Obedience to Parents: A Divine Command

Transcript

GR 992
11/30/1997
Obedience to Parents: A Divine Command
Colossians 3:20-21
Gil Rugh

We’re studying the book of Colossians on Sunday morning, so if you would turn to Colossians, Chapter 3. We have come to a section in Colossians that deals with matters relating to families: the proper functioning of a wife in relationship to her husband, the proper functioning of a husband in relationship to his wife, the way children are to respond and function in relationship to their parents, and a father’s responsibility to the children. We’ve been taking a little extra time on each of these areas. We’ve also been continuing in the evening to pick up areas that we did not have time to cover in our study together in the morning, and we will be doing that again tonight, picking up on the subject of children, parents, discipline and so on. So, we’ll be covering part of the material this morning and part of it this evening.

We talk about matters relating to the family. I think it’s very important for us as Christians to have a proper perspective on the family in these days, and I think there is a distortion in the emphasis that is present in the church today, and it’s not the distortion that is often given attention. I believe we have elevated the family to a position that is not its biblical position. Now, follow along with me on this before you get discouraged or tuned out. As I would understand Scripture, and we’ll focus particularly on the New Testament, it seems to me that the basic foundational relationship is the relationship with God and the relationship with the people of God. The relationship we have together as God’s people supersedes every other human relationship. We love Him more than we love father or mother, brother or sister, as Jesus spoke in the gospels, and He has brought us together in a relationship that supersedes all others, the relationship in the local church as the spiritual family of God. This does not mean our earthly families are not important and do not have a place, but if you just look at the amount of material given to the subject of the family in the New Testament, and we could do the same with the Old but just focusing on the New, I think we’re reminded that it has to be put into balance. And really what the scripture is concerned about, and this comes out again in Colossians, is that the people who have been redeemed by God’s grace through faith in Christ be displaying the character of God in all of their activities and in all of their relationships, so that the consuming purpose of the scripture is that God’s people manifest God’s character.

Thus in the Book of Colossians, in the first two chapters, He has clearly established the work of God in reconciling us to Himself in Christ, and in Christ we have died to sin and been made alive to righteousness. We have been made new in Christ. So in chapter 3, He’s talking about how we who have been redeemed are to live, with our minds now focused on things above, as verses 1 and 2 said, not on the things on the earth, because we have died. So earthly relationships, earthly activities, are not the focus of our life, but heavenly things are. And as we carry out our earthly responsibilities, go about our earthly business, conduct our earthly relationships, it is all to be in the context that as the redeemed, we are the people of God, and the beauty of His character is to be seen in all that we are and all that we do. So He told them in verse 16 that they were to “let the word of Christ richly dwell within them,” and that simply means that God’s truth is to pervade our lives, to be part of our very being. It molds and shapes us in all that we do and all that we say. It’s another way of saying what Ephesians 5:18 says, “Be filled with the Spirit,” live your life under the control of the indwelling Holy Spirit of God. So that in Colossians 3:17, “whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” So His word dwells richly within us. We function under the control of His Spirit. Everything we do is to be done in the name of the Lord Jesus, as those who are related to Him, who belong to Him, who are serving Him.

Then He goes on to address specific relationships. How does a godly wife manifest her godly character in relationship to her husband? She is to be subject to her husband. How does a godly husband manifest godly character in his relationship to his wife? He loves his wife and is not harsh or bitter towards her. How do children or young people, who have come to know Christ, manifest godly character in relationship to their parents? They are obedient to their parents. How do fathers manifest godliness, their responsibility in disciplining and overseeing their homes and their children? They raise them and nurture them in the admonition of the Lord. They don’t exasperate or irritate them. It’s important we see that the foundation and framework for these relationships and functioning as we’re being instructed is godliness, the work of God in our lives. We have elevated the family so that we think we’re being effective because we’re pouring all our thinking into how to have a family that's all that it ought to be. And the most popular writings, the most popular Christian programs are programs that have a focus on family issues. That dominates our thinking, and yet the scripture has relatively little to say about the subject directly, because the solution or key to having a proper family is be a godly person. Be a godly person. We want shortcuts. We want 7 steps to this or 4 steps to that or 12 steps to this. God’s plan is to be godly. “Keep seeking things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of the Father. Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth.... Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you...” If you function like that, you will be the right kind of husband, the right kind of father, the right kind of wife, the right kind of young person. If godliness is not the focus of your life, then you’ll find the more attention you give to the family, it seems the more confused things get, and we have totally flipped things around. We have people who don’t come to church at times because it’s their family time. Family time. We don’t come to church on Sunday night, well that’s family night. Well I was raised in a family where my dad said we as a family go to church on Sunday night, we go on Sunday morning, we went on Wednesday night, we were always at church, I don’t know. But, we have totally turned around, and we want to be told how to have a family. The most popular classes we’ve ever had at Indian Hills were classes on the family. Usually the most popular sermons are sermons on the family. But every sermon is a sermon on the family. Every study of the Word is a sermon. Why? Because it’s speaking to me about being godly. It’s taking in the Word of God to shape and mold my life. That enables me to be the right kind of husband, the right kind of father and so on. We lose our perspective. Then we’re racing down rabbit trails all over, and then we begin to look for specifics--tell me how to raise children, tell me how to, tell me how to, and we lose our way.

