Marriage or the Single Life?

Transcript

GR 1318
02-26-06
Marriage or the Single Life?
I Corinthians 7:6-9
Gil Rugh

We're going to I Corinthians 7 in your Bibles. We're talking about a very crucial area, we're talking about the whole matter of God's plan in marriage, God's plan for sexual fulfillment in marriage. We'll be into matters relating to the single life, and the married life and the pros and cons. We'll be dealing with matters of divorce, matters of divorce relating to two believers, matters of divorce and marriage relating to a believer and an unbeliever, matters of great importance and great interest. The whole area of morals is a constant pressure point for the church. We think that things have changed and things are new, but in the times that Paul is writing the letter to the Corinthian church, they were times of moral decadence and decay. In fact, if anything, there were greater marriage problems than we have today. You know you could get a divorce in Paul's day by just declaring to your spouse that the marriage was over. You didn't have to go to court, you didn't have to get a lawyer, you didn't have to go through legal work. You just declared this marriage as ended, it is over, we are divorced. And we think that only the men could do that, but divorce was as common among women as among men. I was doing some reading this week, there were some women who had 20 husbands. I mean, let's face it, how many times would you have been divorced and married if all you had to say was, it's over, you're outta' here and let's move on.

So those kind of things press in. We think today it's the environment in which we live and the day in which we live. Understand, our day wouldn't be as bad as Paul's day. The whole issue of morality.............. I came across an article, in fact I was just reading it last night after I had prepared the message and I thought this section pertained. Very prominent music group in our day, every single one of you would know them if I mentioned them, but I'm not going to mention them right now. But the leaders of this group, the leader and one of his key singers, met with a woman, her name is Marcia Stevens. She is the lesbian author of the popular gospel song, For These Tears I Died. She has a ministry called BALM. You know what it stands for? Born again lesbian music. Now is that not an oxymoron? Born again lesbian music. That's sad enough, but she attended a performance of this singing group and had opportunity to meet with the leader and one of the key singers. And the one key singer said that (and this comes from her own website) he was proud of what she is doing. Surprised, she said, you know what I'm doing now? He replied, I sure do, and I wish the fundamentalists would find Jesus. They're going to have a lot to answer for, leaving out people that Jesus died for.

You see the attitude there is those who would oppose and speak against homosexuality are the fundamentalists, and they need to find Jesus. And God is going to hold them accountable for speaking out against homosexuality. Now there is no question here, if we believe God forgives those guilty of the sin of homosexuality, He forgives those who are adulterers, He forgives liars, He forgives murderers, He forgives thieves, He's forgiven us. But that is different than condoning sin and even saying that sin is acceptable among believers. This is the kind of issue that Paul dealt with in I Corinthians 5, where the church thought that it had matured and could accept immorality without getting upset and dealing with it.

The leaders of this music group, and it's Bill and Gloria Gaither, came over and told her that they, too, appreciate her ministry today. A photo at Stevens' website shows her and her lesbian partner with Bill Gaither and Mark Lowery. The last part of the concert that night, Gaither invited the crowd to sing along with them in For Those Tears I Died. Then he said, you know the young woman who wrote that song is here with us tonight. Maybe you are like she was and you've heard about God and He would reject you for who you are, or might turn you away for something you've done or where you've come from. Well I want you to know that I don't know that God. The only God I know is the one in this song that she wrote, the one that says, I'm right here for you. The One who sent His Son, the One who says, you are my child, I love you, come stand by my side. There is an element of truth in here. He does invite the homosexual to come, He does not permit the homosexual to continue in their sin. Remember I Corinthians 6:9? Do not be deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, thieves, covetous, drunkards, swindlers will inherit the kingdom. Such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

I don't say that to attack a particular ministry, I share that with you to remind you how acceptable certain immoral conduct is becoming. And it's become acceptable to the point that if you speak against it from the Bible, you are a fundamentalist that needs to really come to know Jesus. And He's going to hold you accountable for that attitude. Now the material I'm going to share with you, I prepared before I read this article, so I don't want you to think I'm off track.

