a-vis his relationship with his wife, in the book of Ephesians. If you would turn with me over to Ephesians 5, we're actually going to be camping out here in Ephesians 5 for a while because this is Paul's fuller length treatment of what he is saying here in Colossians. Ephesians 5 and we'll pick up the whole section here in verse 22, just to give us context, then we'll work our way through it. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So, husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of His body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” It's from this passage and specifically verse 25 that we see that the husband is to love his wife sacrificially. Look at verse 25 again. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” That's an expansion of the thought that us see in our passage, Colossians 3:19, where those men in that city and us today are called to love our wives. Husbands are to love their wives with the same unreserved, sacrificial, selfless love that was modeled by Christ Himself in His love for the church. How much does Christ love the church? Well, He gave everything He had up to His own life for the sake of the church. Ephesians 5:2 says, “He gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” John 10:11 says, “He laid down His life for the sheep.” Galatians 1:4 says, “He gave Himself for our sins so that He might rescue us from this present evil age according to the will of God our Father.” Acts 20:28 says, “He purchased the church with His own blood.” Hebrews 9:14 says, “He offered Himself without blemish to God.” and then we see here in Ephesians 5:25, “He loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

Now I will concede women, specifically wives, have at times a difficult job, sometimes more than others, like we saw last week because they are required to, on the authority of God's Word, subject themselves to, submit themselves to their husbands, husbands who can sometimes be inconsiderate and insensitive, husbands who oftentimes aren't very good leaders, husbands whose jaws click when they eat or sneeze really loudly or leave the toilet seat up. But I have to say this not only because I am one but because it is true, husbands have the more difficult assignment not because of who their wives are, not because their wives are inherently unlovable but because they are held to this improbably, impossibly high standard of the depths of the love that Jesus Christ has for His church. That's the love that is being described here, the love that God expects husbands to demonstrate toward their wives. It's agape love, that form of love which seeks the greatest good of another person. It's unselfish love, its sacrificial love, it's a giving love. Again, it is modeled for us perfectly through Christ's sacrificial death in which “He gave Himself up,” it says in Ephesians 5:25, “for her,” for the church. It's no less than that example which husbands are to follow. It's no less than that example which husbands will once stand before Christ at the bema seat and give an account. No less than following the example of Jesus Christ Himself who shed His own precious blood for sinners like you and me. So, husbands are to love their wives sacrificially. Christ gave everything He had including His very life for the sake of the church, that's the standard of sacrificial love that a husband is to show his wife. That was our third one, husbands are to love their wives sacrificially.

Here is #4, husbands are to love their wives in purity. Look at verses 26-27, it says, “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she would be holy and blameless.” Now the immediate context of those words is still referring to the relationship between Christ and the church and that holy and purifying love that Christ has for His bride, the church. In these two verses we see that one of the purposes of Christ's death was to make the church, the universal church, that collection of individuals who have come to Him through saving faith and repentance over the course of history, to make them holy, positionally sanctified, set apart unto Himself. That's the very idea that we see referenced in Hebrews 10:10 where it says, “We have been sanctified,” set apart, “through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” Or Hebrews 10:14 says, “For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified.” That's the same idea here in Ephesians 5:26 where it says, “so He might sanctify her.” Then comes this next idea, you see the words there, it says, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word.” Now the her there is still talking about the church, this is referring to the regeneration of believers, the church. Not this building, not Indian Hills Community Church, but the church corporate, the church universal, which is made up of redeemed people, saved people who have experienced, as Titus 3:5 mentions, the washing of regeneration. Note here in verse 26 what is referred to here is the washing of water with the Word. Some have taken that to mean the Word that unbelievers initially hear when they are added to the church before they are regenerated, before they are saved, when they hear, Romans 10:17, “faith comes through hearing and hearing through the Word of Christ.” Others take this to mean the Word of God as it does its work in the life of believers who are already in the church. I take that latter interpretation because I think it fits what we see next in verse 27 and the whole context here where it says, “that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she would be holy and blameless.” So, Christ died to save, Christ died to sanctify, Christ died to cleanse and Christ died to present to Himself the church in all her glory. Now note, Christ didn't die for a church, for people who were already glorious, right? He didn't die for sinners who were worthy of salvation. No, one of the reasons He laid down His life was to present an otherwise inglorious church glorious. You see it there, “so that she would have no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.”

