Biblical Discipline in the Home

Transcript

GR 798
10/16/1988
Biblical Discipline in the Home
Selected Verses
Gil Rugh

We’ve been talking about children in the home, and particularly the matter of disciplining our children. We’ve seen that the Scripture is very clear on God’s pattern and plan for discipline in the home. The Old Testament, particularly the book of Proverbs, addresses the matter of discipline and focuses in on what we would call physical punishment, spanking. The idea of applying the rod or the switch to the child when disobedience demands that kind of discipline. Now the great difficulty we have today in addressing and dealing with a matter like physical punishment for children is that our world, particularly talking about in the United States, is greatly opposed to physical punishment and the ideas come that spanking is lumped together as a form of abuse. And if you want to talk about violence in the home, if you want to talk about child abuse, you must include spanking in that realm. And we as believers begin to be influenced by that kind of thinking. And as we hear it, we begin to think that this may be doing damage to that child. I may be warping my child’s perspective on life and perhaps I ought to be doing something differently. We need to come back to the Scripture, find out what the Creator of the home has to say about conduct in the home. And if I do what the Creator has instructed me to in the way that he has instructed me. Then I can be sure that that is the best possible thing that can be carried out for that child and his development to maturity.

Now the fact that we’re out of step with the world ought not to cause us great concern. This is another area where we as believers are called upon to live out the truth of Romans chapter 12 verses 1 and 2. “I beseech you therefore brethren by the mercies of God that you present your bodies a living sacrifice. King James has living sacrifice as the new American standard has it, a living and holy sacrifice. And that is something that is acceptable to God and this is our spiritual service of worship. So we first present ourselves to God as people. Then the next verse says “and do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed”. So the people who have presented themselves to God, their bodies to Him as their sacrifice of worship. We are not to allow ourselves to be conformed to the world’s standards and the world’s way of living. And that has direct impact on our homes. I do not want to be conformed to the world in the way that I raise my children. I do not want to be conformed to the world in the way that I discipline my children. I want to have a transformed life and I want to have a transformed home. That means it must be a home that is submitting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and lived in obedience to the word of God. Don’t be concerned, don’t be confused because the world is saying one thing and God is saying the other. God is always right. We get into difficulty when we try to think well maybe there is something here that the Biblical writers didn’t understand. That’s never the case because the Creator is the author of Scripture.

One verse, turn in Proverbs to chapter 13. A verse that we have already looked at in our study but it’s a good summary reminder for necessary discipline. I would encourage you to contemplate disciplining your home with the discipline of your children, you make it a regular pattern to go back and review the verses that we have already considered together that address the matter of disciplining our homes. You’ll need that reminder. And I think back on a particular time in our own home where I had to go apart with the word of God before the Lord and evaluate how I was handling the discipline needs in our home. And I had to make some adjustments because I worked through the Scripture and found God’s emphasis. I had to say, “Lord I believe I have become lacks in doing what you said is required, and I must do what You say is necessary and allow You to accomplish Your purpose”. Proverbs 13:24- “He who spares his rod, hates his son but he who loves him disciplines him diligently”. Biblical discipline is a demonstration of love. And if I really love my children I will discipline them. I don’t discipline them because I find that my desire or my pleasure. I discipline them because God says it’s necessary for them and when I love them I want to do what is best for them regardless of the personal inconvenience, regardless of the personal cost.

Now when we as parents fail to discipline as God has instructed, then we are in rebellion against the word of God. We are being disobedient to the word of God. This only makes a bad situation worse. We already have the difficulty, our children are rebelling. How are we going to handle that? God says you must apply the rod. I refuse to do that. Now I am disobedient. So the disobedience is spreading. My children are in rebellion against God’s commandment to be obedient to their parents. Now my children have a parent who is in disobedience to God by refusing to carry out the proper discipline. Is it any wonder that our homes begin to disintegrate? One area of disobedience to God leads to another area of disobedience to God and pretty soon we are no longer a people walking as God would have us walk. God holds me accountable for the discipline of my children.

