Christ Preeminent (Part Twenty-Five): Family Worship

Transcript

JRNT 47
02/18/2024
Christ Preeminent (Part Twenty-Five): Family Worship
Colossians 3:20-21
Jesse Randolph

Well, if you find yourself navigating the website of any Christian book seller today, or if you go down to Mardel [store] on “O” Street, or let’s just get realistic, if you go on Amazon, you’re going to find, in the Christian Living section, a series of books having to do with family worship. And while the titles of these books are as varied as the methodology they teach, to the undiscerning reader one can come away with the impression that if I just sing a certain number of hymns around the fireplace every night, if I just read a certain number of bible verses at the breakfast table, if I just cover a certain number of topics during bedtime prayer routines, I’ve engaged in family worship. In other words, when these books and resources are imbibed without an appropriate amount of discernment, a family and a father as the spiritual leader of his family, can come away with the impression that “family worship” is all about the boxes we’ve checked and the hoops we jump through. And the things that we do to give ourselves license to pat ourselves on the back the next morning. As opposed to “family worship” being a matter of who we are as a God-designed, knit-together unit whose eyes are focused on praising and bringing glory to Jesus Christ in our homes. As we fulfill the various respective roles, He’s given us, as husbands, as wives, and, as we’re going to see in our text for today, as children.

Turn with me in your Bibles, please. To Colossians 3:20-21, where we’re going to see some insights into what true family worship looks like at it’s heart, at its core. In Colossians 3:18, of course, we looked at the role that the wives are to play, in a home where Christ is preeminent. In Colossians 3:19, last week, we looked at the role that husbands are to play, in a home where Christ is preeminent. Today, we read on in verses 20-21, where we’re going to see the role that children, and not only children but fathers, are to play in a home where Christ is preeminent. Where family worship truly takes place.

Look with me at verses 20-21 of Colossians 3. God’s word reads: “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” That’s as far as we’re going to get today. And what we’re going to see as we work through the text is that while many of the books that have been written in recent years about family worship do offer insightful ideas as to how a family might bring aspects of worship into their home, family worship, again, is not about what we do. It’s about who we are and how we function, specifically as a family. And what we’re going to see as we go through this text is that God’s word gives very clear direction as to how children are to interact with their parents. And parents with their children. And to do so in a manner that is “well-pleasing to the Lord.” And that, by the way, is the heart of true worship. The heart of family worship for our concept today. To live and to function in a home that seeks to be “well-pleasing to,” and well-pleasing in, “the Lord.”

So again, this week, we’re going to continue to trace out what God’s word, and specifically, the book of Colossians, has to say about the home. This week, we’re going to look at these parent-child relationships. And do so from the vantage point of both sides of that relationship. So what we’ll be doing this morning is first work through verse 20 along with its various implications for children. We’ll call that point, “The Child’s Ultimate Aim.” And then we’ll get into verse 21, where Paul addresses parents, and specifically fathers. And we’ll call that point, “The Father’s Understanding Authority.”
Not ‘understanding,’ like a father trying to be his child’s best friend. But ‘understanding,’ like understanding their ultimate purpose as fathers. And understanding what God’s word teaches them as fathers. And understanding the stakes of failing to fulfill their biblical roles as fathers.
So, it’s two verses, two preaching points this morning, “The Child’s Ultimate Aim,” and “The Father’s Understanding Authority.”

Let’s start with “The Child’s Ultimate Aim,” verse 20, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” Now, as we come to verse 20 here we’re already at one of those proverbial forks in the road. Which children, whose children, what type of children, is Paul referring to here? Are we talking about babies, or toddlers, or teenagers, or somewhere in between? Are we talking about Trackers, or Scouts, or Trailblazers, [Adventure Club youngsters]? Or, to get back to the old Awana days, are we talking about Cubbies, or Sparks, or T&T kids? Also, is Paul addressing believing children here? Is he addressing those children who have made a profession, a genuine profession, of faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord? Or, instead, is he addressing unbelieving children? Whether obstinate teenagers. Or deceived third graders. Or my favorite phrase that Voddie Baucham gives for the littlest ones, ‘the vipers in diapers.’ So, right away, we have to make these dual determinations. Is Paul here -- when he says that children are to “be obedient to your parents” in everything -- is he speaking to children of a certain age? And is he speaking to children who are in the faith?

Let’s tackle the age question first. What’s the likely age bracket of the children that Paul is addressing here? Well, the word for “children” here, “tekna,” is a rather broad term, it encapsulates all those who are dependent on their parents for daily needs. So, a “teknon,” a child, can equally apply to a child who is in diapers as it would apply to a child who is driving. We have five children in our family. We have a 17-year-old. And we have a 4-year-old. Each of them would be considered tekna, children, according to this standard. So, Paul’s word for children here in verse 20 covers this potentially wide range of ages. It covers the whole realm of those children who are still subject under their parents’ roofs and under their authority.

