A Husband’s Relationship to His Wife

Transcript

GR 991
11/23/1997
“A Husband’s Relationship to His Wife”
Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25-33
Gil Rugh

We come to a portion of the Word in our study of Colossians that doesn’t need much comment, so we’re going to skip over it quickly today. Colossians chapter 3, verse l9 says, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them”. This does not get as much attention or create as much controversy as the instruction to wives causes. Who wants to say, well, husbands shouldn’t love their wives? But there is a great deal of controversy over “wives be submissive to your husbands.” But in reality, this command of God, “Husbands love your wives,” is just as much rejected as the commandment to wives, just as much ignored, even among us who claim to be Bible-believing Christians. I fear that it’s a command that we sometimes pass over rather lightly, give our assent to, but don’t really allow our lives to be shaped by it.

Remember in Colossians chapter 3, Paul has been talking about our conduct and behavior as God’s people, the manifesting of God’s character in our lives. And after talking about those things which are to characterize all of us as God’s people, with verse l8 he begins to zero in on specific groups or individuals--how our wives are to manifest the character of God in their relationship to their husbands, how our husbands are to manifest God’s character in their relationship to their wives, children, fathers, slaves, and masters. So specific groups are addressed, and we want to keep before us that what he is exhorting is the manifestation of God’s character and God’s will in our lives as His people. Verse l6 says, “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you”. The word of Christ richly dwelling within you means that it saturates and permeates my life, controls me in all that I do and all that I think. It’s equivalent to the command to be filled with the spirit in Ephesians chapter 5 and verse l8. God is controlling my life. His will and His Word shape me in all that I do. And for the wife, that means she will function submissively to her husband if she is a godly woman, and for the husband that means he will love his wife, “Husbands love your wives.” He gives the command here. In fact, He gives two commands. We get the positive and the negative side of it. He gives the command, “Husbands, love your wives,” and the second command, “and do not be embittered against them.” Now, in Greek there are three basic words that we usually associate with love. The word eros. I’ll give you the English form of these where we get words like erotic and so on. It was a sensual love, a love that was self-focused, a love that has my pleasure and enjoyment in view. That particular word is not used in the New Testament for love, but it was a Greek word that was used for that kind of love.

There is the phileo love which we are familiar with in our English words, like all those that have philo on the front, philosophy and so on, the lover of wisdom. That was a family love. Phileo love was not an inferior love, but it was a love that was reciprocal, and it’s used in the Bible of Christ and so on. It is a love we are to have among ourselves as God’s people as well as in our physical families. There is a give and take in this love. I manifest this love to you, and you manifest love to me. That’s why we call it a family kind of love, and there is a give and take in it. Then there is agape love or agapao love, which is totally other-centered. It is doing what is best and good for the other person. So you start out with the eros love, which was self centered; you have the phileo love, which is somewhat mutual; and then you have the agape love, which is totally other-centered. The command here is the agape or agapao love. “Husbands, love your wives,” talking about that self-sacrificing, self-giving kind of love. We’ll look more of that particularly when we go to Ephesians.

The negative side of that is the command, “do not be embittered against them.” And these commands are in the present tense, to be the ongoing characteristic of my life as a husband, that I am loving my wife, and I am not bitter toward her. The word embittered is the idea here of harshness, it’s the opposite of being kind, being tenderhearted. Ephesians chapter 4, verses 30 and 3l, use a form of this word translated embittered. There it says do not be bitter, but be kind, tenderhearted. So the opposite of the harshness, the bitterness, of this word is kindness, tenderhearted. Here it's the opposite of love. If you love your wife you will be doing what is best and good for her. You will be thoughtful toward her. You will not be harsh. You will not be unkind in your relationship to her. Now, when we talked about the role of the wives, we said you have to start in the book of Genesis. And I want to go back there again, even though it’s review, to the opening chapters of Genesis. Turn back to Genesis chapter 2. When you turn there, I mentioned last week that we go to find out what the creator says about us. He made us. He tells us how He made us, what He made us for, and how we are to function. Isaiah chapter 45, verse 9 says, “Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker”. And, we want to be sure in these areas of our roles, that we are not quarreling with God. You might read Isaiah 45. It’s good on the position of God as the Sovereign. In Genesis chapter 2, you have the record of the creation of man and woman. Verse 7 speaks of the forming of Adam from the dust of the ground. “Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.” And He put the man in the garden to cultivate the garden. Even before the fall it was God’s intention that man be busy, that he be occupied, even though there would not be the toil and pain and suffering associated with his work. Nonetheless, he would not be idol.