So we want to look and see what the Bible says about this area. We pick up with verse 20, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” or “in the Lord.” Now each of these instructions are given to the group that is under consideration. For example, wives, not husbands train your wives, to be submissive. Its wives be submissive. The wife that has the word of Christ richly dwelling within her manifests it this way. Husbands, love your wives, so that as a man who desires to be godly and have God’s character manifest in my life in my relationship with my wife, my pursuit is to love her with the love of Christ. Now, He addresses children. He doesn’t primarily address parents in their responsibility to discipline or see that their kids are obedient. He addresses the children in their responsibility, and the address here would make clear He’s not talking about real young children, but He’s talking about those who are able to understand and carry out the instruction here--older children, young people as we might term them today, since children carries the idea perhaps of very young.

A responsibility here and an encouragement, just as a side line, we sometimes talk about the salvation of children and young people. In the context, when He says at the end of the verse, “for this is well-pleasing to the Lord,” that is literally “in the Lord.” It seems He’s addressing young people who profess to be in the Lord. They claim a relationship with Christ. Here is how young people, who are in the Lord, manifest the character of God in relationship to their parents. They are obedient. So a command is given, “Children,” young people, “be obedient to your parents in all things.” So the responsibility of Christian young people is simple. If you are truly a child of God, if you have been truly saved by God’s grace through believing in Christ, you manifest your godly character in obedience to your parents. Wait a minute, you don’t know my parents. Well, maybe I do, maybe I don’t, but the command is clear. “Be obedient to your parents.” You know, it’s the same kind of unqualified instruction that was given to wives in their realm, to husbands in their realm, now to children in their realm. It would be carried out to slaves in their realm and masters in their realm, for the responsibility of manifesting the character of God is upon each of us individually. I am responsible to manifest God’s character in my relationship to my wife, regardless of what kind of wife she is, and true in all my other relationships as well.

We need to be careful, we delude ourselves in thinking this is an exceptional situation. Children are to be obedient to their parents in all things. It’s unqualified. Parents are in charge. The responsibility of children and young people is to be obedient to their parents, and the reason is, this is pleasing in the Lord, this is what is pleasing to God, for His people to function this way. For you as a child and a young person to obey your parents, that’s why you do it. Not because your parents are reasonable, rational. What parent is reasonable and rational? I mean, every young person is afflicted with parents who don’t understand. But you know, God is gracious and kind and thoughtful. He knows we are but dust, and as a young person, you don’t have to sort it out. What is my responsibility as a young person? Be obedient to my parents. What about when I don’t like what they are telling me to do, or I don’t agree with it, and on we go. “Be obedient to your parents.” That’s the manifestation of godly character. It’s not very difficult. The reason will not impact or influence the world, so we’re talking about people who have been redeemed by God’s grace. We could talk more broadly about God’s will for society, but Paul’s concern here is for the people of God who claim a relationship with God and thus desire to be pleasing to Him. “To do,” in verse 17, “all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” So you’re a young person who professes to know Christ, but you’re in rebellion against your parents, disobedient to your parents. You are manifesting your character. You’re manifesting rebellion against God, and that kind of pattern raises the question of whether you’ve really experienced the redeeming grace of God in the life as well.