So, can we get any more specific, can we drill down any further, to get to the likely age range of the children that Paul is addressing here? I think we can, and I think we can by answering the second question I posed earlier concerning the spiritual condition of these children. See, the more I’ve worked through this text and the more I studied this text all week, I’m of the view that the children that Paul is addressing in this section of his letter to the Colossians aren’t just any children, but rather are believing children. I have a few reasons for this. First, we just have to consider the context here. Paul in this section of his letter to the Colossians is addressing family matters, and family relations, and family roles, and family responsibilities. And as he addresses each segment of the family, in chapter 3 here, he’s assuming a Christian perspective and a Christian worldview, which is ultimately rooted in a relationship with Jesus Christ. We saw this earlier in Colossians 3:18, where it says: “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it is fitting…” What? “In the Lord.” We saw this last week, in Colossians 3:19, where we saw that husbands are to “love your wives.” And then we jumped over to Ephesians 5 and saw that that love that the husband has for his wife is to be patterned after Christ’s love for the church.

Next week, we’ll look at the master-slave relationship that Paul was required to address there at Colossae. But look down the page at Colossians 3:22 where he says, “Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” In other words, what we’re seeing here in each of these standards laid out in Colossians 3 for faithful family living, faithful household living, is that the assumption that Paul was making throughout, whether he was addressing wives, or husbands, or fathers, or masters, or slaves, or here, children, was that he was dealing with Christians, with genuine followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. Those who had truly repented and believed in His saving gospel. That’s one of the reasons that I take the view that he’s talking here in verse 20 about children. And when he says, children, he's talking about believing children. The overall context of this section of Colossians 3.

I also think there’s another strand of evidence that establishes that Paul is addressing believing children here. And it’s found at the end of verse 20. In our translation, we’re told that a child’s obedience, is says here in verse 20, “is well-pleasing to the Lord.” And we have to be careful how we filter that and process that and think about that. Because if we’re not careful reading that without giving context to all of scripture, might lead us to think that any child’s obedience, whether that child be a believer or that child be an unbeliever. Is ultimately “well-pleasing to the Lord.” But we know, do we not? From the broader witness of scripture that even the most righteous deeds performed by an unbeliever -- whether that’s an unemployed 49-year-old former truck driver or the cute-as-a-button little six-year-old girl -- are worthless. And not only are they worthless, those deeds are deemed noxious by the holy God revealed in the Bible. That a God who dwells in unapproachable light -- the God who the psalms say, harbors righteous anger not only toward wickedness, but toward the wicked themselves - the one who calls the so-called good deeds of the unbeliever, including the good behavior of any unregenerate child, to be “filthy rags” in Isaiah 64:6. So, how would the interpretation that these are unbelieving children square up with any unbeliever ultimately being able to be “well-pleasing to the Lord”? The answer is it can’t.

Here’s the last strand of evidence, though, and I think this is even the strongest one. That really makes concrete, and cements the case, that Paul is addressing believers here, believing children here. And that goes to the underlying Greek manuscripts on which this translation is based. When we go to the Greek language here of Colossians 3:20, we see that this verse is describing a child’s obedience to their parents being well-pleasing, not to the Lord, but it says, “in” the Greek manuscript. “In the Lord,” en kurio, “in the Lord.” So, the word “to”, it doesn’t say, to the Lord. In the Greek New Testament it says, “in the Lord.” And that matches with the same formulation that we see elsewhere in Colossians 3, about how Christians are to behave themselves, and comport themselves, to live lives that are pleasing in the Lord, in Christ.
Colossians 3:18, just up the page there, says, “Wives,” again, are to be subject to their own husbands “as is fitting in the Lord.” It’s the exact same formulation there. It’s the same formulation we see up in Colossians 3:17, where we’re given this instruction, “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” Same preposition there, “in”, not “to.” It’s the same formulation we see back in the book of Colossians, in Colossians 2:6, where it says, “as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.” And of course, it’s “in” Christ, Colossians 1:14, that “we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

So, what the entire letter of Colossians has been painting a picture of up to this point, is that Christ is preeminent over all things. And we, as His followers, are “in” Him. We are unified with Him. We’ve “been buried with Him,” Colossians 2:12, “in baptism.” We’ve been “raised up with Him through faith.” So, tying all of these strands of evidence together: the Greek preposition, the Greek word “in,” “in Him”; the fact that no unbelieving child ultimately would be able to live a life that is “pleasing to the Lord”; considering that the context of this passage speaks in terms of Paul addressing various groups of Christian believers -- leads to the conclusion here, that in verse 20 he’s addressing believing children in the Colossian church.

Teenagers? There’s a good chance of that. Preteens? Maybe. Eight-year-olds? Less likely. Four-year-olds? Even less likely. Babies? No. Paul wasn’t a Presbyterian. But we have more of an age range here as we think about, ok, these are believing children, like the older children able to make a conscious decision about making a decision for Christ, putting their faith in Christ.