“Then,” in verse l8, “the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.'” Now here, the God who makes all things well--He created Adam as he should be. There is no sin yet present, but God’s work with Adam is not yet done, for God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone”. Now here’s Adam, perfectly created. He could enjoy fellowship with God as he would walk with Him in the cool of the evening in the garden. But God says “it’s not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” And just a note, God’s intention is marriage. Now, we could read I Corinthians 7, although we don’t have time to do that now, but I want to acknowledge that God does make special provision for the single life for some people. That is a blessing and a special gift from God. But we ought to understand God’s general plan and rule is marriage. It’s not good for man to be alone, and we men need to understand this, and we need to understand it in the context of Scripture. I don’t want to go on a rabbit trail, this is just a side observation. But the man’s role is leader and initiator. He is to be taking the initiative toward marriage. We as parents need to understand this as well. We are perhaps the greatest offenders. We have all these logically thought-out reasons that marriage ought to be delayed, and you know, you ought to wait to get married until after you get your education and after you get your career started, and then you get married. “Woe to him who quarrels with his maker” and we get all kind of problems. I Corinthians 7 says every man ought to have his own wife to avoid immorality. The world pushes marriage later, makes marriage optional, and the result is immorality pervades. We need to be careful as a church and we as parents get turned around. Well, if you get married at 20, will you ever get your college degree, will you ever get this job and that. If you don’t get married at 20, will you have a problem with immorality? Better to be a moral person and have a job that’s not as good than to be an immoral person who’s making lots of money. I’m not saying those are the only choices, but I’m saying we need to come back. God’s plan is right. “It’s not good for man to be alone; I’ll make a helper suitable for him.”

So, the woman is to be made for the man as a complement to the man, to complete the man, if you will. In his single state, even as an unfallen being in fellowship with God, it was not good for him to be alone. “So God took a rib from the side of man and fashioned it into a woman,” verses 2l and 22. Then He brought her to the man and the first marriage occurs. “And the man said, 'this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh'.” It was not something different from him, it was taken out of him. “'She shall be called woman because she was taken out of Man.' For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The sexual relationship of oneness is an expression of the oneness that God has brought about when they are joined in marriage. And this marriage of a man with his wife supersedes all other physical relationships. It is the dominant relationship. A man leaves his parents, but he cleaves to his wife. His relationship with his parents, in that sense, is temporary. I mean, they’re not always my parents, but my responsibility and obligation transfers from them primarily to my wife. She becomes the number one person in my life, the focus of my life, and she does until one of us die. That’s the scriptural foundation for marriage that will be referred to or alluded to in several passages when we come to the New Testament.

Turn to the book of Proverbs. Proverbs chapter l8. These are verses we referred to in our previous study, but I want to fix them in your mind in the context of our role as husbands. Verse 22 of Proverbs l8. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” So, a wife is God’s blessing and God’s gift. It is an indication of God’s favor toward the man. Down in chapter l9, verse l4, “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” We appreciate the role and position of our wives because we see it in the context that this has been God’s gracious gift to me, to be my complement, to be my completer, if you will. God has shown me favor in providing a prudent wife.

Turn over to Proverbs 3l. We looked at this passage in the context of the study of the role of the wife. Look at verse l0 of Proverbs 3l. “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” And in this we saw the role of a wife, but here we see her value and importance to the husband. Her worth is far above jewels. The husband’s most important thing that you have is not your job, not your possessions. It’s your wife. Her worth is in a category all its own. Now we quickly give assent to that, but we far less readily live it out in our daily walk. Down in verse 28, this godly wife, “Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying, 'many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.’ “A godly man will recognize the overwhelming value of the wife God has given him, and he is free in his praise of her. Keep this in mind in the background. We talk about the husband loving his wife. When you see that she is given the focal point of his life, the priority of his life, his commitment is to her. His interest and concern is her. He sees her value. He appreciates her as from the Lord, and he praises her. How often the characteristic of a husband’s attitude and conversation about his wife is the complaint not the praise. Far too often it’s not even limited to expressing something to his wife, but it’s what he tells his friends and those he is with as he belittles her or detracts from her rather than praising her. The man has a serious spiritual problem. He is evidencing the fact that the problem in the relationship is his lack of godliness, not that his wife is not functioning properly necessarily.