Turn to 1 Samuel chapter 2. First Samuel and the second chapter. We don’t have time to set the historical setting here. If you are not familiar with it, I would encourage you to read these opening chapters of 1 Samuel at your earliest convenience. Samuel, the man after the book is named, is a special son given in an answer to prayer. He is going to be the successor to Eli as the spiritual leader in Israel. It will be Samuel who will anoint the first king under the direction of God under the nation of Israel. But Eli was in many ways a godly man, he was the spiritual leader. But note in 1 Samuel chapter 2 in verse 12. “Now the sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the Lord.” What a tragedy. Here is the man who is to be the outstanding spiritual leader in the nation Israel among the people of God and the testimony that God gives is his sons are worthless men. Sons of denial. Worthless godless men. They don’t know the Lord. We say well perhaps Eli had no control over them. Well we go on through the chapter and are told some of the misbehavior that characterized these sons, but come down to verse 29. Eli is confronted in verse 27 by a man of God who rebukes him. And in verse 29 he says to Eli, “Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and” (underline this phrase) “honor your sons above Me”. You honor your sons above Me. What a terrible thing to say. That Eli would put his sons above God. Why? He didn’t want to rebuke them and discipline them for the wrong that they were doing. And in effect he was honoring them above God. He was more concerned about what they thought about him than he was about what God thought about him. Look over in chapter 3 verse 13. God reveals to young Samuel what is going to happen to Eli and his family. Verse 13 of chapter 3. “For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them.” He did not carry out discipline. The sons are still responsible for their sin. They will be judged severely. In fact in chapter 4 in verse 11 both those sons will die on the same day under the judgement of God. They bear the consequences for that. But Eli bears the consequences of responsibility for failing to discipline them as God had instructed in His word. What a tragedy that Eli really loved those sons. Can you say that a father who wants the destruction of his children loves them? Those young men die under the judgement of God because Eli did not do what God told him to do now. Now they die under the judgement of God because they sinned. So both are true and each is held accountable. Eli will die at the news that his sons have died and the arc has been taken captive. Very serious matter this matter of discipline. God holds me accountable for the condition of my own. The ultimate responsibility of discipline will rest with the father. Eli is called to account here by God, not Eli’s wife, not the son’s mother. This does not mean that the mother never disciplines. Some have asked, “does the mother not spank?” Mother can spank as well as the father, mother can discipline as well as the father; but ultimate responsibility for discipline in the home rests with the father. I cannot shirk that. Now my wife may spank the children. I may encourage her to discipline the children when they need it, but I cannot change the fact that God will call me to account over whether it was done biblically or not. I must be very careful then as a man who is a father to be handling the discipline of my home in a biblical way.

God gives some instructions concerning this. Colossians chapter 3. Now when we talk about physical punishment, spankings, we conjure up in our minds what the world has done. We think of the obvious cases of abuse and child beatings and we begin to be repulsed by such a concept of an adult beating on a little child. Some of the Bible’s talking about spankings and disciplines, discipline even though there is pain and suffering involved, but there are some guidelines and instructions given. In Colossians chapter 3 in verse 16 exhorts us to “Let the word of Christ dwell richly within you.” We are to be a people who are saturated and controlled by the word of God. Out of that comes biblical conduct. Verse 18: “Wives be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” When the word of God dwells richly within you, saturates your life, then you as a wife will live in godly submission to your husband. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.” When the word of Christ dwells richly within a husband’s life, then he has a self-sacrificing commitment of love to his wife then there is no bitterness in that relationship. “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” When children are saturated with the word of God and it dwells in their life and controls them, then they live in obedience to their parents.