This will of God pervades the scripture. I want to read several verses with you through the Old Testament, but let’s start in Genesis. We started with the wives in Genesis, we started with the husbands in Genesis, let's start with the children in Genesis. Genesis, chapter l, verse 27, a summary of creation, and in verse 27, “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them”. The details of how that was carried out are unfolded in chapter 2, man from the dust, woman from the side part of man. Here you have it summarized. Then note verse 28, “And God blessed them; and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it'.” What I did want to pick up here is the note that children were part of God’s plan from the beginning.

Sometimes, especially in rebellious teenage years, you think they are the result of the fall. The rebellion is, but children were part of God’s original plan. When He created Adam and then He created Eve from the side part of Adam, He brought the woman to the man, and we’re told that is the foundation for marriage. “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to His wife...” God’s intention was a sexual relationship which would express their oneness, and out of that would come children that would fill the earth and subdue it. There is order in the creation from the very beginning, even before the fall as we have talked about. As scripture unfolds it, the children would be submissive to the parents; and within the parental relationship, the wife submissive to the husband who is submissive to God. Now sin has brought disorder in. But the plan of God is nonetheless there, so we say we could have talked about the order from the perspective of society generally. Here is God’s plan for His creation. That includes the order that He established, includes the marriage relationship and so on. We are particularly going to be focusing on the relationship among those who profess to be the people of God.

Turn over to Exodus, second book in the Old Testament. Exodus, chapter 20, and we’re going to read a number of passages, because I just want you to get a feel for the emphasis in scripture on the responsibility of children to be obedient to their parents. And in much of this we’re going to be dealing with older children. By older children I would mean what we call young people, teenagers, and so on, not just the little, little, little children. We’ll talk about discipline more this evening. But the relationship is established, and that’s true for the various ages of children and young people. Exodus, chapter 20, where we have God giving His law to Moses. Look at verse 12, “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” The responsibility to honor our parents, and that is not restricted by age. We won’t be going into this in this study, but in the gospels, Jesus rebuked the religious leaders of His day. They had found a way, they thought, to ignore the commandment to honor their parents with their physical resources by declaring them dedicated to God. Their financial means had been dedicated to God, so I couldn’t use it to support you and so on. Obviously, we’re talking about adult children caring for elderly parents in that kind of context. Jesus said the command to honor the parents is still there.

We’ll pick up in Ephesians when we get there, and this promise, “that your days may be prolonged,” Paul will say is the first of the commandments God gave that have a promise associated with it. So you see that it has special importance, that God gave a special promise to the Israelites, that He would give them added blessing and extended life in the honoring of their parents.

Exodus 21, verse 17, you get the negative side of not honoring the parents, “And he who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” Now Israel is an earthly nation. God takes very seriously this command to honor your parents. You dishonor them by cursing them, speaking against them. The penalty within Israel, an earthly nation that functioned as an earthly people with penalties and so on and capital punishment. It was a capital offense.

Look over in Leviticus, chapter 19, just after Exodus. Leviticus 19, and note the context here, verse l, “Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 'speak to all the congregation of the sons of Israel and say to them, “You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.”'” You see the context is godliness. The context is being holy as God’s people, a people set apart from sin, set apart from the world, set apart to God. “Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father.” Interesting. “You be holy for I am holy...I am the Lord your God,” he says at the end of the verse. Now you reverence your mother and your father. You give them the honor, the fear, the respect that is due them because they are your parents. Not because they do things that make them respectable, but because they are something, they are your parents. That’s the reason.

Deuteronomy, chapter 21. You’re in Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy 21. This elaborates on the command we saw in Exodus, showing that rebellion against parents was a capital offense in Israel. Deuteronomy 21:18, “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father and his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear of it and fear.” I guess so. I mean parents had added leverage in Israel. If you don’t want to do what we tell you, we’ll go to the elders. If we go to the elders, you won’t be coming back. Now, you stop and think of the pressure this put on the parents. You know, we’re always thinking when my kids crossed the line, how would you like to have been in Israel and think, well now, do I go and report him to the elders and have them stone him to death? The point we want to pick up here is how seriously God meant the command to obey your parents and honor them and respect them, and no disrespect was to be tolerated, because it was a rebellion against God that was being displayed, and these were the people of God. Now in the New Testament, obviously, the church is not a nation. We don’t function with the laws of a nation, but this emphasis is carried over that God expects of His people the manifestation of His character, and for children and young people, that means obedience. So, that idea is still carried over.