Remember in the roles we are talking about, come over to the New Testament to Ephesians. We talk about the work of God in our lives, first in redeeming us and now His work of ongoing transformation. The wife’s role is her role; she manifests her godliness in submissiveness to God by being submissive to her husband. She evidences that the word of Christ richly dwells within her, that the spirit is controlling her as she is submissive to her husband. Had nothing to do with what he’s like or what he does. Well, the same is true now for the husband. The husband manifests his godliness, that the word of Christ is richly dwelling within him, that the spirit of God controls him, by how he treats his wife. The evidence of my godly character is not, is my wife submissive to me? That’s an evidence of her godly character. The evidence of my godly character is, do I manifest the love of Christ to her, true biblical love?

In Ephesians chapter 5, the command dominating this section is verse l8, the last statement, Ephesians 5:l8: “Be filled with the spirit”. That’s basically the same thing in Colossians 3:l6, “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you”, and this filling or controlling of the spirit manifests itself in the relationship of the husband and the wife; the wife carrying out her role and the husband carrying out his role. Note verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives”.
There’s our instruction again, just as we had in Colossians. “Husbands love your wives.”

You know our responsibility as husbands is simple, love your wife, husbands love your wives. But there is elaboration on it here that we don’t have in Colossians. Colossians elaborates briefly, “do not be embittered against them.” Don’t be harsh towards them. But here, there is a more elaborate explanation in comparison with Christ and the church. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church.” So in the analogy he draws in this section of Ephesians, the church represents the wife, the husband represents Christ. The wife is submissive to the husband as the church is to Christ. The husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church.
What do you mean “as Christ loved the church”? He gave himself up for her. He sacrificed Himself totally and completely for her good. So I am to have the same kind of self-sacrificing love for my wife, that I will give everything that I have and that I am for her. Oh yes, I would die for her. I wouldn’t just treat her very well through the week. Well, come on, something is wrong. He is talking about the way we live. “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,” that He might do these things for her, sanctify her, having cleansed her to present her to Himself as a church that has been perfected. It was all done for me, not for Him. I was the one that had such need. He gave Himself for me as a member of His church.

So, verse 28, “husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.” We note that wives are to be submissive to their husbands, husbands are to love their own wives, self-sacrificing, giving, doing whatever is necessary, whatever is good, whatever is pleasing to their own wife. Oh, when it’s easy, I was going to say, “well, if my wife was like this or if my wife was like so and so.” Well, that’s not your wife. The manifestation of godliness is not, could you love someone else’s wife if she was your wife, or could you love your wife if she was different? The evidence of godliness is that you love your own wife.

It’s not so complicated. Love your own wife as your own body. “He who loves his own wife loves himself.” Remember, this goes back to the foundation of Genesis 2. Where did the woman come from? She came out of the man. We’re joined in marriage. What are we? We are one flesh. Now you love your wife as you love yourself, and we’ve got the whole mess today that we won’t get carried away with. That first you have to learn to love yourself. Could the Scripture be any clearer than what it says here? Verse 29, “No one ever hated his own flesh”. So, the world is trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist, because really what they want to do is provide the opportunity to focus on me. I’m going to love Marilyn more in the future, but right now I’m just trying to learn to love myself more, because when I get done learning to love myself, I know that I’ll be able to love her more. Now I may be dead and gone, but that’s all right. No, I already love myself. The first things I do when I get up in the morning is look in the mirror, and I take care of my body, and if I get a pain, I tell Marilyn so she can give me sympathy. I love me. I always have.