“Fathers”, we see the flow keeps coming out of the fact that we are a people controlled by our God and His word. He gives the command. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children” that is a present imperative. A command given in the present tense. Something that we are to be continually on guard against. To not be exasperating your children. Means to arouse, to provoke, to irritate them, to make them bitter. “Do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” Be discouraged. A warning here. Children have to be obedient to parents. You see, there is a balance here. The wives are subject to their husbands but the husbands are to love their wives. If both are functioning biblically, that will lose any abuse. Children have to be submissive to their parents, but fathers as the responsible leaders in their home, and those who carry out the discipline, must be careful not to be provoking them, goading them, irritating them, making them bitter. And we have all been exposed to these kinds of situations, some of them are done more openly than others. Some of us men think that we have come to a degree of maturity because we think that we understand the Bible and the Bible makes us boss. And I’m boss in my home and you do it because I tell you to do it and that’s good enough. There is an element of truth to that, but it is a distorted and twisted use of the truth. My children obey me because God says it is right and required by Him. I’m not to be goading them or provoking them, getting on their case, riding them so to speak. That just makes them bitter and I am in rebellion against the word of God. So I can be what you call a harsh disciplinarian and be in rebellion against the word of God because I am not to be provoking. It’s a command from God. My children, not goading them, not irritating them and making them bitter. I have to be careful in the handling of discipline. That’s why it’s important to handle it biblically. When there has been rebellion and that rebellion has to be dealt with with a spanking and I need to sit down and explain the reason for it and carry it out. I need to be careful I’m not goading and provoking my children as their father. That can bring about an enforced submission as underneath the bitterness is developed. And you say, “I don’t know what happened I beat them a lot”. I was in rebellion against the word of God. So you see how important it is for us to be godly above all else. Just because I spank my children does not mean my children will not depart when they are old. This is the framework of godliness and discipline handled in a godly way. “Do not exasperate your children that they may not lose heart.”

Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. Same kind of setting, you go back into chapter 5 verse 18, it talks about being filled with the Spirit, that is the command. We are to be living under the control of the Spirit. Verse 22 of chapter 5: “Wives be subject to your own husbands”. A wife who is living in submissiveness to the control of the Spirit of God in her life will live a submissive life to her husband. There is no such thing as a godly woman living in submission to the Holy Spirit who is not in submission to her husband. And then the “husbands, love your wives”, verse 25. There is no such thing as a godly husband living in submission to the Holy Spirit who is not giving self-sacrificing love to his wife. Chapter 6 verse 1: “Children, obey your parents”. No such thing as a godly young person having the Spirit of God control their life who does not obey their parents. “Honor your father and mother”, and then verse 4, “Fathers”. See the same kind of balance as Colossians. Wives be submissive to your husbands. First instruction is given to the one who is to be submissive or obedient, the wives. But then the responsibility of the husband, to love them. Responsibility to children, obey your parents. But now come back and he picks up fathers. Children have to obey their parents, father and mother. But the warning is given to the father because again, he is the responsible one, the one held accountable before God and the one who will be ultimately responsible for the discipline in the home. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” It is different to bring your children up in the discipline of the Lord and to provoke them to anger. Same kinds of ideas we are talking about. To provoke here means to make angry, so don’t stir up your children and make them angry. Again it is given as a command in the present tense, so if I am provoking and stirring my children to anger I am in rebellion against the word of God.

“But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Discipline ideas, child training, and it is usually used within the context of upbringing, training instruction within the framework of discipline and correction. So you bring them up in the discipline, instruction with correction, of the Lord. So they are being taught and corrected as they are raised is the idea. The discipline and instruction. That word translated instruction we’re familiar with that some of the discussions that go on in some forms of counseling. Noutheteo, noutheteocs, means admonition, instruction, warning, to bring them up in the instruction. There can be confrontation and there’s admonition, there’s warning. So you see both of these words “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” involve a teaching but also a correction and an admonition within the words as well. So I am to be teaching and instructing and caring for and nurturing my children. Within that framework there is correction, there is discipline, there is admonition. And they come and that’s just part of the whole process. It’s a package that goes together, and if I just pull out of that physical discipline and that’s what we have without the balance of it, you don’t have what God’s talking about. So like if you make a cake and take the yeast out of it. You put the yeast on your plate that you serve your guests for dessert and say, “here I made you some cake”, and you eat the yeast. Probably you’re not going to win many friends. Why? Because it’s just not the same if it’s not mixed together. You don’t have God’s perspective on it if you don’t have all these parts put together as God talks about. That’s why it is hopeless for me to say, “I am not interested in being a godly man, I’ve got other pursuits. I think I’m a saved man and I’m pretty sure I’m on my way to heaven, but I’ve got other things that interest me right now and I do want to raise my kids to turn out alright.” Well, you are in trouble because God says this is what it takes. There’s great responsibility here but I’m encouraged God never calls me to do something that he does not empower me to do in His grace.