If you were with us a year and a half ago, I went through Revelation 2 and 3 where we saw those seven letters to the churches that the risen, ascended, glorified Christ addressed to those seven churches in Asia Minor. In fact, you could turn over with me to Revelation 2, we'll do kind of a real quick jet tour by way of reminder that a major theme of those seven letters that the glorified Christ addressed to those seven churches is that He wants, our Lord wants, a holy church. He wants a holy bride. Look at Revelation 2, the letter to Ephesus comes first and Revelation 2:5, the words of Christ here are “Therefore, remember from where you have fallen and repent and do the deeds you did at first.” To Smyrna in Revelation 2:10 he tells that church, “Be faithful unto death.” Or Pergamum, the third church, look at Revelation 2:13, He commends them for “holding fast to His name.” The fourth one, Thyatira, Revelation 2:19, He says, “I know your deeds and your love and faith and service and perseverance.” Then He writes to Sardis in Revelation 3:4, He says, “You have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their garments and they will walk with Me in white, for they are worthy.” To Philadelphia, Revelation 3:8, He says, “You have kept My Word and have not denied My name.” Then Laodicea, Revelation 3:19, He says, “Those whom I love I reprove and discipline.” You put all those statements together that Christ addressed to those seven churches in Asia Minor late in the first century and what they show us collectively, they show us again, is that Christ desires, indeed He demands, a holy bride, a pure church, one that, going back to Ephesians 5:27 now, has “no spot or wrinkle or any such thing,” so “that she would be holy and blameless.” Now those words holy and blameless, Ephesians 5:27, they echo the words of Ephesians 1:4 where we see that God “chose us in Him before the foundation of the world so that we would be holy and blameless before Him.” Those words echo what Paul says earlier in the book of Colossians in Colossians 1:22 where he says, “Yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach.”

Thanks for the theology lesson, Jesse, what does this have to do with Colossians 3:19? What does this have to do with husbands? What are you talking about? Thanks so much for asking. These examples of the Lord and His love for the church inform our love for our wives as husbands. The Christian husband, the God-fearing husband, the godly husband will in a manner similar to Christ's purifying love of His bride the church strives to live with his wife not only in an understanding way but to love her in a purifying manner. He will seek to lead her toward spiritual growth, he will help her and encourage her and redirect her in times of spiritual complacency and spiritual danger, he will warn her and pull her away from spiritual harm, he will lead her away from temptation and he will lead her toward holiness and godliness. The godly Christian man, the godly Christian husband will not be passive as it relates to his wife's own spiritual health. He won't be saying things, that's just between her and the Lord, I have my relationship with the Lord, and she has hers. No. He recognizes that as her spiritual leader, as her earthly head he has a great responsibility to love her by leading her which includes leading her spiritually. As Christ desires a holy church, a Christian husband desires a holy wife. He does all that he can humanly speaking, understanding this is all ultimately the work of the Holy Spirit, to keep her from dishonoring or displeasing God and encouraging her to become increasingly more conformed to the image of Christ. All that falls, by the way, under our fourth heading for a husband to love his wife in purity.