Ok, so Paul here, in using this term “children.” Is addressing believing children, verse 20, those who are in the faith, those who are saved, those who belong to Christ and have submitted to His lordship. To them, Paul now gives this command, this imperative, which is at the heart of what he’s about to say here. Where he says, “Children, be obedient to your parents.” Now, you might remember, when we went through the passage related to wives, Colossians 3:18, we saw how that command given to wives, “be subject to,“ or it’s also translated elsewhere, “subject yourselves to,” is in the middle voice. And you may remember, you Greek students, that all that means is that there is at least some aspect of the wife’s submission that is voluntary as she brings herself under her husband’s headship and authority. Well, that’s not the case for children here in verse 20. We don’t see the middle voice being used here in verse 20. Instead, this is a present active imperative. Meaning this language, “be obedient to your parents,” is both demanding absolute obedience and its demanding continual obedience. And note, to whom this blanket form of obedience is due. As we read on in verse 20, it says, “children, be obedient to your parents.” “Parents,” plural. As in, both the father and the mother. Meaning the responsibility of the child to obey is owed to both parents. Not to play one parent off the other, but instead, to be equally and fully obedient to both.

Now, we could just stop there because it’s so clear. And we could just say, “Children, be obedient to your parents,” you get the message, let’s pray, let’s go to lunch, and shorten this thing up, right? We could do that, but if we were to do that, we would be missing out on so much of the rich biblical history and theology that’s baked into those few words there. And I don’t want us to miss out on all the helpful background information that’s loaded into that command, “be obedient to your parents.” So let’s go back in time, back in history, and trace out the biblical storyline and what it teaches us about the sad and soured history of parent-child relationships in a post-Fall world.

And you can feel free to flip with me to these passages, if you’d like. I’m going to go through them real quickly though, just be warned. First, we’ll start in the book of Genesis, Genesis 4, Cain and Abel, the first sons ever mentioned in the Bible. Whose relationship we know came to an end when Cain slaughtered Abel. And we also know that’s an event that brought great grief to their parents, Adam and Eve. Which even led them to name their next son, Seth, to reflect the fact that God had appointed, (that’s the meaning of Seth) Eve to carry, it said in Genesis 4:25, “another offspring in place of Abel, for Cain killed him.” Then there is the account of Ham in Genesis 9:22, who we’re told “saw the nakedness of his father,” Noah, and then shamefully told his brothers, Shem and Japheth all about it. And then we get to the account of Jacob in Genesis 27, deceiving his father, with his mother Rebekah’s help, into thinking he was his brother Esau so that he could receive his father’s blessing. And then we get to Genesis 34 and it’s the account of the sons of Jacob slaying the men of Shechem, and then lying to their father or deceiving their father. And then Jacob telling them in Genesis 34:30, “You have brought trouble on me by making me odious among the inhabitants of the land.” Then there’s the account of the sons of Jacob lying to their father, in Genesis 37:31-34. They lie about the whereabouts and the fate of their brother Joseph. And they get their father Jacob to believe that Joseph has been torn to pieces by a wild animal, when we know they had actually captured him and sold him into slavery in Egypt.
So, we’re just in the book of Genesis. So, in these earliest years in the history of Israel… And there are some exceptions. Think of Isacc willingly going up the mountain with Abraham. But there’s this steady track record of unfaithfulness demonstrated by children to their parents. Marked by lying, and deceiving, and shaming, and even some bloodshed.

And then we get to the first giving of the Law in Exodus, Exodus 20. (Don’t worry, I won’t cover all 39 books of the Old Testament.) Exodus 20, first giving of the Law as the Israelites looked to enter the Promise Land. It really should have been no surprise that listed among the Ten Commandments given by God to the Israelites was the fifth commandment, Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” That command was even repeated later, in the second giving of the Law, Deuteronomy 5:16, same commandment. And as Paul would later recognize in Ephesians 6:2, that command given to children to obey, honor their parents, “is the first commandment with a promise,” namely, the prolonging of the days for those faithful, obedient children of Israel.

Reading on in the Old Testament, just a few lines down from the fifth commandment in Exodus 20, we see this language in Exodus 21:17, “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” Leviticus 20:9, similarly, “If there is anyone who curses his father or his mother, he shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother, his bloodguiltiness is upon him.” And things really get ratcheted up in Deuteronomy 21:18, it says, “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. They shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear.” So, under the Mosaic Law of the Old Testament then, disobedience to parents was considered to be rebellion against God and it was severely punished and it was deemed worthy of capital punishment, the death penalty.

Ok. So we have reports of lots of bad behavior back in Genesis. We have the Law of Moses commanding obedience by children to their parents. We have warnings against disobedience by children on the penalty of death. As we move on into the historical books of the Old Testament this trend of children being disobedient, sons being wayward, continues on. For instance, in the days of the judges we’re told about the sons of Eli who were described this way in 1 Samuel 2:12, “Now the sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the Lord.” We know from the books of 1 and 2 Kings and 1 and 2 Chronicles, that during the reigns of various kings in both the northern tribes and southern tribes that there were repeated accounts of sons taking over for their fathers and eclipsing their fathers in terms of the evil deeds that they practiced and the wickedness they promoted.