You know, I’m reminded now that I have grandchildren, it starts the moment they’re born, self-centered. You take a baby to the restaurant. It gets hungry, it cries. Don’t cry, that’s selfish. We’re all enjoying a meal, and you are disturbing people in the restaurant. They don’t care. You didn’t have to teach them that, did you? Just comes naturally. Everybody ought to stop what they’re doing and take care of me. And you know, that problem continues to plague us throughout our life, doesn’t it? I come home from work, what do I expect? My wife ought to drop everything and take care of me, besides it’s in her role. I forget what my role is. My role is to hurry home so that I can love her, not erotic now, agape. Go home, what? So I can please her, that I can help her, that I can bring joy to her, that I can take the pressure of the day off of her. It’s hard for me to get my thinking turned around. I’m still the way I was when I came out of the womb, self-centered. “No one ever hated his own flesh.” So what he’s saying is, it’s just the way you take care of yourself, just the attention you give to your body.

You get a splinter in your finger, and what? You want to get it out because it causes you pain, discomfort. We take care of our bodies. We’re not saying that’s wrong. It’s not using it in the negative sense here, but there is a good sense about it that we recognize. It’s a natural thing. It ought to be just as natural that a husband take care of his wife. In fact, in the godly relationship, it is the only thing that can happen. I must love my wife and care for her, nourish and cherish her, like you do yourself. The care and concern, these things would be the opposite of being harsh or bitter towards her. You nourish and cherish her. She is the focus of my attention, the object of my care, my affection, my love. This is what Christ does for the church. You know, it’s an awfully high standard that I love my wife like Christ loved the church and His ongoing love for the church. He continues to do this, nourish and cherish the church, “because,” verse 30, “we are members of His body.”

You know, this idea, well 50-50, or I’m willing to do more than my share. As a husband I have to realize it’s all my share. Isn’t that true in the relationship with Christ? He did everything. So in the marriage relationship, my concern is not what will my wife do? My concern as a godly man is, what can I do for her? I have to be totally absorbed with it’s all my responsibility. Oh, you can’t make a marriage go if you don’t both work on it. It's not my responsibility to worry about her working on it here. Just as Christ nourishes and cherishes the church, my responsibility is to nourish and cherish her, that total, complete, self-sacrificing, self-giving, other-centered. So what she does or doesn’t do, doesn’t have any impact here. We’re talking about the agapao love, that’s other-centered. What if you get nothing out of this? Well, that’s not why you are doing it. You are doing it for her good, for her benefit. This is supernatural love. This is the first in the fruit of the spirit, you remember, in Galatians chapter 5, “the fruit of the spirit is love.” So you manifest the control or filling of the spirit in your life when you function like this.

So, a man comes and says, our marriage is in trouble. I don’t think I any longer love my wife. You know what he’s really saying? I am in rebellion against God, and I am not open to having God accomplish His will in my life. You say, No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying I don’t think I love her. Well, what you’re really saying is, I am not willing to have God have His way in my life, I refuse to allow His spirit to control me and produce His character in me. So, the problem, you see, is not the wife. The problem is the spiritually decayed condition of the husband. But wait, you say, you don’t know how some wives can be. Do you know what you were like when Christ loved you, how wretched and vile and putrid? I mean, it gets pretty graphic when Isaiah says, all our righteousness’s were like filthy, menstrual rags. It gets pretty ugly.

But Christ loved us, gave Himself for us. I mean, our theology is really warped as men, when we think, well, you know, there’s a limit to the love I can show with what she does or doesn’t do. I’m going to love her as Christ loved the church, but I’m going to put limits on it. I have a spiritual problem here. I really don’t understand what God says my role is. Yes, but what about her? My concern is to be having the character of God produced in and through me. My desire is that He will work in her life for her good, but the only one I can deal with is me, am I manifesting His love in my relationship to her?

Look at verse 3l, quoting from Genesis 2. We go back and find out what the Creator has done? The sovereign God who has created us, what is his intention? “For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.” No man ever hated his own flesh. Your wife is your own flesh, therefore, you love your wife like you love yourself. There is an inseparable bond here that God has brought about. I mean something would be, you know, perversely wrong if you sat there and watched a guy take out a butcher knife and cut off his finger. There, zap, cut off his ear too. You say, he’s gone mad, he’s an idiot, save him from himself! You don’t treat your own body that way. I think I’ll pull out my fingernails when I get home today, haven’t had any fun lately. I mean, you say it’s gross.