Hebrews 4:12 is a verse that many of you have memorized. It says, the Word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing as far as the division of the soul and spirit and joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intentions of the heart. There is a God who has revealed Himself and made Himself known. That revelation is what we have as our Bible. The Bible does not contain the Word of God, the Bible is the Word of God. And it is alive and powerful, and it reveals the thoughts and intentions of our heart and makes us known for what we are. Jesus said in His high priestly prayer to His Father in John 17:17, your Word is truth. Now you understand, in spite of the thinking of the day, since God's Word is truth, everything that is opposed to God's Word is false, it is in error, it is not true. Otherwise truth is irrelevant, it is meaningless, it's just a subjective concept of being whatever I want it to be. And no one lives that way. Everyone in our society believes certain things are right and certain things are wrong, certain things are true and certain things are false. We simply have a standard outside of ourselves what God Himself has said.

Isaiah the prophet wrote hundreds of years before Christ came to earth, Isaiah 8:20, to the law and to the testimony, if they do not speak according to this word, it is because they have no dawn. The law and the testimony, that was the Word of God as Isaiah had it at that point in time. If they don't speak according to the Word of God, it is because they have no dawn, no light. They had no light, they are in spiritual darkness. You see, the standard is the Word of God.

Turn over to I Thessalonians 4. We've been to this passage because Paul in I Thessalonians 4 is talking about the matter of sexual immorality. In verse 3 he says, this is the will of God. Do you want to know the will of God? Turn to the Word of God. This is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality. Then after he discusses that whole matter he says in verse 8, so he who rejects this is not rejecting man, but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you. Now I want you to note, you cannot reject the Word of God without rejecting the God whose Word this is. He who rejects this is not rejecting man, he is rejecting God, the God who is the Savior and gives His Holy Spirit to those who turn from their sin and believe in His Son.

Turn over to II Timothy 2:15, be diligent to present yourself approved to God. Paul writing to Timothy his last letter before his execution. Be diligent, apply yourself strenuously to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the Word of truth. For us to be approved by God and not be ashamed before Him means we have to handle correctly His Word. My fear is that the church today handles the Word of God lightly. Oh we don't overtly deny it, we just basically ignore it. We like nice little sermons that will help us through the week, give us some practical insights, maybe summarize some biblical passages. But you understand, we have to be diligent, we have to apply ourselves strenuously to the study of the Word of God so that God will approve us because we are handling His Word accurately.

This is crucial as we come back to I Corinthians 7. We're talking about God's standard for morality, we're talking about God's standard for marriage, and we have to be careful because we get emotionally involved in this and begin to think, well I don't think that's right. And besides, this is generally accepted today and even a lot of Christians accept it and think it's all right, so why do we have to be so narrow? Why do we have to be fundamentalists who are calling everything sin? We're not calling everything sin, we're only pointing out what God calls sin as sin and declaring the hope that you can have forgiveness of sin, freedom from slavery to sin, and become a new person by believing in Jesus Christ.

At the end of I Corinthians 6 Paul talked about the matter of immorality and showed it is completely contrary to God's plan. And then in the first 5 verses of chapter 7 he deals with what has turned in to be a very popular message—sex in marriage. And it is a relief, isn't it, in our day to realize God wants us to enjoy sex. He gave sex for our pleasure and fulfillment. The problem is not that sex is dirty, sex is defiling, sex is something to be avoided if at all possible. Sex is something beautiful, sex is part of God's plan. The problem is God's plan is that we find sexual enjoyment and pleasure and fulfillment only in the marriage relationship. What is defiling about sex is when it is practiced or carried on outside of marriage. It is always defiling, it is always polluting. And as we saw at the end of I Corinthians 6, any sex outside of marriage on the part of a Christian is the worse of the worst, because it takes that which is joined to Christ and enjoins it to an immoral relationship. How can anyone act as though they are being loving and kind and accepting when they are giving approval of sexual immorality, and at the same time claim to be serving the Lord? We understand, he who rejects God's Word, rejects God. That means if I am not serving Him, I am opposing Him, rejecting Him and rebelling against Him.

