Living a Single Life

Transcript

GR 712
6/9/1985
Living a Single Life
Matthew 19:10-12
Gil Rugh

In Matthew 19 Christ was instructing the people on the matter of marriage and divorce. The issue came up because the religious leaders challenged Him with a question regarding divorce and how it related to the plan of God. They asked if divorce was allowed for any cause at all.
Jesus told them that the real issue was the failure to understand and appreciate God’s purposes and plans in marriage. He took them back to Genesis 1 and 2 and showed that when God created humanity, He created a man and a woman and He joined them together in a permanent covenant relationship of oneness. Therefore, man does not have the authority to dissolve what God has established. Divorce conflicts with the plan of God. God intended that a man and a woman be bound together in marriage permanently in this life. Jesus said that the relationship can be broken when sexual unfaithfulness occurs because sexual unfaithfulness is sin. If it were not for sin, there would not be any divorce. God’s intention is that marriage be a permanent relationship. If a divorce does occur that is not a result of sexual unfaithfulness, there is forgiveness as there is for any sin. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin. God forgives it just as all sins are forgiven.
Jesus took a firm, hard, narrow approach to the issue of divorce. In Matthew 19:9 He concluded by saying, “And I say to you, ‘whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.’” His disciples responded in Matthew 19:10, “The disciples said to Him, ‘If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.’” Note that it was His disciples who responded this way, not the religious leaders or the people, but the disciples. Their comment was that if marriage is that binding, then it would be better to remain single. This shows how much the attitude of the day and the position of the world had affected even the disciples.
I decided when I was 20 that I was going to marry Marilyn, and we might live to be 90. That would mean we were going to be married for 70 years. That is a long time to be stuck with one dirty sinner. Think about it: two depraved, fallen, sinful human beings together for the next 70 years. No wonder the disciples’ attitude was that there were advantages to being single.
Christ’s response to this is interesting. He did not contradict them but told them not everyone can handle it. “But He said to them, ‘Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given’” (Matt. 19:11). There are some people who really distort the Scripture saying that this statement applies to marriage and divorce. They interpret this to mean that Christ gave the ideal that you ought not to divorce, but not everyone can accept this statement. But if you have studied the Scripture at all, you know that is not the way God gives His instructions. He does not tell men what to do and then say, “But not everybody wants to accept this, so that’s fine.”
What Christ said in Matthew 19:11 applies to the disciples’ statement in Matthew 19:10. So the disciples said “It is better not to marry,” and Christ said “not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.” Some people have the special ability and gift of God not to marry.
Christ did not argue about whether it is better not to marry. He stated that only those who have been specially gifted by God can accept that statement. Then in Matthew 19:12 He gave an explanation: “For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”
It is interesting to me that this is put in the context of what Christ said about marriage. He referred to the passages in Genesis 1 and 2 where God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). But in Matthew 19:11 he in effect agreed with the disciples that it is better not to marry. But only those who are gifted by God can accept that statement. If you are able to accept it, accept it. If you can lead a single life, do it. That is not putting down marriage but it is elevating the importance and privilege of a single life, referred to as being a eunuch.
This relates to what Paul said to the Corinthians and the fact that the ability to remain unmarried is tied to your sexual needs. Sex is not the only reason for marriage, but it is a basic reason for marriage as developed by Christ in Matthew 19 and by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7. All other needs, such as companionship, can be met to one degree or another outside of marriage, not to the depth that they can in marriage, but to some degree. But the sexual relationship can have no fulfillment outside the marriage relationship.
The reference to a eunuch being born that way from the mother’s womb could refer to being born with a physical infirmity that made the eunuch sexually impotent. The reference to those eunuchs who were made that way by men would refer to eunuchs as described in the Old Testament. The reference to eunuchs who made themselves that way for the sake of the kingdom of heaven would refer to those who choose to abstain from a sexual relationship and from marriage because it is only in marriage that the sexual relationship is to be fulfilled. The phrase, for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, refers to the fact that the priority of their lives is such that they are devoting all of their energy and attention to the things of God. That is the purpose of the single life, as we will see in a moment. “He who is able to accept this, let him accept it” (v. 12). That is all Christ has to say about the single life. Paul took that and unfolded it in detail over in 1 Corinthians 7.