That doesn’t mean there are any such thing as perfect fathers or perfect mothers any more than there are perfect children. And it doesn’t mean I’ve never provoked my children, it doesn’t mean I’ve never discouraged them, but it does mean that my intention must be right before God and I must be sensitive when I see I have handled it wrongly then the right thing for me to do is go and tell them. “I made a mistake there. I was wrong in what I did.” Own up to it. I owe them an apology. Not try to cover it over and say, “well I wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t done this.” Well wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I wouldn’t have sinned if you hadn’t sinned? I wouldn’t have lost my temper and swatted you in the face in the store if you wouldn’t have been doing this. Well wait a minute, you have to say, “I was wrong.” It doesn’t matter what they did, I was wrong. And their sin never justifies my sin and I want them to know that, lest they’re out someplace with friends who sin and think that justifies their sin. Never. So, we’re not saying there are perfect fathers or perfect parents, but our goal and our striving can never be less than everything God calls us to do. When I make up my mind I’m satisfied as a parent, there aren’t any perfect fathers, I’m doing the best I can and that’s all I can say; then I stop short and I’d better be satisfied with kids who are going to be a lot less than what God says they ought to be as well because I have modeled that for them.

This responsibility of the father, two passages that we’ve looked at in previous studies. First Timothy chapter 3. First Timothy chapter 3. Paul vocations for elders here, but you’ll note where responsibility for the home is placed. First Timothy chapter 3 verse 4: “He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity” but if you don’t know how to manage your own home, you won’t know how to manage the church of God. There the responsibility is placed upon the man. Whether he is a godly man, fit for spiritual leadership in the church is measured by his leadership in his home. One of the key areas is, are his children under control with dignity? Titus chapter 1 verse 6. Same kind of guideline. “If any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion.” Again it is the man who is evaluated here, his godliness and spiritual character is measured by the condition of his children. I say the ultimate responsibility for the condition of my home, the ultimate responsibility for discipline in my home rests upon me.

Now again, that does not mean that my wife is never involved in discipline or willing to discipline. Often she is. Particularly when they are younger she is involved, perhaps more than I am directly. But the ultimate accountability for the condition of my children and their discipline rests with me, not my wife. And I keep stressing this because we have some men who think that they can absolve themselves. They are at work all day, they’ve got their own set of concerns and problems, it’s their wife’s responsibility to see that the kids are taken care of. And there is an element of truth in that. The wife’s domain is the home. She leads the home under the husband’s oversight. She disciplines the children also, but ultimately I’m accountable. I can’t disassociate myself. When my home is evaluated God will call me to account. It won’t be enough to say, “well I checked with my wife, but no I didn’t get into those things.” And that’s the way we go through life, I used to have a position in a store that I worked in when we lived in the east and I was in charge certain evenings and the next morning the boss would come in, call me to account. And there were times when things were pretty messy and hadn’t gotten done. I’d say, “I don’t know, I left that with so and so and I guess he didn’t get it done.” He says, “I don’t care about so and so. You are accountable.” And that is what God says about my home. Ultimately I’m accountable. So we as men better be involved in the right sense and in the proper biblical sense. Now this does not mean that a lot of what is being written today that men have to come home and roll on the carpet with their children and do a certain amount of baby duty to be good fathers and if you don’t change shifts at night and you don’t do your share of diapers and all that. You work that out in your home. We worked that out in our home. But I’m responsible for my home. I’m responsible to be a godly man and I’m responsible for the discipline of my children. If my wife has a problem with the children and their obedience to her, it’s going to be a very very painful experience for my children because when they are rebellious against their mother, they are rebellious against me.