# 5, husbands are to love their wives in unity. For that idea we go to Ephesians 5:28-30. It says, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church because we are members of His body.” What this is describing ultimately is oneness, unity. The two shall become one flesh, which, this unity that we're going to see fleshed out here, will characterize any Christian marriage. It starts here in verse 28 with “So husbands ought also to love their wives as their own bodies.” What is being assumed here is that husbands, like anyone, will naturally care for themselves and naturally tend to themselves. They'll feed themselves, they'll hydrate themselves, they'll bathe themselves occasionally, they'll clothe themselves. That's all built into verse 29 where it says, “For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it.” What that is communicating ultimately is what we see back in verse 28, that “he who loves his own wife loves himself.” There is a parallel here, this parallel between the love or the care that the husband shows himself, not the self-love that the psychological world talks about today, but this is talking about caring for oneself, like providing for one's own basic needs. There is a parallel here; this parallel between the love or the care the husband shows himself that’s not like the self-love that the psychological world talks about today. This is talking about caring for oneself, like providing for one’s own basic needs. Well, there’s the love or the care that he shows himself and now the love or care he now is to show his wife because marriage involves this true union between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife. The idea here is that when the man loves his wife, because she is a part of him, because she truly is one flesh with him, he is in a very real sense loving himself. They are unified in that respect. As he cares for himself, he cares for her. In caring for her, he is caring for himself. They are joined together as one flesh; she is like his mirror image. Then in verse 30 we see that this unity between the husband and the wife, really the end of verse 29 and into verse 30, and this care the husband shows his wife as he nourishes and cherishes her is again this picture of Christ's relationship to the church. “Just as Christ also does the church,” it says, “because we are members of His body. So, husbands are to love their wives in unity, as one flesh—he cares for her as he cares for himself.

Here's #6, husbands are to love their wives with singularity. Look at Ephesians 5:31, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” Now as you can see from the capitalized text in your Bible there, this is a quote from an earlier passage of Scripture, specifically Genesis 2:24. We went over that passage last week in the Word to the Wives sermon, but as we can see right here as it is quoted in Ephesians, God's design was always that a man would leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife. Now that underlying word there, joined, in Hebrew, it really pictures this concept of two distinct items being pressed together. The best example I've seen given is it's like particle board or plywood. There are all these individual constituent parts, but they eventually get smashed together, joined together in this permanent unbreakable bond. That's the idea here of joining. Note it doesn't say the husband will be joined to his wife and her mother, doesn't say that the husband shall be joined to his wife and her father, it doesn't say that the wife's parents or the husband's parents get to call the shots in the marriage, it doesn't say that the wife should run to her parents whenever her husband hurts her feelings, doesn't say that the husband should run to his parents to get them to turn on his wife. No, the husband and the wife are a new unit, a new family, a new entity, joined together with the two having become one flesh. There has been a true leaving and cleaving, just as God has given us the prescription in His Word.

# 7, husbands are to love their wives in view of the mystery. Look at Ephesians 5:32, it says, “This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” What that's telling us is that Christian marriages serve as a picture, a testimony of something far greater than the marriage itself, namely Christian marriages point to the mystery mentioned by Paul here which he actually reveals when he says, “but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” We covered this last week as well, but our marriages and specifically for you husbands this morning, your roles as husbands are picturing something far greater than your marriage and something far greater than your role as husband. Our marriages are pictures of the very Gospel message itself, including the fact that Christ offered Himself as a sacrifice by dying for us and saving us. All of it was undeserved and in all of it we were completely unworthy. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrated His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners,” undeserving sinners, “Christ died for us.” A biblically minded husband, a God honoring husband understands that he gets that. He gets that his marriage and his love for his wife within his marriage is in a real sense theological. It's not only theological, it's evangelistic as it even points the unbeliever to this mystery of this relationship between Christ and the church and so the God honoring, biblically minded husband seeks to translate those truths into his marriage, showcasing not only for his wife but to the watching world how majestic and amazing and undeserved was the love of God which was shown him through Christ Jesus. So, husbands are to love their wives in view of the mystery.