It is important to look at the matter of being single from God’s perspective. Today it is viewed as something abnormal, but it is abnormal only from the standpoint that the majority of people will be married; a select few will remain unmarried. But the tendency is to look at it as though there is something wrong when a person is single. People tend to think that those who are single must be maladjusted; there must be something wrong with them. Then we want to push them off in their own group so they can resolve their problems. Often people develop the idea that being single is wrong or inferior. From God’s perspective, being single is abnormal from the standpoint that only a few are going to be functioning as singles in comparison to those who get married, but it is, if anything, an exalted position.
In 1 Corinthians 7:1 Paul started out by saying, “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.” The Corinthians had written to ask about the issues of marriage and sex. Paul said it is good for a man not to touch a woman, which is a euphemism for having sexual intercourse used in the Old Testament a number of times. So it is good for a man to not be sexually involved with a woman. “But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife; and each woman is to have her own husband.” The basic issues that Paul addressed were sexual purity and the need for sexual fulfillment. He said that if you have that need for sexual fulfillment, you must be married; otherwise you will fall into immorality. That does not mean that sex is the only reason for marriage, but it does mean that it is a basic one and it becomes a key. Has God gifted you to lead a single life? One key indication of that will be the strength of your sexual desires.
Paul continued in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 to talk about meeting one another’s needs within marriage in the area of sex. Then in 1 Corinthians 7:6 he acknowledged the need for the marriage relationship but did not command anyone to get married, “But this I say by way of concession, not of command.” And he said that his desire and preference would be that everyone was like himself, “Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that” (v. 7).

This was out-of-step with the thinking of the day, both his day and our day. The thinking of today is that everybody ought to be married, and if you find a young person who is not married, there will be some people who are consumed with trying to find a mate for him. They would really have had a hard time with the apostle Paul. His attitude was, “It’s all right that some of you are married, but it’s too bad that you can’t be like me, single, because this is better.” Paul did not say that being single was abnormal; he said it was preferable.
It is important to be careful to have a balance in studying the Scripture. If you study all that Scripture says about marriage and its advantages and its importance and that is all you study, you can come to the conclusion that anybody who is not married has something wrong with them and they have second best for their life. If you study what Paul says about being single and the advantages of being single and that is all you study, you will end up with an attitude that it is too bad for all those poor people who are married. You have to study both sides and appreciate that God’s purposes are different for different people.
So after Paul said that he wished that all men were single like him, he continued, “However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that” (v. 7). There is the key. It is special ability from God. God enables you for one thing and He enables me for another thing, one in this manner and another in that manner. So it is God’s intention for some to be married and it is God’s intention for others not to be married. The word “gift” is the same word Paul uses for the gifts over in 1 Corinthians 12-14 referring to charismatic gifts. God’s special enablements in His grace differ from person to person. We as believers need to see that and appreciate it and function in light of it.
Paul told the widow or widower and the single person that it was good for them to remain that way, “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I” (1 Cor. 7:8). How was Paul? He was single. He did not say they have to remain that way. He said that it is good for them if they remain that way. “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor. 7:9). If you are burning with passion, if you have that strong need for sexual fulfillment, you ought to be married. God does not put a premium on the fact that I have that strong need for sexual fulfillment but I think I am going to tough it out by not getting married. It is arrogance to think that you are above having to fulfill those kinds of desires, and Paul says that you would be running against God’s plan for you. The fact that you have that desire and that need is indicative that it is God’s intention for you to be a married person because those desires can only be met in the marriage relationship.
In 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 Paul gave instructions to the married people as noted in the previous study. After having given them instructions, he gave some very important principles before his discussion of being single. These are principles that not only affect marriage and the single life, but other areas as well. First Corinthians 10:17 says, “Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk.” Verse 20: “Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called.” Verse 24: “Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.” That is the principle which Paul said was operating.