God's plan for sexual fulfillment is the marriage relationship. God's plan for mankind generally is the marriage relationship. The problem we have in the world is people have rejected the Bible and yet not openly declared often that they have rejected the Bible. You have to go back to Genesis 1, I realize this is review but it is foundational to everything Paul is going to be saying about marriage, about divorce and so on. Genesis 1:26, God said, let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. And let them rule over the rest of creation. So verse 27, God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them. You'll note that it was in the beginning that God called the human race mankind, man. We think that it's men, males trying to assert themselves today, but in Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image. And that's man speaking of the human race. That includes male and female. He created man in His own image, male and female He created them. God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. That's a summary of the creation. Now what chapter 2 does is go back and fill in the details, not of the creation of the animals, not of the creation of the waters and the sky and that, just the creation of man, male and female.

So in verse 7 of chapter 2 God formed the man of the dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. Man became a living being. Verse 18, then the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be along, I will make a helper suitable for him. You'll note, God says in verse 18, it is not good for the man to be alone. Verse 31 of chapter 1 of Genesis ended, God saw all that He had made, behold it was very good. But that included the summary of His creation of man, male and female. Now as you unfold the details, when you get to the point in the unfolding creation of God that He has created the male, He says, it is not good yet, it's not complete. My plan is not yet what I intend it to be. I don't intend the man to be alone, and so He makes the woman as the complement to the man, the helper fitted to him. Verse 21, God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept. He took one of his ribs, closed up the flesh of that place, the Lord fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and brought it to the man. Man was made from the dust, the woman was made from the man. They start out as a unity, created in the image of God. The man said, this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. For this reason the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, they shall become one flesh. That's foundational to everything. We don't believe in marriage because of its sociological value, the physiological values, it psychological values. We believe in marriage because it is God's revealed plan. And it is a relationship between a man and a woman, not between a man and a man and a woman and a woman. Why is there so much issue over marriage and so much opposition to it, and why do we feel like now you turn on television and everybody has to flout the homosexual lifestyle? Because we have rejected God. That is not surprising. The world is under the domination of the god of this world, Satan, in opposition to God. But the church of Jesus Christ is a different entity in the world, to be living in obedience to God, faithfulness to God, proclaiming a message of forgiveness to sinful people, but never proclaiming a message of the acceptance of sin by a holy God. We have a God who is willing to cleanse from sin, but a God who will fiercely, without mercy, bring judgment on sinners. And Revelation 14 says there will come a day when sinners will be judged before Him in the cup of His anger mixed full strength without mercy, and be sentenced to an eternal hell. Serious matter. A forgiving God, a loving God, a gracious God, a merciful God, yes. A God of justice, a God of judgment, a God of anger, a God of wrath, yes. That's why we exhort people to cast themselves on the mercy of God and experience His forgiveness, lest you be left to absorb the fullness of His anger.

Come over to I Corinthians 7. Everything we're going to say about marriage will be founded on what God said in Genesis 1-2. Everything Jesus Christ taught on the subject of marriage as we'll see in Matthew 5, Matthew 19 and Mark 10 is founded on the opening chapters of Genesis. Paul has revealed that God's plan is marriage and God's plan is that the sexual desires that He has implanted in a man and implanted in a woman find fulfillment in the pleasure of being joined as one physically in expressing the oneness that God has brought about in joining them as husband and wife. And that's where we give ourselves without restraint to enjoy the pleasures of sex in a relationship as husband and wife. Anything outside of marriage is sin and is a rebellious act against God.

Now he's going to pick up in verse 6, talk about related matters. He's going to talk about the matter of celibacy, he's going to lead into the matter of divorce—divorce among two believers, the issue of marriage and divorce when you have a believer married to an unbeliever. We're not going to get through all of this, but so you know where we're going. He'll talk extensively about the single life, pros and cons, as we move on into the chapter. So very important material for the way we live our lives.