But my wife is my own flesh, my own body. We think nothing of treating her indifferently, of being unkind to her, causing her pain, being indifferent to how she thinks or what she’s feeling, but we don’t see that as irrational. You don’t say, Put the guy in a straight jacket. He doesn’t treat his wife properly. Well, maybe he doesn’t love her. What do you mean? Now the world, that’s where they are. You know, they don’t see the agape love produced within them because they don’t have the spirit of God producing the character of God. In fact, it’s all degenerated to erotic love and it becomes, what, proverbial. That the man gets married and his wife helps him and enables him to accomplish things, then when he gets to where he wants to be he drops her for someone he has different feelings about. And it becomes proverbial for the rich and wealthy men just to have a string of women, because they are just functioning in the realm of the erotic, self pleasure, self desires. But for us who are in Christ, there are feelings, there are emotions, there are pleasures we enjoy, but with a depth that cannot be outside of what God produces in the life.

God’s intention is marriage and Jesus put this in Matthew, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder”. When we are brought together in marriage, that’s an act of God. He has bound us together. We are one flesh. Well, I wonder if I made a mistake. You know, I started dating Marilyn when I was only l6. I didn’t have good sense. I didn’t know what I was looking for in a wife. I mean, she just lucked out. No. You know, I look back, I say, I could have made a terrible mistake, and I look back and say, read the verses in Proverbs and he who finds a good wife, that’s favor from the Lord. It’s a gift from God. Thank you, God, for being so gracious.

You know, if I come back and orient my thinking as a man to God’s Word and let His Word richly dwell within me, I find this is my wife. I’m not going to stand back and think, well you know, things aren’t working out, but, no she’s my wife. I’m to love her. You know, just as a woman who is living with a difficult man, as many are, manifest her godliness in functioning how God would have her function under difficulty and pressure, so true for a man. Maybe you haven’t married the perfect woman, and why would she have married you. She has her imperfections; she has her shortcomings. Maybe she is awful, but it’s the opportunity for you to manifest the beauty of God’s character in your treatment of her, in the love you show to her, as Christ loved us in our vileness. It isn’t conditioned by what kind of wife you have. It’s conditioned by your relationship to God.

So, the conclusion, verse 33, “Let each individual among you also love his own wife, even as himself”. I’m greatly encouraged with the commands to love your wife, because that moves them out of the realm of the feelings. Feelings come and go, emotions come and go. Sometimes your feelings for your wife are stronger, sometimes they’re weaker, but have no impact on my loving her. Am I doing what is best for her? Am I showing her the kindness and thoughtfulness that is due her? The fact that Christ commanded it. Often people say, I can’t help it, I don’t love her any more. As a Christian, you can help it. Allow the Spirit of God to do in your heart what you cannot do in your heart, produce God’s character. So, it’s an encouragement that God instructs us and commands us to love our wives. That means it can be done, it must be done. I don’t have to wonder, well, boy, I don’t know that I can do this. Well, I can if I’m willing to allow God to do His work in my life.

Turn over to I Peter, chapter 3. The first seven verses talk about the relationship of wives and husbands. The first six focus really on the wives, because coming over from Chapter 2, he’s been dealing primarily with those who are in positions of submissiveness, slaves to masters, people to government. Pick up with verse 7 for husbands, “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way”. So I have a responsibility now as a husband to know something. I’m to know about my wife. Literally, it says live with your wives according to knowledge. I am to have a biblical understanding of my wife, of my responsibility to her, and I am to live according to that knowledge. First he says, I understand she is a weaker vessel, since she is a woman. Sounds like a put down, doesn’t it, the way it’s taken in our society today. You live with your wife in an understanding way because she’s a weaker vessel, she’s a woman. Who says that we have come to such a perverted position today in our rejection of God, that we are in the ridiculous? We don’t think that a man and a woman can be equal unless they are the same and, oh, we are so excited, it makes the sports page, a woman is playing football. See, she can do what a man does. In recent months there have been articles in the news over women in the military and the conflict that’s there, because they’ve lowered the standard for the women physically. She doesn’t have to do as many push-ups, as many pull-ups, run as far.