# 8, husbands are to love their wives with no promise of reciprocity. Look at verse 33, it says, “Nevertheless each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.” That language is very similar, by the way, to verse 28 which we already went through. And then look at the final line of verse 33 here, it says, “and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Now note what verse 33 does not say. It doesn't say and then the wife will respect her husband, it doesn't say so that the husband can get the wife to respect him. No, it says that the husband is to love his own wife as himself. That's the command, “love his own wife even as himself.” That's his responsibility. Then we see this totally different command to the wife, “and the wife must see to it that she respect her husband.” The one is not conditioned upon the other, meaning that even if the wife does not heed this command from the Word, meaning if she doesn't see to it that she respects her husband, guess what the husband is still required to do—love his wife. The one is not hinged on the other, the one is not conditioned on the other. So, husbands here this morning, there is no room for game playing here, there is no room for blame shifting here, there is no room for passing the buck. No matter what type of wife you have, no matter how obedient or disobedient she is to the Word, no matter how much you might wish that she were wired differently, remember that the all wise, all knowing, all sovereign God of all made no mistake when He joined you with her; and He made no mistake by having both your name and her name appear on the marriage certificate. Knowing this and remembering that the Lord is the One who joined you together in the first place, you are to love her without conditions, without strings attached, without any demands or promises of reciprocity.

# 9, husbands are to love their wives in a posture of submission. Yes, the wife is to submit to her husband and to his leadership. Yes, the wife is to be subject to her own husband. But as she does so, she is submitting to a man who himself is to be submissive. We saw this last week, the husband himself, like any Christian, is to submit. That's the general posture of the believer. The husband himself loves his submissive wife submissively as he himself submits to God. Shall I repeat that? The husband himself loves his submissive wife submissively as he himself submits to God. James 4:7 speaks to men and women alike and it says, “Submit, therefore, yourselves to God.” and the husband also submits to Christ. I Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ.” It's right there, “Christ is the head of every man.” In other words, the husband who leads faithfully and seeks to lead faithfully is a husband who first submits faithfully, submits to God. Not to his wife, that would be a reversal of the divine order, we know that, but to God. That's directly in line with God's will in God's Word.

# 10, and for these last three I'm going to invite you to flip over to I Peter, we'll move over to I Peter for the next ones. We'll look at I Peter 3 and we're going to see #10 that husbands are to love their wives with understanding. That's our tenth point. I Peter 3:7, “You husbands, in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way.” So, the biblically faithful man, the one who seeks to love his wife faithfully, Colossians 3:19, he sees his wife, his helpmate as the one that God has given to him as his greatest earthly treasure, as his greatest subject of study. He looks at her and he interacts with her, and he leads her, and he loves her and he learns her. There is a distinction between learning about her—what's her birthday, what's her middle name, what's her favorite childhood memory, what's her favorite flavor of ice cream, what's her favorite color, those sorts of things—and learning her—her fears, her concerns, her worries, her anxieties, her greatest sources of joy. As he learns her, as he lives with her in this understanding way, he does so that he can love and lead this uniquely designed image bearer in a way that not only pleases her but ultimately pleases the very God who put them together.

# 11, husbands are to love their wives as wives, we're still in I Peter 3:7, look at the middle of the verse. After saying, “Live with your wives in an understanding way, it says, “as with someone weaker since she is a woman.” You didn't marry one of your bros, guys. You married your wife, and she is equal in personhood, and she is equal if she is a follower of Christ in terms of her status before God in Christ. But at the same time, she is weaker, she is a weaker vessel. Not a popular thing to say these days as women's flag football leagues are taking off and women are bashing each other's heads in on UFC on Saturday nights. But it's true, she is weaker. And if you don't like how that is phrased or how I've articulated it, it really doesn't matter because that's what it says in the Word, and you'll have to take it up with Him. But I Peter 3 calls her weaker. Now the feminists I spoke of last week would hate what I am about to say, and I love that what I‘m going to say what I'm going to say after qualifying it that way, but wives are in need of protection and wives are in need of provision and wives are in need of strength from their husbands. Husbands are not to be sending their wives to the front lines of war or to fight off a home invader or to make it the regular practice of having her go downstairs to haul in firewood for the winter. Sure, can there be delegation as a matter of decision making between the husband and wife to delegate certain things to the wife? Absolutely. But the main idea is it falls upon the husband to protect and to provide for his wife, the weaker vessel.