Verse 6 says, but this I say by way of concession, not of command. I take it that is what he has been talking about in the first 5 verses about marriage. He said in verse 1, it's good not to touch a woman, not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of immorality each is to have his own wife, each her own husband. But that does not mean everyone must get married. Now he says, I say this by concession, that's not well, if you can't do any better, get married. The word concession means an allowance. What Paul is going to go on to say is getting married is fine, in fact that is God's plan for most of you. But you know there is something even better than marriage. Now if you have strong sexual desires, you should be married. If you are married, you have an obligation placed on you by God to fulfill your responsibilities sexually to your partner. To not do that would be an act of rebellion against God, because God said that's a responsibility you owe to your mate. When you enter into marriage, remember, your body doesn't belong to you, it belongs to your spouse. And this is not true just for men and the women are for the men, but it is also true for the women. The body of the husband belongs to the wife, it's for her pleasure and sexual fulfillment.

But I say this by way of concession, not of command. And he has given several commands, three particularly in those opening 5 verses. But that doesn't mean everyone has to get married. There is provision for that, and a provision that enables you to enjoy sexual fulfillment and satisfaction. Yet, verse 7, I wish that all men were even as I myself am. Interestingly, Paul would say marriage is fine and God has provided for marriage. You know what? I wish you could all be single like me. Now note, he doesn't say everyone ought to be single like me, but I do wish that all were like me. Now he doesn't go into all the details here of why, he'll talk about that more when you get down to verse 32. I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. The one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. His interests are divided. Then he goes on to talk about the single life. And that's true. If you're married, we already talked in the first 5 verses, you have responsibilities to your spouse, to your husband, to your wife. If you're single you don't have to take that into consideration. Paul could pour himself into the ministry “full time.” He didn't have to worry about getting home in the evening because he had a wife and children waiting who needed his attention. He could take off on a missionary trip, didn't have to wonder, what's my wife going to think? How are we going to take care of the home? It's just not an issue, I can go. Along the way he gets imprisoned and has to spend months or years in prison. That's all right, don't have to be worried, what about my wife and what are we going to do. Just a non-issue.

So when Paul talked about the single life, as we'll see when we get there, it's always in the context of the advantages it gives you for ministry. Never on a selfish level, I just don't want responsibility, I just don't want to be burdened with having to take care of a wife or a husband. I don't want the responsibility of it, I don't want......... That's not it, as we'll see. It's a matter of what enables you to serve the Lord more. Paul says, I would wish that all men were even as I am. And you read the commentaries on this, most of them will go off on a discussion of whether Paul was ever married or not. There are those who are absolutely convinced he was, there are those who are absolutely convinced he wasn't, and there are those who say we just don't know. And I tend to be in those who just say we just don't know, but I tend toward that he wasn't. But it's safe ground to say we don't know. He never says. We draw it from implications, well he was part of the Sanhedrin and if he's part of the Sanhedrin you need to be married. Well, could he have been a respected Pharisee and not be married, because some of the writings of the Pharisees say any man who is not married is not a complete man, and on you go. Trying to read, I read one well-known commentator who says in his exposition of this passage, it just makes clear and settled that Paul was married. As I've gone back through it a number of times, I don't find that clarity. Those who give reasons why they think he was, that's fine. The point is that at this point Paul is single and all his writing and illustrations are from the perspective of a single man.

So I wish that all men were even as I am, however, but each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, another in that. Absolutely crucial. Paul sees celibacy as a gift from God, a special enablement from God. So the normal pattern is you are going to need sexual fulfillment, you are going to need a husband or wife. Unless God does something special in your life, giving you a special gift. And the word each has his gift is the word charisma. The Greek word for grace is charis. We talk about charismatic gifts, this word will be used repeatedly in I Corinthians 12 when Paul talks about the grace gifts. In I Corinthians 1:7 he told the Corinthian church in the opening part of his letter, you come behind in no gift, no charisma. Talking about a gift that comes from God on the basis of His grace. So Paul says each man has his own gift from God. I have a gift of celibacy that enables me to live a single life. Someone else has a different gift, someone else has a different gift. Then you live according as God has given to you, not according as God has given to someone else.