The Corinthians had gotten confused. At Corinth, immorality was rampant as part of the false pagan worship system. Temple priestesses who practiced religious prostitution were a major part of the pagan worship of Corinth. Some of those who were saved out of that system had associated sex with something dirty and defiling. Some believers even do so today because of the way the world handles sex. So the Corinthians thought it would be better not to be involved sexually because sex is something dirty. That affected their marriages. They thought that even though they were married, it would be better not to have a sexual relationship as a husband and wife but to have an aesthetic lifestyle. That can have some appeal as seeming spiritual. But Paul said that was not the case at all. He said that as God has assigned to you or as God has called you, that is how you live. The call of God refers to your salvation, and He has assigned to you certain abilities and that is how you are to live.
Paul’s statement in 1 Corinthians 7:20, “each man must remain in that condition in which he was called,” stresses the point as it relates to being married or single that you do not have to change just because you have become a believer. In other words, if you are married and you become a Christian, that does not mean it would be better to be single after you become a Christian. Becoming a Christian does not affect that one way or the other. That principle was applied by Paul to other things like slavery in 1 Corinthians 7:21.
This is one of the most important sections in the New Testament on Christianity and social issues. Paul in effect said that becoming a believer does not necessarily change anything socially, not even slavery. If you want to talk about the social impact of the gospel, you ought to keep this section in mind. Some people have a strong emphasis today on social conditions that ought to be changing in light of the Word of God. You know what Paul said? It does not have anything to do with social conditions. The gospel changes you on the inside. That does not mean that after I become a believer I cannot be a slave to men because I am a slave only to God. Paul said if you become a believer while a slave, it ought to make you a better slave to men than you were before because you have been set free spiritually in Christ. So consider this carefully. A lot of people twist the application of this Scripture. Christianity does not change the social condition necessarily although there may be results: As people get saved, they change the way they live personally and that naturally has a social impact. But society in and of itself does not necessarily change unless there is a major turning to Christ by a number of the people in that society.
Paul began his instructions in 1 Corinthians 7:25 for those who are single with “Now concerning virgins.” Basically he said that since you understand that becoming a believer does not necessarily mean you change your social condition, for example, being married or being single, he was ready to address singles.
He said, “Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy” (v. 25). In 1 Corinthians 7:40 he said something similar, “But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God.” Some people decide they do not have to listen to what Paul said in these verses because he is just telling what he thinks, not what God says. I do not agree. What Paul meant is that God had not spoken to this subject directly before. Christ did not address this subject. All Christ said about the single life is contained in Matthew 19:11-12, and there is not much discussion in that passage. But Paul said he wanted to tell them what he thought about it and he thought he had the Spirit of God. Since it is contained as part of the inspired Scripture, it was the Spirit of God speaking through Paul.
So what does God have to say about being single? Paul continued in 1 Corinthians 7:26-28, “I
think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has
not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.”
Paul said the present distress has to be taken into account. This could be talking about particular problems at Corinth, such as a particular pressure they are under; or present distress can carry the idea of impending distress. Perhaps Paul could see that the persecution was going to come and there would be special pressures for those who had a family and therefore it would be better if they abstained from marrying, or if they were married, they have to remain married. But he said at the end of verse 28, “such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.” That is the principle. The present distress is if you get married you will have trouble.
That may sound a little bit negative, but think about it. If mass persecution would begin for all those who were believers and people were going to be martyred for their faith, those who are married and have a family know the added pressure they would have. What would be the first thing that would come to your mind? “I wonder about my children. I wonder about my wife or my husband.” That would become a greater concern than caring for yourself. If you live in a time of persecution and trial, having a family adds to the burdens and the worries that you have. Those who do not have a family do not have that pressure. I think that it is more probable that what Paul was talking about was not just the persecution that was characteristic at Corinth, but the general situation of the day.
Jesus said in John 16:33, “In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” We as believers have victory in Christ but in the world we are going to be under pressure. Paul wrote to Timothy and said, “All who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Tim. 3:12). So if I am going to live a godly life and my life is going to be a testimony for Christ, that is going to bring pressure and persecution. And if I have a family, that just adds to the pressure because then I will worry about my wife and the pressure and persecution that will to come to her; and what about my children and the pressure that will be brought to bear on them and the suffering that they will have to go through. As a believer in a hostile environment, being married is going to bring added pressure, added suffering, and added tribulation. The concern of my life is to live a godly life and that will bring persecution to me and to my family.