And then, with all of this disobedience and wickedness displayed by children as the backdrop, we get to the wisdom literature of the Old Testament, specifically, the book of Proverbs, where we see statement after statement, and insight after insight, and gem after gem of divinely-given wisdom on both the promises associated with a child who obeys his parents and the perils associated with a child’s disobedience. In fact, why don’t you turn with me over to Proverbs 1, so we can get a flavor of the wisdom literature on this very topic of obedience and disobedience by children. Look at Proverbs 1, and we’ll start right in the middle of your Bibles, Proverbs 1, we’ll start in verse 7. Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching; indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck.” Now, from this passage, we see the suggestion that true knowledge, rooted in the fear of the Lord, as it says there in verse 7, is to first be imparted in the home through the child’s parents. “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” And did you catch the verbs there? “Hear.” “Do not forsake.” In other words, the expectation of the child was that he would listen to, and heed, and obey both parents.

Flip over to Proverbs 6. We’ll see more of this. Proverbs 6, picking it up in verse 20. It says: “My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother; bind them continually on your heart; tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk to you.”
So, both parental leadership and parental instruction in the ways of the Lord are in view here.
And note that the child here, was called to be obedient to what he or she was taught and commanded to do. The verbs there, again. “Observe.” “Do not forsake.” Those are just a couple of examples of what we see in the book of Proverbs. There are many more we could turn to.

But that’s sort of a general flyover there of the Old Testament soil that our passage, Colossians 3:20, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things,” that’s the soil that command is planted in. Now, as we shift over to the New Testament we encounter additional warnings about disobedient children. Warnings so much that are not directed at children themselves, as they speak to the decay that a society or a culture has experienced when children disobeying their parents becomes increasingly the norm. Turn with me, if you would, to Romans 1, which of course is this well-known warning passage concerning those who have rejected God. Romans 1 has something to say to our topic this morning. Look at Romans 1:18, it says, “the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness.” In other words, those who have rejected God have rejected the revelation He has given of Himself, and as a result, they’re under the wrath of God. And part of the expression of the wrath of God is that He has given truth-suppressing unbelievers over to their sin. “Therefore,” we see in verse 24, “God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity.” And then in verse 26 just down the page, “For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions.” And then from there Paul goes on to list, very explicitly, the various sexual passions, which are being championed and romanticized, and politicized and propagandized and weaponized in our day.

And then, look at verse 28 a little further, and it says, “And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer,” and that’s really the heart of the issue, “not seeing fit to acknowledge God any longer,” and then here it comes, another “God gave them over” statement. Verse 28, the middle of the verse, “God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil.” And we might be thinking to ourselves already, how awful. How vile, what wicked people! How could they? But then look what comes next. Look what makes-the-cut at the end of verse 30, about the mark of the depraved mind, “disobedient to parents.” In other words, the child who is disobedient to their parents is not only displaying their fallen nature, they are displaying the depravity of their mind, and they’re showcasing their open rebellion against God.

All of the self-help books that are out there on parenting that exist today, books which encourage you to be your child’s best friend, books which encourage a free-range form of parenting, in which you view your child as an equal partner, books which encourage parents to allow the child to set the standard by which the home operates, books which encourage a Bohemian kum-ba-ya, “you can call me by my first name, kid, since we don’t believe in authoritarian power structures around here” -- that kind of parenting. If those books aren’t speaking out biblically against a child’s disobedience and biblically calling on children to obey, all they’re doing is stoking the flames of that child’s already depraved mind, and encouraging that child to double down on his dissipation and rebellion, and ultimately, lighting that child’s path to hell. So that’s Romans.

One more passage to consider before we get back to Colossians. Turn with me, over to 2 Timothy 3, if you would, 2 Timothy 3, starting in verse 1. Second Timothy 3:1 has a similar flavor to what we just saw in Romans. It says, “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers.” And we’re thinking to ourselves already, “Oh no, here we go again, Romans 1 all over again. Awful people! What vile, wretched sinners!” And note what comes next, “disobedient to parents.” Which is then followed by the rest of this list, “ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” So, we see here again, in 2 Timothy 3, like we see in Romans 1, that along with unloving brutes, and self-seeking lovers of pleasure, and malicious gossips, disobedient children are one of the clear marks of societal deterioration. So wicked is their rebellion, that their very existence and their behavior indicates that we are in the last days. And we all say, “Maranatha, come Lord Jesus.”

That brings us all the way back to our text, Colossians 3:20, where children, believing children I believe, are told to “be obedient to your parents in all things,” it says, “for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” The expanded-upon, the parallel passage to this one, is the one you see over in Ephesians 6:1, which says: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” So, children are to “obey their parents in the Lord,” why? “for this is right,” meaning this is just, this is proper, this reflects God’s design for the home. And ultimately, it pleases the Lord, its “pleasing in the Lord.”