One writer noted three implications from Paul saying that celibacy is a grace gift. 1) Living a celibate life is not primarily a personal preference, nor is it something that demonstrates you have superior mastery over your body. Some of the ascetics in past church history thought that living a celibate life demonstrated you had more control over the passions of life. It illustrates nothing of the sort. The celibate life is simply a manifestation of God's special enabling grace given to a person for His purposes. Not that that person is some kind of superior spiritual person. Paul wasn't superior to Peter because Peter had a wife. Paul was gifted differently than Peter and it's a gift of grace, so it's not something you earn or deserve or merit. 2) All the gifts are given for the building up of the body. We'll get into this when we get into chapter 12. That means if God does bestow His grace for a celibate life to enable a person to live without the responsibility of a marriage relationship, it wasn't so that person could be free from responsibility. We'll get into this when we talk about the single life further on in chapter 7. It is so that you can serve God more effectively. The world thinks of the single life, it just gives you the freedom to party and have a good time and not be responsible. That's never a biblical consideration, because our lives belong to the Lord, these bodies are His. And any gifts He bestows upon us are so that we can serve Him more fully and more effectively. And Paul's gift of celibacy, we can all appreciate that. Without restraint, without restriction, without limitation he could serve the Lord. Paul will refer in a little bit later in this letter that the other apostles lead about a wife. He had that right, but he didn't have to do it. And Paul could be thankful he didn't have to take his wife everywhere he went. Read about what happened to him in II Corinthians, how many times he was beaten and shipwrecked and so on, and you want to be worried about your wife? And here you are floating in the ocean as he did three times and you have to wonder, did my wife get her board? Now you're going to prison, now you're going to be beaten. It's one thing when you and Silas are beaten together, it's another thing if your wife is there being beaten. So you can see being free from those responsibilities enabled him to serve more fully. But God's grace gifts are never given for selfish purposes, so I can live for me more fully. 3) And Paul by his own example indicates he doesn't expect everyone else to have this gift, so there is no pressure on others. He states the advantages to leading a celibate life, but he's already made clear and he's going to repeat it, it's not for those who have strong sexual desires. That indicates God hasn't given you the gift that I have.

So verse 8, but I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain as I do. The unmarried, I take it, are the class that would include widowers, men and women who are single, separated, divorced, they are single for whatever reason. And the widows, particular group that he focuses on here, so the unmarried and to widows in particular. It is good for them if they remain even as I. It is good, there are advantages to the single life. It is good. Well, if they were married at one time, now they're single, don't you think then they have the gift of celibacy? They need to get married. Evidently not, this is what God says here. Maybe the gift of celibacy is given for a time. We have to agree, even if you desire to be married, if God hasn't provided a spouse for you, you draw upon His grace to live celibate, right? God never puts us in a position where we are not able to obey His Word. God never puts us in a position where His grace is not sufficient to sustain us so we can live obediently. There has no temptation overtaken you, but such as is common to man. And God will with the testing, temptation, provide a way of escape, a way so that you can function in conformity to His will.

Now those who are single and single again are in a position to consider, do I need to be married. Perhaps I would be able to serve the Lord more effectively. I need to evaluate my desires, I could be married and enjoy that and enjoy a sexual relationship, but I don't need to be married. And so Paul's recommendation, I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I. That's good, but note, it's not for everyone.