And # 12, husbands are to love their wives by honoring them. Look at the end of I Peter 3:7, it says, “and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.” Now the honor that is being described there is not solely about chivalry, you know opening the car door for her, filling her gas tank on a cold day. I wanted to say like lay the jacket in the puddle, so her shoes don't get wet. I've never actually seen that other than in the movies, but you know lay the jacket in the puddle, so her shoes don't get wet. Those are nice things to do, all of them, but that's not what is being described here. Rather the honor that's being described is tied to recognizing as we see here that she like you if she is a follower of Christ is a fellow heir of the grace of life. She is not just your wife; she is your sister in Christ. She like you is one whom God chose before the foundation of the world, and she like you is one whom Christ came to save, and she like you is one day going to be worshiping Him, worshiping Christ around the throne. She is an heir, an heir who is due honor from you, her husband as an expression of your love for her but again chiefly your love for the Lord. Then note, of course, that warning language at the end of verse 7, husbands are to honor their wives in this way, it says, “so that your prayers will not be hindered.” I mean, what an absolute gut punch of a thought to think that when we as husbands act out of line, specifically when we disobey God's Word in this way by not honoring our wives in our seasons of pouting, our seasons of feeling bad about ourselves, in our seasons when we are tempted to blame shift to our wives, when we refuse to honor a fellow heir of the grace of life, our prayers end up going nowhere. Sure, God hears those prayers, God hears everything, God sees everything, He is the all wise, all knowing, omnipotent God of all. But He ignores them. It hit the ceiling. What a jarring reality and an important reminder for every husband here who calls God His Father and Jesus Christ his Savior of the importance of loving our wives by honoring them as fellow heirs of the grace of life.

Now as we head over back to Colossians, back to where we started, we might be tempted to think that verse 18, what we covered last week where it says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord,” we might think or be tempted to think that that's really the verse that people in the church are going to have the greatest problem with. But in reality what we've just worked through so far here in Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives,” it's just as much ignored, even among Bible believing Christians. May that not be so with the men in our church, the husbands in our church. Instead, may we as men of God, men who love the Lord and love His Word, echo not only with our words but with our lives the words of Proverbs 18:22, which says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Or Proverbs 19:14 which says, “House and wealth are inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Of course, Proverbs 31:1-2 says, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels, the heart of her husband trusts in her.” and not only does he trust in her, as we see back here in Colossians 3:19, he loves her.

We've seen The Perspective, the historical backdrop to this text. We've seen The Prescription, the positive command—husbands, love your wives. For our last one we're going to look at The Prohibition. That's our third point if you are a note taker, The Prohibition. Look at the second half of verse 19 where it says, “and do not be embittered against them.” Now some English translations render that do not be harsh with them. What we have here in the NAS is the right translation—do not be embittered against them. The idea here, we know that because this is a passive verb, it's a passive verb where the actor, here the husband, is not causing the action, he is not doing the action, rather the action is coming to him. It's happening to him. So, what is being described here is not so much harshness that is being demonstrated outwardly by the husband as opposed to bitterness that is being meditated upon, dwelt upon, chewed on by the husband inwardly. The idea here is that of angry resentment harbored by a husband toward his wife. Perhaps it is directed toward a wife who has not lived up to his unrealistic ideals. Maybe it's the wife who has disappointed her husband's hopes or ambitions. Maybe it's the wife who hasn't catered to his unique brand of self-centeredness. The word embittered, though, pictures a husband who is sulking, grumbling, fuming sometimes with the cold shoulder, sometimes with the silent treatment, sometimes with the icy glare, sometimes all three. It's the type of attitude which will eventually lead an embittered husband to become a harsh unbending dictator. It's the kind of attitude which will lead an embittered husband to become a tyrannical overlord. It's the kind of attitude that can lead the husband just to simply check out and not care anymore. Paul here says to husbands of their wives, don't do it, “Do not be embittered against them.” He has just come off saying at the beginning of verse 19, love your wives, and this type of love modeled after the love of Christ for the church, the love that sanctifies, the love that cleanses is also a love that won't harbor resentment. It's a love that won't grow embittered. Instead, it's a love that we saw even back in Colossians 3:13 a few weeks ago that bears with one another, forgives one another. Look at the end of verse 13 there, “whoever has a complaint against anyone,” that could apply to husbands and wives, “just as the Lord forgave you so also should you.” I love how A. T. Robertson who wrote perhaps the greatest, certainly the densest Greek grammar ever, summarized this passage. He said, “It is useless to call your wife Honey if you act like vinegar toward her.” Quite plain spoken and powerful and true. We'll just leave it at that. Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