Go to Proverbs, chapter 1. Proverbs, chapter 1, verse 8. In the context of verse 7, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and do not forsake your mother’s teaching; Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head, and ornaments about your neck.”

This context we’ll see as we move to the next verse in Colossians and then look in Ephesians. That when we talk about children being obedient to their parents, it's respect of them and also submission and response to the teaching of God’s truth, that is to be characteristic of a godly home. You are to listen to your father’s instruction, and not forsake your mother’s teaching. Note, you are to respect and obey both parents. Colossians says, “Children, be obedient to your parents.” You see in the passage we read in the Old Testament it is to both father and mother. Because what? Father and mother, the two have become one. Sadly, we don’t manifest godliness sometimes in our relationship as parents, so we allow the children and young people to work us against each other. But in the scripture’s view, when we’re talking about true holiness and godliness, that should not be going on. Because my wife and I are one, and disrespect for the mother is disrespect for the father.

We see that as we move through Proverbs. Turn over to chapter 6, verse 20, “My son, observe the commandment of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.” You join together, parental leadership and instruction here. “Bind them continually on your heart; tie them around your neck,” and so on. Go over to Proverbs 19:26, “He who assaults his father and drives his mother away is a shameful and disgraceful son. Cease listening, my son, to discipline, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.” Obviously, here we’re talking about older children now who don’t want to be bothered with their parents. You know, just like children when we’re born as babies into a home, we are a bother, we take time. Well then we raise our children, we get old, we become a burden to our children, we pay them back. But, you know, often children don’t want to be bothered. I mean, I've got my own life, I've got my own kids to be bothered with, and I don’t want to use my resources on my elderly parents, and on we go. We don’t want to put it that way, so we look for ways to absolve ourselves and distance ourselves from the responsibility. “He who assaults his father and drives his mother away is a shameful and disgraceful son.” So, we need to take that to heart. You know, even though I’m grown, honoring my parents means I still have a responsibility there, and I cannot shirt that responsibility and be a godly person. Continual emphasis of scripture here is on obedience, submission, and respect to the parents.

Now, we come over into the New Testament. Come to Romans, chapter l. We want to put into proper perspective what the problem is. Now again, I’m focusing on older, young people. By older I’d say let's talk about teenagers. I realize we have a problem with obedience and so on at the youngest age, but that becomes a parental responsibility. You know, it’s hard to tell a three-year-old, 'let's sit down and let me show you the scriptures.' I’m not saying you shouldn’t teach your children scripture, but with a three-year old that’s not listening, it’s a parental responsibility to see that they do, and they are in a position to be “forced” to obey. I’m amazed, we were shopping the other day, maybe it’s been about three weeks ago. We were in a store and there was a mother and a grandmother there, you could tell because they looked alike, one was older. They had a child. I don’t know, the child was three or four, and this kid was throwing a fit in the store. I mean everybody in the store, you know how you’re in the aisle and everybody is walking down, looking around, you know, to see if somebody is being murdered and I want to be sure to see it. This kid was just throwing a fit. I didn’t know what to do. You know, you see them try to pick up the kid and the kid got its legs flailing and the hands flailing and the grandmother is trying to grab on. They just didn’t know what to do. So, finally the mother drags the kid out of the store. We went out probably 15-20 minutes later, and you know, they hadn’t gotten any farther then just outside the door. The kid was on the sidewalk, and the mother, red-faced, didn’t know what to do. Now, you know, things have changed in our society because if I had done that when I was four and with my mother, some strange adult that I wouldn’t have known who this man was, would have gotten a hold of me and put me straight. In our society now, we just all gawk, and you have to be careful. If you hit the little dear, you probably would go to jail. All of that to say, what we’re focusing on is the instruction to children. But we want to know where this rebellion comes from, and it gets more openly manifested as they get older.