Verse 9, but if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn. Note verse 8 said it is good, verse 9 says it is better. What makes the difference? Someone who has strong, sexual desires, it is better that they marry than that they stay single. So it is relative here to the person. You can't make the decision for someone else. People come and ask, do you think it would be better if I stayed single? I can't answer that, I'm not you. I can tell you there are certain questions you have to ask yourself. Do you have a strong desire for sexual fulfillment? If you do, you should be seeking marriage. If you don't, you should seriously consider remaining single. That doesn't mean you can't get married even if the passion is not that strong, but you don't have to. But it is clear, it is better to marry than to burn. If they do not have self-control. You can see how a verse like this could get abused in church history where people would say, well, see, marriage is only for those who haven't developed mastery over their body. And so if I can assert the kind of control over my body where I can beat it into submission and not yield to its passions and burning desires, I am more holy and more godly. That's not what Paul is talking about. The not having self-control doesn't mean they are yielding to the sexual passions, because he's already dealt with that as sin that is not an option at the end of chapter 6. But the desires are there and they won't go away. And they have this ongoing desire for sexual fulfillment. It's better to marry than to burn, and our English Bibles have added with passion, and that gives you the idea here. And this metaphor of burning with sexual desire has been used all the way back over centuries and centuries, millenniums, to picture sexual desire.

So we say, sounds like you get married for sex. That's good. You know we get the idea because sex is something dirty you shouldn't get married for sex. Well why should you? Paul says if you don't sex, don't get married, you don't have to. I'm not saying sex is the only reason for marriage, but as we've noted in previous study, you can have friends, close relationships, close companions, but you can never have sex outside of marriage and be obedient to God. I realize there are other things that enter into the marriage relationship, and I'm not minimizing those, but we have to put the emphasis where the Bible does. Paul says if you don't have the need for sexual fulfillment, you should seriously at least consider the single life. That means that one thing absolutely is determinative here, and that is if you're burning with passion, you should be looking to get married. Now again, there are other things that enter into marriage. Of course. But the thing that is absolutely determinative is whether you will lead a celibate life or not.

And the goal is not, well I want to learn to subdue my passions. Well God doesn't say that's His plan. Now if He hasn't provided a marriage partner, obviously that is His will and His grace will be sufficient. And He will sustain you, but if I have strong sexual desires I'm looking to get married. It seems to me to be pretty simple and clear. I say that to the young people, college young people. If you have strong sexual passions, you should be looking to get married. Well, maybe after I get done with college......... Well, you know we've arbitrarily decided, the world has decided........ The age that people are getting married has gone up, up, up, so no we're in our mid-20s. But you know what also has come up, the flood of immorality. I sometimes get concerned that we as Christian parent just ignore parts of the Bible and we want to impress on our children because we want them to do well and be successful and not to have to struggle and make more money, and it's important to get your college out of the way first. Get a job and get established, then think about getting married. That may be your advice as a parent, but you need to be careful that you are not setting yourself up as God opposed to the only living God. God's plan is marriage and a person at 20 burning with sexual passion should be looking for the partner that God has for them, not deciding I'll make more money if I wait until I'm 27. It's just what God says.

Well, we try to tell our kids, it's just not practical, and you get married at 20 and then you'll have kids and you'll just struggle. Well, so they struggle. God's grace will be sufficient for them. Would you rather have them struggle financially or be immoral? We say, that doesn't have to be the choice. Well God says if you're not gifted by Him to remain single, you become vulnerable to the devil and in verse 1 of chapter 7, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But verse 2, but because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, each woman to have her own husband. The problem we have with immorality in the church is two-fold in light of chapter 7. 1) Husbands and wives aren't fulfilling their obligations to one another. We covered that. Have sex three, four, five, six times a week, whatever it takes. That will not leave you any energy to spread elsewhere. 2) While you as a parent may be able to list all the reasons why it's advantageous to get married later in life, God says because of immoralities let each of you have your own husband. So just cut to the chase. When you talk to your daughter, your son, come right to the point. Do you have strong sexual desires, are you burning with passion, do you really feel you need sexual fulfillment. Well I hate to admit it to my parents, but yeah. Well, good, that's natural, that's normal, that's what will be true of the majority. Now who do you think would make a good husband? Well I've been dating so-and-so, I think after four years we're going to get married. Forget the four years, what about four months?