Paul went on to add another principle in 1 Corinthians 7:29-31, “But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away.” At the beginning of verse 29 he said, “The time has been shortened.” At the end of verse 31 he said, “The form of this world is passing away.” That is his point: the shortness of time. First he told of the distress that characterizes this world for believers. Secondly, he told of the shortness of time as believers are living their lives. The things that characterize this life are in the process of passing and that puts marriage and possessions in proper perspective.

Some people give their lives to the amassing of possessions. The futility of this was impressed on me during the trip we made to Israel and Egypt. We visited a lot of ruins. We visited the ruins of the Roman civilization and went in to visit the area where the Roman Senate met, the central part of the empire. This was the strongest empire that ruled the world. But now there are some stones that are left standing and a couple of columns. It is a ruin. The palaces that kings have made as a tribute to themselves dwindle to a couple of columns, a few blocks of stone, and a few pieces of mosaic. This emphasizes that no matter how much emphasis you put on trying to make yourself known and durable, with the passing of time all that is left is ruins. We visited the treasures of Tutoncamin: room after room after room of treasures buried with him and he was so young when he died-- only 18 or 19. The sarcophagus he was buried in was 200 pounds of solid gold. It laid in that tomb for thousands of years. Nobody ever heard of Tutoncamin until they turned up his tomb. He is a minor nobody.
We went to the pyramids, and some people climbed up into the inside of the great pyramid. They said that all that is in there is a big empty room. The ruler builds this huge pyramid as a grave and a monument to himself. It took 20 years to build it. Then grave robbers came in and stole his body and nobody even knows where it is. The pyramid is just a big pile of stones and a reminder of the transitory nature of the things of this life.
Paul said this whole life is like that. It is short. The form of this world is passing away and the things of this world. What foolishness for people to devote their lives to the amassing of possessions. You don’t have enough time to devote your life to the things of this life. That is Paul’s emphasis.
Marriage is another one of the characteristics of this life. There is coming a time when it won’t matter whether you were married or not married because Jesus said that in the resurrection we will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In 100 years it will not matter whether you were married or not. In eternity it will not matter whether you were married or not so don’t get too occupied with getting married. Marriage is important and it has a place. But if you are single you do not have to feel like you are missing out on everything. Paul says that life is short and marriage is not one of the things that will really matter in light of eternity. I realize that this is hard for us to grasp, particularly those of us who are married. It seems like life revolves around my wife or my husband and my family. It is hard to picture heaven without them. But I know what the Word of God says, there will not be marriage in heaven, so it is characteristic of the transitory life on this earth.
Paul was a man of single focus. He said everything should be seen in light of my relationship to Christ and in light of the fact that He is coming again. I have to measure everything based on how can I be most effective for Jesus Christ. How can I devote the most amount of my energy and the most amount of time to be most effective for Him? Paul says that time is short and marriage takes time and draws my attention.
Paul elaborated this a little bit in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34, “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Paul gave some insight into marriage. As a married man, I am to be occupied, preoccupied, with meeting my wife’s needs. That is biblical. I cannot give the full amount of my attention to serving the Lord. My concern over how I can best serve the Lord, the opportunities for me to minister the Word, and my involvement in evangelism has to be tempered with the fact that I have to fulfill the responsibilities I have to my wife as a husband. I am not free as Paul was to look over the world and decide that there are cities where people need to hear the gospel and need to be built up in the Word and then take off on a missionary tour for six months, a year, or two years. No, I have a wife and a family so I can not do that. I will just stay in this town and teach Bible study six nights a week. No, I can not do that either, because I have to spend time with my wife in meeting her needs and I have to spend time with my children in meeting their needs. So my family begins to distract me, not in a wrong sense, but in a very real sense.
For the one who is unmarried, what does he have to think about? Well, he has to be sure he has enough to eat and clothes to wear. If he wants to stay out till 2 a.m. teaching people the Word any night or every night, that is fine. As a single person, he can have an undistracted devotion to the Lord. I do not have undistracted devotion to the Lord; my focus is on serving the Lord and meeting the needs of my family.