One time when one of our children were having trouble at children, being rebellious, disobedient. I went and sat down with the teachers involved and I always went for those cases because I felt it was my responsibility ultimately, not my wife’s. She often went with me, but I never sent her without me because I am responsible. And when they shared with me the problem they were having with this child, I had to tell them, you do not have a problem with my child, you have a problem with me. The problem is, I am not evidently carrying out the discipline that this child needs and I will seek to rectify that and I will be checking back with you to see if there is an improvement in the conduct. That was my responsibility and I had to see that it was done. Now we as men need to be careful that we are being biblical here and modeling biblical Christianity.

Important here is for the parents to be together here on this matter of discipline. That means that the wife and mother is going to have to support the husband and father in that area of discipline that we talked about, handling these things together in their discussions apart from the children. A key matter in our children accepting discipline from us as parents is how we model accepting discipline from the Lord in our own lives as God’s children. This is an area that we as believers have almost been blind to. We are the model. How do I model for my children accepting biblical discipline? I do that, not by telling them the war stories of when I was a kid, what happened, although I am careful to share enough of those that they realize that my parents were far stricter with me than I am with them. And I got far worse beatings and on and on. But the real issue is, how do I respond to the discipline of the Lord in my life? When the pressure comes, when I am suffering, do they see a submissive, godly son seeking to learn from his Father’s discipline? Do they see a bitter, complaining, grumbling, rebellious son fighting against his Father’s discipline?

Look back in the book of Proverbs chapter 3. Proverbs chapter 3 verse 11. Every parent ought to have these verses marked in their Bible and commit them to your memory. Proverbs 3:11, “My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord or loath His reproof, for whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.” See that word of command and exhortation and warning. “My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord.” Just because I’m a parent now, leading my own home does not mean I am now removed from the realm of discipline. I am to be an obedient, submissive son to my heavenly Father and I will be experiencing His discipline in my life because whom the Lord loves He reproves in the same way that a father disciplined the child in whom he delights. Interesting way the Bible deals with discipline. If you really delight in that child, that child is an object of your special affection and love you’ll discipline them. And we are the special treasures of God as His children, so He’ll discipline us. Now don’t resist that, don’t chafe against it, don’t loathe it.