But, oh, don’t say she is the weaker vessel. We have the ladies’ tennis circuit and the men’s tennis circuit. I remember a few years ago a lady who is not by any stretch of the imagination a Christian, the head of the women’s tennis circuit, winning more than anyone, said, you know, I wouldn’t be in the top numbers on the men’s tennis circuit. There’s a difference. I’ve taken up golf again and the ladies and I hit from a different set of tees than the men. Certain times you just swallow your pride and do it. I'd just as soon hit my first shot from the ladies tee as my second shot. There is a difference, but the world cannot acknowledge that because as soon as you say there’s a difference, they say there is lack of equality. They cannot appreciate the difference. But, you know, we appreciate it in other areas. That’s not saying she is inferior. But, if you reject the fact that there is a sovereign God who created us with purpose, then you are adrift. You know, in our home, we have things that are weaker, things that are stronger, has nothing to do with their value. Somebody gives you a Rembrandt painting, might auction for l2 million dollars, and your kids are going to grab the sled to go sledding, you say, oh here, use my painting. That would be stupid. Why? Is that painting weaker than the sled, oh yes. Is it less valuable than the sled, no stupid? Well, then what’s the problem? Well, we get into the obvious, but we’re afraid that God will be recognized, we become the ridiculous.

The woman is the weaker vessel. There are things in our home when the grandkids come over they can play with. They’re not the more valuable things. They’re the things less destructible. We have certain things we have moved to higher shelves. Why? They are more valuable and less durable. What we’re saying here is the wife is the weaker vessel. Now the husband is the one who needs to understand this, to dwell with her in an understanding and a knowledgeable way. You have to know your wife as a weaker vessel. She’s a woman. She was created out of your side. She was created to be a complement to you. She was created to be under your protection. You are to know she is a weaker vessel. She is in a position of submission to you, you must see that she is protected.

Some men don’t have the good sense they were born with. If I truly love her, I will dwell with her in an understanding, knowledgeable way. I will love her, understanding she’s a weaker vessel, that she needs to be protected from some things. Any dumb hunk of muscle can go out and work a job in the world and beat his head against the wall. I have to protect my wife from certain things. Men and women are made differently. I appreciate that. I dwell according to knowledge. God made her to be a mother, to nurture, to care. She brings an element to our relationship as man and wife that balances us. She’s too valuable just to put out there and do certain things that the man is called to do. But, I become indifferent to that. Well, she can help make a living, she can do this, she can do that. All of a sudden, I’m not able to protect her. I lose sight she’s the weaker vessel. I put her under pressure in situations that God didn’t create her to handle. And, you know who’s responsible here? The man is responsible. How do I treat her? I treat her with the care and tenderness that is due one who is the weaker vessel. She is a woman. “Grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

You note the equality here. She’s the weaker vessel, she’s a woman. I recognize the value she has, the uniqueness she has. She’s not one of the guys. But, I grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. I understand God’s work in her life and she’s a fellow heir. There is no inferiority here. There is difference, but she is my spiritual equal. And you note, if you don’t dwell with your wife according to knowledge, your prayers are hindered. It’s a spiritual problem. So we have come full cycle, haven’t we? It’s a spiritual problem. If I don’t treat my wife as God says I must, if I don’t demonstrate Christ’s love toward her, the same kind of love Christ had for me in giving myself, sacrificing myself for her, if I don’t dwell with her according to knowledge, recognizing she’s the weaker vessel as a woman, sacrificing myself for her to protect her, keep her, then my prayers are hindered. I’ve got a spiritual problem with the Lord. So, you see, this is a spiritual issue here. It doesn’t have anything to do with what kind of wife I have, whether she is being godly or not. My relationship to the Lord is detrimentally affected if I’m not treating my wife properly.

In far too many cases, husbands sit here in this auditorium, hear a sermon like this and go home, and through the week they’ll treat their wife in any way but what the Bible says. We need to back up and ask, Am I a believer? Why at this core area of my life is the character of God not being produced, not being manifested? I’m a hypocrite, I’m a deceiver. Sunday morning, I treat her nice, I sit close to her, I put my arm around her. We’re hardly home and I get in the door, slam my Bible down and holler at her about something. There’s something wrong here, isn’t there? I mean, the kids look and say wow, dad just treats mom like there’s no one in the world like her, like she’s the most precious woman. I think dad loves mom better than he loves us. Yep, he does, and you little urchins are going to move out on me some day, I hope, and mom and I are going to be here. Both of my delightful little progeny have moved off and married their own mates. I still have Marilyn; she still has me. Wonderful! I realize she’s my wife. There’s a uniqueness in this relationship. I hope the kids grow up saying, yep, mom is number one in dad’s life, he loves her more than anyone, and he loves us, but he loves her even more, and he always is thinking, what would she want.