So, a word for the children here this morning, those who are still under the roof and the care and the authority of your parents. If you profess to know Christ and to be a follower of Jesus Christ, if you say you are a Christian, if you say you’re living for the Lord, if you claim that you’re going to be with Him in glory one day, that profession -- if it is true, if it is real, if it is genuine -- is going to backed by your obedience to Jesus Christ, which, in this phase of your life, is going to be shown by your obedience to your parents. Just like a Christian wife’s submission to Jesus Christ, will be demonstrated among other ways, by her submission to her husband -- your obedience to your God, the God you claim to worship and serve, will be demonstrated by the obedience that you show your parents. This is yet another way, as a Christian, that you have an opportunity to follow the example of our Lord Himself. We know that during His own years here on earth, our Lord Jesus demonstrated perfect obedience to His parents. In His humanity, in His boyhood, Jesus obeyed His parents perfectly. Luke 2:51 says, “He continued in subjection to them.” So, as you strive “to [continually] walk,” 1 John 2:6, “in the same manner as He walked.” You’re called to do the same, visa-vee, your parents. You’re called to obey them.

Now, back to our text, Colossians 3:20, it says, “Children, be obedient to your parents” in some things. No. It says, “in all things,” in all aspects of daily living, in all aspects of home life, church life, leisure time. Children are to obey in not only those things that they find their parents words to be agreeable, not only in those commands the parents give that the child finds to be naturally pleasing. But “in all things.” And as they obey, again, this ultimately will be a sign of their love, not even ultimately for their parents, but for their Lord, for the God that they say has saved them.

And there might be some here, who think that this “all things” language, it’s been intimidating. And they immediately want to know about the exceptions and the loopholes and the what-ifs. Surely, Paul can’t mean “all things” here, can he? What about those parents who parent in anger, and what about those parents who parent in folly, what about when a parent is being unwise in giving a command to their child, or what if the child legitimately knows better than their parents? What does the text say? The text says, still says it, “in all things,” “in all things.” “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things.” Just like down in verse 22, “Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth.” Or down in verse 23, “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.” Or up the page in verse 17, “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” It’s comprehensive.

Now, does a child need to obey their parents when their parents are commanding them to sin? Or to otherwise act contrary to the plain commands of God’s word? The answer to that is, no. No more than a wife is required to submit to her husband when her husband is leading her to or commanding her to sin. Is a child required to heed an order from a parent to never read their Bible again, or not to pray, or not to attend church, or to steal, to lie, to murder? No. There comes a time in which that child, like Peter before the Council in Acts 5:29 says, “We must obey,” or I must obey, “God rather than men,” even if that man is my parent.
But those instances are so few and far between, especially when we think of the context here of Colossians. The context here in Colossians, I’ve articulated it a few different ways now, is that this is a Christian home, with presumably Christian parents, who are teaching and training and giving directions to Christian children. Where, presumably, there’s this alignment between parent and child over what the Bible prescribes and what the Bible proscribes.

I can already hear the objection: ok, well, what about those fuzzier situations? What about when black-and-white rules like this turn gray?” For instance, what happens when a child who is saved, is under the authority of parents who are unsaved and the parent issues a command the child feels like they can’t follow? I’m going to offer two thoughts here. The first is this… and admittedly, this might sound like a bit of a ‘cop out’. But I hope it’s going to encourage you to get more involved with the body of believers here at the church. Not every exception to every biblical rule and every biblical command laid out in scripture, as we preach through it on a Sunday morning sermon like this, can be teased out and explained in a manner of minutes up here. Meaning, pertinent to our text this morning, if you’re a child who had made a profession of faith and you’re wrestling with the question of whether something my parent is asking me to do is sinful, if I have to heed that command -- what you need to do is sit with one of our pastors, and sit with one of our elders, and seek guidance and biblical counsel, so they can hear all the details of the situation and give you wise biblical advice.

But even as you do so, and here is my second thought, what should be weighing on you as a Christian child, is not how you as a child can get away with not obeying your parents. But instead, what should be weighing on you is how you can honor Christ while still obeying. And how you can somehow determine to do what your parents are asking you to do as unto the Lord. And how you can, especially in the case of unsaved parents, be a solid witness for Christ to them as you seek to win them to the Lord. Again, the command in verse 20 is comprehensive. The obedience that’s being called for here is total. And the child, the Christian child here, ought to be giving paramount consideration to the lordship of Jesus Christ over their lives.
“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to [in] the Lord.”

Now, one more thing on this verse, verse 20. I’ve already made my case, I believe, as to why a better translation of those last words of verse 20, “for this is well-pleasing to the Lord”, would actually be “for this is well-pleasing in the Lord.” There’s also still no doubt that for those who are in the Lord, those who are in Christ, and in this context those who are Colossian Christian children, they still want to do what is pleasing to the Lord as an act of worship -- here, in the Colossian context, in this section of Colossians 3, as an act of family worship. I mean, that’s really the ultimate aim and the goal of any believer, is it not, to please the Lord? It absolutely is!
Second Corinthians 5:9 says, “we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.” Ephesians 5:8 says, “for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light… trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.” Colossians 1:9-10 says, “For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects.”