New Testament expands on this. Look in Hebrews chapter 12. Hebrews chapter 12 verse 3. We are exhorted to consider Christ and what He suffered. Now you note the framework that this suffering has putted. What Christ suffered was a result of sinful conduct by other men, but that’s going to be an illustration for how we handle discipline. So we can see that discipline in my life can be anything unpleasant as a child of God, and some of that will be more painful than other things. Some of it will be things that have been done to me very unjustly, but God has permitted it in His gracious love to come into my life to discipline me to shape me and mature me as His child. Part of the problem we have as believers is failing to recognize God’s discipline when it comes. That training process that develops me as God wants me to develop. Verse 4. These believers are getting weary of their suffering, getting weary of their persecution. “You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin.” In other words, they haven’t been martyrs yet, so you haven’ t gone as far as you think you have. “And you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons”, and he quotes from the verses we read in Proverbs. “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.” You see, God permitted this severe persecution and suffering to come into their lives as part of His disciplining process in nurturing them to maturity as His children. But they were failing to appreciate what God was doing in their life, and we all can understand that. What happens is the pressure comes, the opposition comes, we get caught in the battle, and I fail to see that God’s hand is in this. I lose sight of what is really transpiring and pretty soon I get weary, I get discouraged, I want to give up, I get bitter. And what have I modeled for my children? I’ve modeled for them how you handle discipline. And then I wonder, “Well I’ve tried to be consistent in my spankings.” Yes, and they’ve been consistent in responding just like you do the Lord, just like I do to the Lord. And you say, “what is wrong?” We’ve not been vivid. “It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?” We as fathers ought to take note of this. You note again the responsibility for the discipline is with the father. What son is there whom his father does not discipline? “But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.” Point here, if you don’t get disciplined by the Lord, you don’t belong to the Lord because the Lord loves you and he disciplines every son that He loves. The problem that we have in many of our homes is we as fathers treat our children as though they didn’t belong to us. We neglect to discipline, then we wonder why they don’t turn out. You’ve treated them like illegitimate. King James’s version says bastards, an unpleasant word. We ought to see it as unpleasant as it is. God says, “I as a Father can treat my son or daughter just like they don’t belong to me. I do that when I don’t discipline them.” And God disciplines us in love and then we complain! When I ought to rejoice! We appreciate the maturity that comes in our children when they can come and thank us for the discipline that they received because they realized now with the maturity they have that it was necessary and we did it because we love them. Well that ought to be true of us spiritually in our walk with God. It’s a sign of maturity when I can stop and thank God for the difficult. Thank you God for loving me enough to bring this pain into my life. For allowing this suffering to come to me, so that I might learn more about you and the greatness of your love. That I might be refined and purified to become more like Your Son. Verse 9: “Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits and live?” I mean if you would be submissive to your earthly father because you appreciated that he was doing it for your good, how much more your heavenly Father? Interesting we can give these lectures to our kids about why we have to discipline them and turn around and fail to see the correlation with what God does in our lives. They disciplined us for a short time as seen best to them. I’m fallible. I have a short time with my kids and I do the best that I can before God, but I have failed. I have not disciplined when I should, I disciplined when I shouldn’t. All I can say is that before God I want to be as consistent as I can. “But He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness.” Do you realize He’s never given a spanking at the wrong time or for the wrong reason? It’s always been for my good. Every pain, every difficulty, every suffering has been for my good. I’m here thinking, “Why would God do this? This is not fair, it’s not just, it’s not right.” And I can say, “Wait a minute, God always does what’s right. We’re like His little children.” How often have you heard when it’s spanking time? “You don’t love me.” They don’t understand. We do love them, that’s why we’re doing it. If we didn’t love them we would tell them to get out of here and we would go watch television. You’re doing what’s unpleasant because it needs to be done because you love them. He always disciplines us for our good that we may share His holiness. Verse 11. I have it marked in my Bible; I hope you’ll mark it in yours. “All discipline”, underline that, “all discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful.” If you have the kind of discipline that doesn’t make things unpleasant, you don’t have true discipline. So discipline is that which is unpleasant. “Yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Is that not exciting? God disciplines me as His child so that I can be characterized by righteousness. I’m trained by that discipline, that’s the child training process that we saw earlier going on here in the spiritual realm. That’s what’s going on in the physical realm too. There’s that correlation with discipline. How are we doing? You know we’ve gone through some real trials at the church. Many of us have grumbled and complained and wondered, “Why God?, Why God? Why God?” You have to come back to Hebrews chapter 12 and say because I need to partake of His homes because I need the fruit of righteousness. One of the most grieving things, something that I heard this past week. About one of the families, an Indian Hills family, says you know what has happened, they have become settled in their bitterness. Oh the fail, regardless of what is done, what has been done, how it’s done, I can grow through it. The fact that ungodly unbelievers were persecuting these Hebrew Christians is a secondary issue. What really mattered is that God was using that as discipline in their lives so that they could partake of His holiness and produce the fruit of righteousness. That’s what they ought to be rejoicing about and appreciating. How do we model that in our homes as parents? What are our children here talking about when there’s not quite enough money to go as far as we would like, when we have been wronged by someone, when there’s pressure in my life. I am modeling how I handle that. How my children are to handle discipline from their parents and from the Lord. There is no other area, one area so singularly important, I’m convinced, as this for us as believers. The trials and troubles that we go through as a body of believers. To me what we have come through, the most important thing of all, is did we handle it in godliness? Did I model for my children godliness under the discipline of the Lord? You say well, “I was right.” Well these Hebrew Christians were right too, they were standing for Christ. That’s not the issue. The issue is God allowed pain and suffering to come into their life to mold them, to shape them, and make them more godly. That’s what I want to model for my children as God disciplines me.