Paul said it is an advantage to be unmarried in that context. 1 Corinthians 7:35, “This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.” Paul’s main concern was not how to most effectively serve the Lord with the least distraction. A wife is a distraction. A husband is a distraction. If you were to just study 1 Corinthians 7, you would come to the conclusion that it is too bad for those who had to get married. They are distracted.
Some of us have been talking about it in the last few weeks. It is easy to be involved in lots of good things. Sunday night is service at church and Bible study one night and a Timothy group another night and choir rehearsal another night. Then I realize that I do not have enough time for my family. That is a problem. So what do I have to do? I have to back up and back off. Those who are single do not have to worry about that. There is no wife telling you not to be out another night of the week. There is no husband wanting his needs to be met. It is a terrible disadvantage to be married. But I am glad I studied this passage because I go back and read the first part: you have to remain in the condition you are and I am married. So, even though there are advantages to being single, I have to remain married.
In 1 Corinthians 7:36, Paul gave some instruction to parents. In biblical times, the father arranged the marriage. There are advantages to that. It is such an important decision, and it is often made when you are too young to know better. The principle Paul established ought to be in effect even though parents do not arrange the marriage today, and that is that young people ought to be very careful in following the advice of godly parents as they look for a partner.
Paul said, “But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry” (1 Cor. 7:36). The context is a father who has a daughter and the father takes into account her situation and her needs. So, if she needs to be married, proceed. Paul said it is not sin to get married.
Some may try to tell people that if they really loved the Lord, if they had their priorities right, and if they really wanted to give their full attention and full energies to serving Jesus Christ, they would skip marriage. There is an element of truth to that as we have seen. But God has not gifted everybody in the same way, and that means that some people can not do that even though there are advantages to it and I have to appreciate that.
Paul put it in an interesting way. “But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better” (1 Cor. 7:37-38). Paul did not say that it is wrong to get married. He said it is good to get married. But it is better not to get married if you are gifted and enabled by God to lead a single life. That is the condition here. I think this is important because it is just the reverse of the way we view single life today.
What often happens in the church? We take the singles and isolate them in a group for singles. That way the singles can help one another with their problems. Too often we think that being 35 and single must mean that there are personality problems and they must need counseling. Paul would have a hard time understanding that because he said it is too bad you all can’t be single. He would say that the married people have problems that the singles do not have and if anybody needs some counseling it is probably the married folk. There is probably more marriage counseling than single counseling, so he is right. We need to see it from God’s perspective and appreciate the fact that there are some people that God has given a special ability and that means they are going to have time and energy to devote to the service of the Lord that those who are married do not have.
I do not have any problem with the singles getting together as a group, but I also believe that they ought to be mixed in through the church body. Singles will be leading the way in many areas. They are going to be those who have the time to do more Bible study than I have and more evangelism and to be ministering to more people. So they are going to be leading the way in many areas. I do not want to isolate them from the rest of the body. Paul led the way. Why? Because when others were home taking care of their wife and kids, he was out serving the Lord. So we need to appreciate this and encourage them.
I need to keep that in mind with my own children. We raise our young people to think that if they do not get married, then something is wrong with them. Then when they get to marriageable age and they are not dating or making steps to prepare themselves for marriage, we want to imply to them that something is wrong. It is no wonder that a single person begins to think of themselves as someone who is out of step and thus in a wrong position. I am praying for my children. But I need to be careful. I am praying for a godly wife for my son, a godly husband for my daughter; but do I also pray, “God, if you in Your grace have seen fit to gift them to lead a single life, help me to encourage them to be most effective in that area.” We as parents need to have a biblical perspective on this.
Singleness in and of itself, celibacy in and of itself, does not make you effective for the Lord any more than any other gift does. You may have the gift of showing mercy so that God has given you a special ability to show mercy, but you know what? That does not mean that you exalt and honor Jesus Christ. You honor and exalt Jesus Christ when you exercise that gift. There are many Christians who are single but they are not using the added time they have to commit themselves more fully to serving Jesus Christ. They are frittering away their time. So being single is an asset. It is a blessing from God. But it exalts and honors God only when you use it for Him. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul puts singleness in the context of giving you added time and energy for serving Jesus Christ. So my understanding would be that the singles who are functioning biblically will probably be accomplishing more than those of us who are married because they do not have the added duties of the family.