What are we doing? Well, let's date and then drag it out and see how much of the temptation of the devil you are strong enough to stand. You can't win. Then we get into trouble and say, I don't know what happened. I tried to be a good parent and give them good advice. Give them biblical advice, don't give them your good advice. Tell them what God says. I'm not going to tell them they have to get married, I don't know if they should or they shouldn't, I'm going to just tell them what the Bible says. It is better to marry than to burn. So if you have strong sexual desires, if you don't get married, you are opening yourself to immorality. It is not amazing that so many young people are falling into bed with each other, rebelling against God. If you don't do what God says, you get into trouble. Then we sit and say, I don't know how we got into trouble.

Because of immoralities let each of you have his own wife, each woman her own husband. Verse 8, it's good to remain single, verse 9, it is better to marry than to burn. We're all agreed on that, right? So if your 19, 20-year-old comes to talk to one of the pastors for advice and they come back to you and you say, what did they say? They said we probably should get married. You say, that's terrible advice, why would they tell you that? Call up, we'll probably say well they're burning with passion. What's that got to do with it? Well it's the biblical thing. You see how we get off track? We turn aside and somehow other things seem good to us and instead of following what is better we try to.......

All right, I have a list of things here. If you're single and want to get married: 1) God's grace will enable you to remain celibate until a biblical outlet and marriage is provided. So there is never any excuse for immorality. But if you don't do the biblical thing, you're going to become more vulnerable and find yourself overwhelmed with temptation. 2) Be careful about stimulation of thoughts and desires when there is not a biblical possibility of fulfillment. Don't be sitting there thinking how you'd like to be in bed with this perfect man or woman and fulfilling your desires, because the more you think about it, the more you'll want to be fulfilled. Like a person who is going to go on a diet, so what do you want to do? I want to sit down at the table filled with all kinds of my favorite foods and then just tell myself, you can't eat it. That's not the way you do. You say that's stupid, I mean you're just setting yourself up for failure. So be careful about your thought life. 3) Seek a godly person as a potential spouse. You won't find them in a bar, incidentally. Don't date the unbeliever, they are not future marriage material. You can't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, so don't be hanging around, dating them, making them your closest companion as a guy/girl thing, girl/guy thing because you can't marry them. 4) Be realistic, a godly person is not a perfect person. Sometimes we think it has to be this person. You know, you want a spiritual person, but understand that person is going to grow with you. Be realistic, I don't have to be the most handsome or most beautiful person. Marilyn got the man, so............. We read some from Song of Solomon. I don't know that there are any Shulamites left, there aren't any Solomons that look like that, I guess. Be realistic. You know you're not marrying someone so you can impress other people, you are marrying the person that will be right for you. They may not be beautiful to someone else, but they are beautiful to me; may not be desirable to someone else, but they are desirable to me. I mean, be realistic. 5) Be the kind of person someone would want to marry. Consider yourself to be a good spouse. Why does someone want to marry you? You don't look like very good husband material to me—lazy, goofy, I don't know what you're going to do to provide a living. You are to be a provider and protector and you can't even get out of bed. That's just the man side, and that leads me to men. You know men in this whole area, we are to be the leaders, take the initiative, be ready to assume the responsibility God has given you. I don't want to get into anything right now. Well good grief, who would want to marry you? I mean, men, we are to take the initiative. I believe God wants me to be married, that's the plan, that's the general plan. I'm not dabbling around here, I'm looking for the right woman, the right woman is waiting for me to look for her. 6) Remember marriage is a lifetime commitment, it will take work.