Come back to Proverbs quickly. Proverbs chapter 12. I just want to read to you a few verses beginning in Proverbs chapter 12. Let me encourage you again, let me encourage you fathers to take the next month and read through the book of Proverbs, read one Proverb a day. Start with the date and if it’s the twelfth of the month start with Proverbs 12 and read through for the next month and you’ll have read through the book of Proverbs. Do that every month for three or four months, marking Proverbs that leap out to you. Proverbs chapter 12 verse 1: “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” You see that? Now I want to apply that doubly. I want my children to understand that but I want to understand that before the Lord. I want to model this verse before my children so that they can learn and respond to my discipline and then to the discipline of the Lord as they become adults. Proverbs chapter 13 verse 1: “A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.” I want to be a wise son, I want to accept the discipline. I don’t want to fight against it, I don’t want to be discouraged about it, I don’t want to give up, I want to accept it. I want to say, “Lord help me learn.” I don’t want to run off some place where there is no pressure. I want to stay and grow through the difficulty. Proverbs chapter 15 verse 32: “He who neglects discipline despises himself, but he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.” It’s self-destructive to reject and neglect discipline, “but he who listen to reproof acquires understanding.”

How are we doing in our homes? Are we really being godly parents, godly fathers, godly mothers who are attempting by the grace of God and the power of the Spirit to raise godly young people to maturity in Christ? The best thing for our children is that parent’s number one come to know and believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior who loved them and died for them. Now I model submissiveness before my children when I acknowledge that I am a sinner. God is right. I have been in rebellion against Him, but I believe His Son Jesus Christ died for me personally and I am letting go of my pride and my stubbornness and my rebellion and am submitting myself to Him in faith. Placing my trust in the truth that the Son of God paid for my sin on the cross. Then God transforms my life and I become one who can be a model for my children. Secondly, our children need not only parents who have come to believe in Christ but they need parents who are living in obedience to the word of God. Nothing more devastating for our home than parents who are professing a relationship with Christ and living out fear in the nether netherlands someplace. That’s just a concept, I believe in Christ but I model by my life disobedience, disinterest, which is rebellion. Now I’m called to be consumed with a passionate love that controls me for my God. They need to see parents who are living lives of obedience. No tolerance, no excuse for sin in my life. When it’s there, when it’s pointed out to me, when I become aware of it, it has to be dealt with and I want it to be dealt with firmly and as severely as necessary so it’s gone. My children see that I don’t tolerate in my life what I say what not ought to be in their life. They ought to be living lives of submissiveness to God and obedience to their parents. I must be modeling submissiveness to my God, obedience to His word and by God’s grace He has the freedom to work in our homes and in our children to accomplish His purposes in light of what counts for eternity.

Let’s pray together. Thank you Father for the graciousness that is made possible, our relationship with You. The great cost of the death of Your Son that made it possible for rebellious, stubborn, proud, arrogant, sinful men and women to experience true forgiveness and a family relationship with Yourself. Lord thank you for Your word which instructs us and teaches us and guides in the passing path of life. Lord we need homes that are built on the foundation of the word of God. We need men and women who have submitted their lives to You and are willing to model godliness in their homes. Lord I pray for the men and fathers here that we might be willing to submit ourselves to You and You alone. That we might love You more than anything, that we might have the kind of self-sacrificing, self-giving love for our wives and our children and make us models for them to follow. Lord I pray for the wives and the mothers here. In their modeling godliness in the home, in their submissiveness to their husbands, in the leadership they provide for the home. Lord give us a bond as parents in our commitment in our submissiveness to You that we would be a picture for our children of to pattern themselves after us. Lord I pray for the young people, the special pressures that they experience. Lord I pray that we as parents would be sensitive to them, that we will encourage them and nurture them and instruct them.