So, as we’ve already seen in our study of Colossians, Christ is preeminent, preeminent over the galaxies, preeminent over the world, preeminent in the church, and preeminent in the home. And what Paul was saying here to the believing children in this city, and what the word is saying to the believing children here this morning, is that the way that you bring praise and honor and glory to Jesus Christ, the way that you worship Him aright, the Christ who is preeminent, is to obey your parents. And if, by contrast, you aren’t committed to doing that, if you aren’t committed to obeying your parents, no matter what profession of faith you made, no matter how sincere you thought you were being -- if you are living a life of continual disobedience to your parents as a child, continual rebellion against your parents, by being sneaky or deceptive or duplicitous or openly resistant -- you really have to question whether you’ve experienced the redeeming grace of God in your life to begin with. You really need to question whether you have a truly right relationship with God. Or instead, whether you’re going to hear those chilling words, that the Lord Jesus will give the unbeliever on that final day, “depart from me, I never knew you.”

We need to move on. We’ve seen one side of the coin, one way the family worships, with the children, the believing children, being obedient to their parents in all things. That was “The Child’s Ultimate Aim” for the notetakers. Next, we’re going to turn to this realm of parental authority and guidance and instruction, specifically, that’s given to fathers in the home. Look at verse 21. And this will be “The Father’s Understanding Authority.”

Verse 21, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” Now, before we get into the meaning of that term “exasperate,” a few preliminaries need to be ironed out and worked through. And by that, I mean, this command to “not exasperate your children” is relatively narrow in its scope. But it’s set against the broader backdrop of all the picture the scripture paints of parents, and specifically, but not exclusively, fathers, investing in the overall spiritual development of their children. In other words, this command here, not to exasperate one’s children, is not some stray command, that the Spirit of God dropped out of the sky to first century fathers in Colossae with no context or meaning or background. No. The command we see given here is downstream from a series of parental precepts that are laid out elsewhere in the scriptures. And we won’t be able to get to all of these this morning. But I do want to take note of a few of those precepts here before we get to this command in verse 21 to fathers to not exasperate their children.

The first precept is this, fathers are charged with the responsibility to train up their children in the ways of the Lord. We see that idea straddling both the Old Testament and the New Testament. In the Old Testament it’s the infamous Shama, starting in Deuteronomy 6:4 and following, “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord Your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” The context there, Deuteronomy 6, is clearly Israel, Israelite fathers who would bring up Israelite children, specifically Israelite sons, and teach them the ways of Yahweh.

Well, the concept carries over to the New Testament in Ephesians 6:4, which says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” So, Deuteronomy 6 says, “you shall teach [God’s commandments] diligently to your sons.” Ephesians 6 says, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Putting those concepts together, the instructions that are given to Christian fathers, whether in the Colossae of Paul’s day or here in our day, is to point their children to the existence and the character of the living God. And to point their children to their desperate need for salvation and their desperate need for a Savior. And to point their children to the fact that all of the answers for life and godliness are found in God’s timeless and precious word. So that’s precept number one, fathers are to train, direct, and lead their children in the ways of the Lord through the word of the Lord.

Precept number two is that while this weight of responsibility falls largely on fathers, it doesn’t fall exclusively on fathers. Going back to the Old Testament, specifically to the book of Proverbs, we see that mothers, too, were involved in the teaching and direction of their children. Proverbs 1:8, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” Proverbs 6:20, “My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.” And we see a similar thought carry over into the New Testament, where we encounter Paul, in 2 Timothy 1:5, acknowledging the spiritual influence that Timothy, his young pastoral protégé, had received from both his mother and his grandmother.
2 Timothy 1:5 says, “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” In other words, it came… Timothy’s faith was passed through by his grandmother and his mother. So, so far, that’s two precepts. Fathers are to instruct their children in the way of the Lord. But it’s not only fathers who are to do so. Mothers are getting involved, too.

Here’s concept number three, which largely builds on numbers one and two. The direction and instruction that we see mentioned in the scriptures is to be carried out principally by the parents. Not by YouTube videos, not by podcasts, not by books, not by schoolteachers in the homeschool coop, not by Lincoln Christian [school]. Not even by the Sunday School teachers here at Indian Hills Community Church. Did you catch that last part? Not even by the Sunday School teachers here at Indian Hills Community Church. Biblical parenting does not mean dropping off your child in one of our classrooms and outsourcing your duty and your role as a parent to one of our volunteers. Biblical parenting does not mean abandoning your responsibilities to train up your child in the ways of the Lord and instead pointing to the worksheet they filled out on Sunday morning or the craft they put together on a Wednesday night. Biblical parenting does not mean having your primary role as a parent, take a secondary role in the teaching and the training and the discipleship of your children. That belongs to you. No, the home is to be the child’s principal learning ground. As one old writer said, “houses are the nurseries of the church,” not the other way around. Meaning, it is your responsibility, Dad, Mom, to train your children in the scriptures. As the Spirit of God guides your conversations and as you point them to biblical truth. You don’t need to join a third home Bible study, or a second book study, or another men’s group or another women’s group, if you’re not first faithfully bringing up your children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” [Ephesians 6:4]

That was one long rabbit trail, but it was a rabbit trail with a purpose, I promise, namely, highlighting for all of us this morning, that here in Colossians 3:21, when Paul here speaks to fathers, and says, “do not exasperate your children,” he is assuming that these fathers will already be interested in and involved in the spiritual development and growth of their children. He is assuming that the fathers are already committed to bringing up their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” To those fathers, to Christian fathers, to otherwise faithful fathers, Paul here says, be careful. “Do not exasperate,” he says, “your children.”