Now, we men are great for having our own worlds and doing our own thing, so we have to stop and wonder what my wife would really like. I wonder if she might enjoy something more than four hours of football on Saturday afternoons. I wonder if she might like it better if I wasn’t out golfing today, if we had done something together, or if I was . . .. well, you know, I’ve got a hard job, I need to relax. Who better to relax with than your wife, to build your life around? Now, you have to adjust to your wife, your wife to you, I appreciate that. I’m saying we as men have to have the number one priority of our lives our wife, thinking of her, building my life around her, thinking what is best and good for her, what would she enjoy, what would she like, who would help her today? I want to take the pressure off her today. How can I protect her from the pressures that would not be good for her? It’s my role as a husband to love her.

We’ll close by reading I Corinthians l3. I’m looking to see if Marilyn is here. I told them in my first hour to tell her they needed her this hour in the nursery. I Corinthians l3, the description of love. As a husband, am I really loving my wife? Well, here, is this what my conduct and attitude toward her is? Verse 4, I Corinthians 13, “Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own...” That’s what we’re talking about. It’s not self-centered, self-focused, “love is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered.” You know, when you’re in love, your wife doesn’t get on your nerves. Well, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Oh, what you’re really saying is, I was just not willing to let God work in my life any longer. When I put it that way, it’s not what I want to say. I like to shift the blame to my wife. But the love He produces is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered. You know, as a man, you would say, you know what she did? No, I don’t know what she did, but I know that you’re not showing God’s love. How do you know? I’m not a prophet. Besides, I read I Corinthians l3:5, “Love does not take into account wrong suffering, love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; love bears all things, love believes all things, love hopes all things, love endures all things, love never fails.”

A great reminder, a great encouragement, will I love my wife as much in ten years as I do today? I expect I will love her more. If the character of Christ is growing and maturing and developing in me, the love that He produces never fails. You know you say, I don’t know if I love my wife the way I did, I need to get before the Lord. Lord, something is wrong in my relationship with you and it’s being reflected in the relationship with my wife, because your love never fails? I think, oh, if I could just get her to change, if she would just make some alterations, if she would just do this, if there would just be these changes. Wait a minute, the real problem has developed in my relationship with the Lord. Lord, your love never fails, something is wrong in my relationship with you. I’m not walking with you, I’m not allowing your word to richly dwell within me, I’ve resisted and grieved the Spirit, not allowing Him to fill and control me. So, as a husband, I have a good indicator when my spiritual life is adrift, when there are things that are not as they ought to be in my walk with the Lord. I’m not treating my wife the way I should, the way God says I must. Am I perfect in it yet? No, but I better be growing. I better not be a hearer of the Word and not a doer. That’s the characteristic of an unbeliever. Men have built up so many excuses that it becomes an acceptable pattern.

Is your wife treated like Christ treats the church? Would your kids give testimony to that today? You get home, you say I’m going to tell those kids, if anybody at Indian Hills asks you, you tell them, yea, dad really loves mom. Is that just the environment in which they live? Do they see it? Is there really any difference in the treatment of my wife in public than in private? Am I really walking with the Lord as a godly husband and allowing Him to produce the beauty of His character in me, in that which is the most important and permanent of human relationships? Let’s pray together.

Thank you, Lord, for your grace. Thank you for your work in our lives as men. Lord, no matter how much we may have grown, how much we’ve seem to think we have accomplished, Lord, when we measure ourselves against the standard of the love that Christ showed to the church, that He continues to show, Lord, our love seems small, seems imperfect. Yet, Lord, we are encouraged with the instruction and command that we husbands are to love our wives. Lord, to be reminded that it’s our privilege as well as our responsibility, to let your word dwell richly within us, to be controlled by your Spirit, and that we might pour forth the wonder, the beauty, the permanence of the love of Christ that was demonstrated toward us in our relationship to our wives. Thank you, Lord, for your grace, thank you for providing wives of your choice for us. We give you the praise, in Christ’s name. Amen