Well, we started our time this morning with a tale of two husbands, John Wesley and Martin Luther, and we saw that stark and sad contrast between the two. As we close, I'm going to add a third husband to the mix, the one and only Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the prince of preachers, who we know was a gifted man, he was a famous man in his time, he was a busy man. But we also know he was a godly man whose heart was never far from his home. We have some of his letters as well to his wife, Susannah Spurgeon. Susie, he called her affectionately and he wrote her things like this. “Dear purchase of a Savior's blood. You are to me a Savior's gift and my heart is so full to overflowing with the thought of such continued goodness.” He then wrote to her, “What an immeasurable blessing you've been to me and are still. Your love to me is not only a product of nature, but it has been so sanctified by grace that it has become a spiritual blessing to me.” Here is another one, he said, “Happy woman and happy man. If heaven be found on earth, they have it.” He's talking about himself and his own wife. “At last, the two are so blended, so engrafted on one stem that their old age presents a lovely attachment, a common sympathy by which its infirmities are greatly alleviated, and its burdens are transformed into fresh bonds of love.” This is all one sentence. “So happy a union of will, sentiment, thought and heart exist between them that the two streams of their life have washed away the dividing bank and run on as one broad current of united existence until their common joy falls into the ocean of eternal felicity.” Men, Valentine's Day is coming up, in fact it's three days away at last count. Valentine's Day has set many a man back, right? Through chocolates and teddy bears and of course cards, including cards in which many men have attempted to sound like the modern-day Spurgeon. Husbands, what you put in a Valentine's Day card, if you do a Valentine's Day card, that's completely up to you, your wife, your home. What we've seen today and what I hope you are hearing as the takeaway is that you don't need to write like Spurgeon, you don't need to write like Luther, certainly don't want to write like Wesley. It takes more than words to be a biblical man, takes more than words to be a biblical husband, takes more than words to lead a biblically minded marriage. Any man, any husband, any pagan man can mouth the words “I love you” to his wife. Any pagan can scrawl the words “I love you” in a Hallmark card. The call to Christian husbands, though, is so much higher. It's more than uttering a few words, it's to live them out, to love your wives, Colossians 3:19, and to not be embittered against them. What an assignment the Lord has given each man, each husband here this morning. I pray we would each wholeheartedly embrace our assignment and in doing so honor the Lord and His Word.

Let's pray. God, thank You for the clarity, the conviction, the depth of Your Word, that we can look at a verse like this and many of us have heard it before, we've studied it before, we certainly have attempted to live it out before, but it is so good to come back to these truths, these eternal truths, and be reminded of Your holy and timeless standard for husbands, that we love our wives, that we not be embittered against them, that we love them as Christ loves the church, that we live with them in an understanding way, that we treat them as fellow heirs of the grace of life. And I pray that the men of our church, whether they are young men who seek to be married or men who are married, that this would be the heart of the men here, that we wouldn't look to pass the buck or make excuses, that we wouldn't follow the traps that the world sets for weak men but rather we would seek to honor You, God, in our marriages as we seek to love our wives faithfully as You call us to do. We pray this in Jesus' name, amen.