Now we get to the heart of this command here, a command, we note, that’s written not to both parents, but specifically to fathers. And why, why only fathers? Well, in the Colossae of Paul’s day, the Roman law that governed at the time gave fathers unlimited power over his children, unlimited sway and influence over his children. Here’s what one ancient Roman historian says, he says, “The law… of the Romans gave virtually full power to the father over his son, whether he thought proper to imprison him, to scourge him, to put him in chains, and keep him at work in the fields, or [even] to put him to death.” So, fathers, in other words, had this natural amount of power and control and sway over their children in this part of the world in the first century. And Paul here, we note, doesn’t take his shot at reconfiguring parental roles, in general, in homes in the city at this time. Instead, he calls attention to one single action that the Christian fathers at Colossae were not to engage in, which was to exasperate their children.

That word exasperate is not really a word we use a whole lot in normal speech, in normal conversation, right? I was exasperated when the spider crawled across the floor. We don’t really use those words. I was scared! I ran! We’ll say other things. So, what does this mean? What does this word “exasperate” mean? Does it mean, on the one hand, that a father can never discipline his children? Is exasperation… are exasperation and discipline synonyms? No.
Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 29:17 says, “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul.” So, given those truths, exasperate does not mean discipline simply by virtue of the fact that discipline is commanded and exasperation is prohibited.

So, if exasperation is not synonymous with discipline does it relate to something else, like perhaps conflict, you know? Is exasperation referring to the fact that there is conflict between a parent and a child? Well, not exactly. Conflict may lead to the exasperation that’s spoken of here in verse 21, but it doesn’t necessarily have to lead there. Rather, if God’s standards are followed as He’s laid out those standards in His word, when conflict arises between a Christian parent and a Christian child, just like in any other conflict involving two Christians, there will be confession of sin, there will be forgiveness of sin, and there’ll be a forbearing spirit that allows parent and child to overlook that sin.

All that to say, this word “exasperate” in verse 21, has to mean something different than discipline, something different than mere conflict. So, again, what does it mean? Well, the word “exasperate” means to embitter. In fact, some of your translations might have it rendered that way, “to embitter.” It means to provoke, to irritate, to stir up, to agitate.

In fact, let’s take a few moments here to work through what exasperation looks like in a Christian home, biblically speaking, practically speaking. I’m going to list off, I don’t know how many ways, parents can exasperate their children. One is by way of lack of marital harmony. A home in which the mom and the dad are fighting like cats and dogs, or as Colossians 3:8 puts it, where the parent’s relationship is marked by “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech,” is already laying a foundation for an exasperated child. One who will grow up irritated and embittered in the midst of their agitated home. Here’s another one, crowning your child king; putting it another way, making the child the center of your home. Making everything about pampering your child, or planning your whole life around the child, or essentially letting your child run the show. That is only going to set that child up in the future for exasperation, as you’re putting weight on that child’s shoulders which they can’t bear, and they’ll eventually crumple under it. Another one is being an angry parent. A parent’s anger might come through in the sinful anger they demonstrate toward their spouse. Or the simple anger they express toward other family members. Or the sinful anger they express toward the church or church members. And certainly, the anger they express toward the child himself. And what we’ll see is that that anger will sow seeds of exasperation in that child as he never knows when mom is next going to erupt, and he never knows how hot dad is getting under that collar.

Being inconsistent is another one. Especially with discipline. Disciplining sometimes for a specific offense, but on other occasions not disciplining for that same offense. Sometimes disciplining with a level head, but other times disciplining sinfully in anger. To the child, it’s all this moving target that he doesn’t know he’s supposed to hit, so, becomes exasperated. Being unkind is another one. Under this would fall mocking your child, belittling your child, demeaning your child, ridiculing your child, which might take place inside the four walls of your home or, even worse, in front of others. In either case, eventually exasperates the child, it embitters him.

Here’s another one, being unfair. I know that’s an unfair word to use, “unfair,” but this would include things like setting unrealistic expectations: it’s a requirement of this home that you read Calvin’s Institutes by the time you are 7. Or being legalistic: if you haven’t read Calvin’s Institutes by the time you’re 7, well, can you really be sure you’re saved? Unfair comparisons to others: you know, little Stevie down the street, he read Calvin’s Institutes by the time he was 7. Or setting double standards: have I read Calvin’s Institutes? No. But you need to do as I say, not as I do.

Another one is being unrealistic: that includes giving children too much freedom, or too little freedom. Smothering your 17-year-old daughter can exasperate her. Putting an iPhone, which is like the digital version of crack cocaine, in the hands of your 6-year-old son can exasperate him. Being unrealistic also includes never admitting to your child that you are in the wrong. Never confessing your own sins and shortcomings. Never seeking forgiveness from them, for the ways you’ve sinned against them, so that they never get to witness from mom or dad, what true repentance looks like from a Christian.