Paul concluded in 1 Corinthians 7:39, “A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” Note first of all the principle that in marriage you are bound to one another. Paul talked about that earlier in his discussion of marriage. Death frees you from the obligations of that marriage relationship. If your husband or your wife dies, you are free to get married again, remarried. Note the second principle, only in the Lord. And that is true whether you have been married before and are now a widow or a widower or you have never been married.
As a believer you can only get married to a believer. That is simple. But there are certain implications of that. That means I can only prepare for marriage with a believer. That says something then about whom my children can date. I am responsible for them as long as they are in my home. That means they are not allowed to date unbelievers. Dating is a preparatory process. That does not mean you are going to marry everybody you date, but it is the first step. If you do get married, it will start out with a date and a second and a third. And after several dates an emotional attachment develops and we lose our ability to be discerning. After you get emotionally attached, then you find excuses. And the excuses started when you began dating that unbeliever. “I’m going to be a good testimony to her.” “Maybe the Lord will use me to lead him to the Lord.”
The problem develops if we start off in an unbiblical track. According to 2 Corinthians 6 you can only be yoked together with believers. Although Paul was talking about relationships in a broader context than marriage, marriage is the most binding of all human relationships, so I cannot be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever in marriage above all things. That means, then, I cannot even be dating an unbeliever because the end result of dating over time will be marriage.
Remember my pastor, Lehmann Strauss, when I was in the Philadelphia area, he had been lead to the Lord by his wife. It started out because he asked her out for a date. She told him, “You’re not a believer. I can’t date you.” He said, “I’d like to see you.” She said, “I go to church. Come to
church and see me.” He didn’t like it but he did it, and she didn’t date him. But he came to church and he got saved and then she dated him. Then they got married. We need to be careful we do things God’s way.
Not only do they have to be a believer, they have to be a believer living for the Lord. According to 2 Thessalonians 3:6, if anyone does not obey the instructions of the Word of God, you are to have nothing to do with that person. So not only does the person you are going to marry have to be a believer, but also they have to be a believer living in submission to the Word of God.
This will take care of some problems for parents. If the young person your son or daughter is dating says he has trusted Christ as his Savior but his life is not being lived according to the Word, then he is not an eligible candidate for marrying your son or daughter. They need to date a believer who is living his or her life in submission to the Word of God. Sometimes young people start dating a person who professes to be a believer but the person’s life is contrary to the Word and they think, “at least he’s a believer.” Then they marry and find out he wasn’t a believer at all. That’s why his life wasn’t according to the Word. He simply made an empty profession.
So Paul said the widow is free to remarry, but only in the Lord. “But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God” (1 Cor. 7:40). Paul talking to widows said you are free to get married but there are benefits in remaining single. You have to decide. As a widow you have time you did not have before to devote to serving the Lord. How can you become more effective in serving Him?
How does this fit what Paul wrote to Timothy in 1Timothy 5:14, “Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach”? Put the two together. Paul is saying that the younger widows are going to have sexual needs so they ought to get remarried. For widows that are older, the sexual desire is better controlled with the passing of time and they are in more of a position to decide not to remarry. That does not mean that a widow or widower at age 70 who decides to remarry sins. It is an open issue between them and the Lord.
It is a matter of appreciating one another. God has gifted you differently than He has gifted me. Not everyone is given the gift of pastor-teacher. Not everyone is given the gift of showing mercy. Not everyone is given the gift of celibacy. I have to appreciate that fact. God has given you a gift that will make you especially effective for Him. Praise God. He has given some in this body the gift of celibacy, the ability to lead a single life. Maybe God will give you a partner in five years, one year, or ten years. I don’t know. But you have to decide given where you are that you will serve God. If God has not seen fit to give you a partner at this point, ask Him to help you devote your energies to serving Him in the fullest possible way. That should be our attitude whether we are married or single. In God’s time if He desires for you to be married that will be clear. If you have the strong need for sexual fulfillment, that is an indication that you should begin to look for the mate that God has provided. If He has given you the ability to live without that, maybe you ought to consider it. Perhaps you can be most effective by remaining single.