In my first hour class I said that Marilyn was the only one who really didn't have to work at being married to me and someone spoke up in the class, they are allowed to talk back there, it's not a good idea, and said well she must be on drugs. I just put something in her cereal every morning and she's happy with me. You know let me say something here, I don't want to get totally sidetracked but I already am and I'm not even going to get over what I did the last hour. You don't have to marry the one you love, you have to love the one you marry. That's why in the Bible arranged marriages work. You know the servant could go off and find a wife for Isaac. Well what if Isaac doesn't love her? Well she is going to be his wife, he has to love her. You know we get the idea that love is something, all of a sudden someday it just came blowing through the door and hit me and I was head over heels with her or him. I don't want you to misunderstand, I don't have any problem with falling in love and getting married. But you understand, you don't have to marry someone you love, you do have to love someone you marry. In other words, the one you marry is the one you have to love. You say, well how do I control that? People come and say, I just don't love them anymore. Well, then, start. What do you mean, kind of like going out and starting the car? Didn't you hear me, I don't love them anymore. Well, start loving them. Doesn't the Bible command us, husbands love your wives. Do it. People act like we can't do it, it's not possible. He who rejects this is not rejecting man, he's rejecting God, the God who give you His Holy Spirit. Don't tell Him what He can't do, don't tell Him what you can't do that He told you must do.

So marriage is God's plan. There are exceptions. You have to consider. I've talked with single people at various ages and they've expressed to me, I could be married but it is also true I'm perfectly content not to be married, I don't feel that burning passion that I have to fulfill. I can be perfectly content to lead a celibate life the rest of my life. Now there may be other issues that are taught, like being a companion, but the fact is they can sit and say that. Then, it is proper for you to consider the single life and that is an advantage God has given you. It's not one He has given everyone. You know at the beginning of my ministry I shared with you, as I was dating Marilyn and anticipating getting married I contemplated, could I be a better preacher, travel to places and preach the Word if I wasn't married. And I had to consider, that's not an option for me. God's plan for me is to be married so His plan for me serving Him will be as a married person. And I might have a certain amount of envy, respect for those gifted differently than I, but that's not what God has gifted me to do and be. Paul could say later, and he will, we'll get to it, I wish that all of you could prophesy. But the fact is, not all of them were gifted to prophesy. And Paul appreciated the gift of prophecy and he had it and he could wish they all could do it and they could all speak in tongues but they don't. And he could say I wish you could all be gifted like I am for celibacy. But God gives His gifts out according to His will.

So where are we? Now we'll find out. God's plan for sexual fulfillment is only marriage, He has provided for those who would be single and that is a special gift that is to be appreciated by all but not to be practiced by all. And for the majority of us, marriage is God's plan. That means we ought to be preparing our young people for what God says their roles will be, first as a husband, father, provider, protector; a woman as a wife, mother, keeper of the home. And this is what we prepare them for and we need to be realistic. They say that the sexual desire peaks somewhere in the early 20s and we think well if you get married closer to 30 it is better, marriages last longer. Well, God's plan is always right, I submit to God's plan and then we work the plan in the power of the Spirit. It's a beautiful plan. Now we're going to talk about it's not working, we're going to talk about in the next two verses, 10-11, about the whole issue of divorce between two Christians. And is that a possibility and the reality is it does happen and what then. Then we're going to talk about the matter of a Christian married to a non-Christian and where does this go. And in that context we will talk about any allowance for divorce, also looking at the exception passages in I Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19. Again, our desire is what? To work through and diligently apply ourselves to the study of God's Word so that we can handle it accurately, not just factually, but handle it accurately by implementing it in our lives and living obediently to it. And then we are workmen, approved.

God's plan is perfect and He has provided salvation so that we might experience the cleansing and the empowering of the Spirit so that we can live out our lives and our relationships as He created us to live.

Let's pray together. Thank you, Lord, for your great grace. Thank you for a salvation that is powerful for the transformation of lives—the immoral, the filthy, the liars, the deceitful, the thieves. Lord, there is no end to the list of sins, all because we are sinners and there is no solution but the cleansing that comes to a person who turns from their sin and casts themselves upon your mercy and experiences your grace by placing their faith in your Son who loved them and died for them. Thank you, Lord, that Jesus Christ died to cleanse us and set us free and now we can live as your children lives of obedience to your truth that we might have life more abundantly. Lord, I pray for those who are here today who are struggling with some of these very issues. Some are in immorality, some are not functioning in their marriage relationship as they should, some, Lord, do not know you. Lord, I pray that your Spirit will use your truth in each of our lives according to our own personal needs. We pray in Christ's name, amen.