Being uncharitable with your time, not spending time with your children, not playing with your children, not attending their games, going to their events. Being uncharitable with your attention, not making the time simply to talk to them, or to listen to them. Or when you do listen to them, listen to them in a very distracted way with, you know, a screen over here and an Air Pod in your ear. Or being uncharitable with your affection and admiration. Failing not only to give them physical affection, but failing to affirm them, and to encourage them, and to praise them, when they’ve done something worthy of encouragement and praise. Last way you can exasperate your child -- many more than this for sure -- is simply being ungodly. Which means everything from failing to keep your promises to your children to outright lying to your children, to being duplicitous in front of your children, as you put on a good show for everyone here at church, or in your home Bible study. But in the meantime, you’re a mean-spirited tyrant back at home. But our children, who are so perceptive, they can see through it all, and it embitters them.

So much more could be said on this topic of exasperation. But what I hope you’re hearing, is that to exasperate is not merely to bring about your daughter’s eye roll when you tell another corny dad joke. To exasperate is not to cause your son’s cheeks to flush with embarrassment where you wear that silly Crocs-with-socks get-up again. No. What is being pictured here in our text, verse 21, is the father who far from modeling what the bible mandates -- which is to foster an environment in which his children are spiritually nourished through a combination of biblical training and direction and instruction, correction and discipline in response to disobedience, and an ongoing display of the fruit of the Spirit, “love, joy, peace, patience…,” and all the rest -- Instead, fosters an environment in which he is habitually provoking his child, exasperating his child, which eventually leads to his child becoming discouraged and sullen and glum and listless and bitter and eventually, hopeless.

Which is why Paul says what he says here at the end of verse 21. He says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.” Why? “So that they will not lose heart.” That is the tragic endgame for the father who exasperates his children. That is the sad final warning that we see at the end of this section of Colossians. That through a father’s selfishness, through a father’s foolishness, through a father’s sin, through a father’s unreasonable nature, through his unloving character, through his ungodliness -- his own children, the ones he is called not only to protect and provide for, but the ones he’s called to spiritually mold and shape and influence, the ones he is called to tend and lead and guide -- will eventually become discouraged and dispirited and deflated and despondent, as they come to this place of realizing that they will never be able to hit the moving target of their father’s unreasonable and ever-changing demands. The child becomes like a twig, a twig, who though was designed to bend and be formed through godly influence and measured discipline, eventually breaks as they ‘lose heart.’

Fathers, a word to you, if I may, especially for you men, you fathers, who still have children in your home under your authority today. I get it. You’re under pressure to pay the bills, to make ends meet, deliver those presentations, to land those clients, to grow the business, to expand the footprint. You’re tired from another busy week, a few more of those sleep-deprived nights, the carousel of chores and maintenance, all the running around town all week. You’re serving here at church, some of you as elders, some of you as deacons, some of you as Sunday school teachers, many of you in various other capacities. You’re planning for the future, whether it be that date night with the wife, or which fork to take in the road, career-wise, how to plan for retirement. Fathers, hear me, on the authority of what we’ve worked through today. Don’t take your eye off the ball. Don’t lose sight of the precious children that God has entrusted to your care, whether right now they are at knee level or they’re at eye level. Don’t lose sight of the weighty stewardship with which you have been entrusted. Don’t forget Ephesians 6:4, which says, you are to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” And don’t forget our passage, Colossians 3:21, that you are to “not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

I’ll wrap it up this morning, just by noting that what we’ve seen here over these past few weeks in these few verses that we’ve gone through, has really been Paul sketching out what living in light of Christ’s preeminence… what it ought to do to the home, what it ought to look like in the home. It looks like wives being subject to their husbands, as is fitting in the Lord, verse 18.
It looks like husbands loving their wives and not being embittered against them, verse 19. And it looks like children being obedient to their parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. And it looks like fathers not exasperating their children, so that they will not lose heart. No book, no podcast, no program could say it any better. That is the essence of true family worship.

Let’s pray. Lord, thank You, as always, for the clear and powerful manner in which You have revealed Yourself through Your word. Thank You for the high call and responsibility You give to every believer to honor You with our very lives. It’s true of husbands, it’s true of wives, it’s true of single people, it’s true of grandparents, it’s true of widows, it’s true of widowers. And as we’ve seen today, it’s true of children and it’s true of parents. So, God, I pray that we who are believers in this room this morning would take these words to heart. That we be spurred on and convicted and motivated to do better by You whether children or parents. And God, I do pray, that if there’s anyone here this morning that is not a follower of Jesus Christ, they would not hear these words as some sort of artificial hoops they must jump through to get right with You, but rather, what they would hear right now and understand is that to be made right with You, the living God, to have their sins washed away and forgiven, to have their hope of eternal life secured, is to put their faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ, Your Son, on the cross. So, if there is anyone here that has not done that and put their faith in Christ, I pray that this would be their day of salvation. We thank You for this time together. We thank You for Your Son. It’s in His name we pray. Amen