In Romans, chapter 1, we’re talking about those who have rejected God. Romans 1:18 says, “The wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness...” People who have rejected God have rejected the revelation He has given of Himself. They are under the wrath of God, and part of the expression of the wrath of God is that He gives them over to their sin. “Therefore,” verse 24 said, “God gave them over in the lust of their hearts to impurity,” and the open display of man’s sexual immorality is evidence of his rebellion against God and the judgment of God upon him for his sin. He becomes consumed with his own passions. God gave them over, in verse 26, to degrading passions and homosexuality, and all of that's now unfolded. I read in the paper and some of you would have seen it too recently, about a couple of schools, one in Texas I believe, for children and young people who are homosexual. They don’t have to go to school where kids might make fun of them. Here they can be encouraged in that lifestyle, and I say we are just in the pits; but we are right where God says we are as those who have rejected Him.

Then you come to verse 28. “They did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer.” You see they don’t want God in their life. God gave them over to a depraved mind to do things which are not proper. They are filled with unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, full of envy, murder. You note how God puts things together here. Wait, well envy, that’s a little different than murder. God sees it as an expression of the same thing--a fallen, rebellious, sinful rejection of Him. Verse 30: “They are slanderers, haters of God,” and the end of verse 30, “disobedient to parents.” Disobedience to parents is a manifestation of a person who is disobedient to God, who has rejected God in his life.

Now, let's see, we’ll talk more about this tonight, that foolishness is built up in the heart of a child, that fallen nature expresses itself. But as a child gets older and more of a position, if you will, to manifest this character and his disobedience, they do get to a point, or as in Israel, we’ve got a child we can no longer control. You've got an l8-year old who refuses to obey the parents, maybe strong enough to beat up both the parents. What're the parents to do? The parents say, I don’t know what to do, I can’t do anything. What they are really manifesting is their rejection of God. Now we need to be careful. Sometimes as parents, you know, the dearest thing to our heart is the salvation of our children, and we see this disobedience more openly manifesting the character and pattern of their life. But we want to, what? Tell them, 'look, you trusted Christ when you were six. You’re a Christian, you shouldn’t function like this.' We want to be careful of that because that may not be true. The real problem may be that they didn’t trust Christ when they were six or whenever. They’re revealing their true character. I would rather tell them you professed to be a believer, but your behavior denies that you are, because young people who have trusted Christ have their character changed, they are obedient to their parents. That doesn’t mean perfect obedience in every situation any more than I have manifested perfect love to my wife. But, the character of my life ought to manifest God’s character in this area. It’s a manifestation of fallen nature and rebellion against God when young people disobey their parents.

So, we see our society, doing what? Disintegrating, and the rebellion of children and young people becomes almost overwhelming. It's written about in secular places as well as we have it in scripture, and yet we ought not to be surprised. We’re seeing the manifestation of a depraved mind, and you see the deterioration become more and more openly evident.

Turn over to II Timothy, chapter 3. Look at verse 1. “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good.” Down to verse 5, “holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; and avoid such men as these.” Disobedient to parents is one of the marks of the deterioration that will go on. I say this, and we may come back to it, we will come back to it in our study tonight, but the fact that any of our children turn out so to speak, are saved, is a testimony of God’s grace. That’s the only explanation. We need to be careful. That doesn’t mean that I as a parent don’t have responsibilities, but in the end, that any sinner is saved is God’s grace and God’s grace alone. But, we have to have a clear understanding why are children rebellious. Because they are sinners.

Now for young people, back in Colossians 3:20, you profess to know Jesus Christ. You profess to believe in Him. Then you will manifest that in obedience to your parents in all things, because this is what pleases God. You do it because it pleases God. That’s the desire of your heart, if you have truly been redeemed by God. So your responsibility as a young person is clear. If you truly know Jesus Christ, you will manifest it in willing obedience to your parents.

Now I have decided that some children never trust Christ, but they never rebel against their parents. So that's not saying that every child who is obedient is a believer, but it does say that children who are believers are to manifest God’s character in their obedience to their parents.

A word to fathers here, and then I want to back up to Ephesians. We will fill this in in our next study. Verse 21, “Fathers do not exasperate your children that they may not lose heart.” A balance is given. Like he gave an address to wives to be submissive to their husbands. Then you had a word to husbands regarding their responsibility as those who were over their wives in authority. You have instruction to children and young people to be obedient to your parents. Now you have a word of instruction to the person with the authority, fathers. Then you have a word to slaves about being obedient and submissive. Then you will have a word to masters about how they exercise their authority, so you have that balance given through here. Children were to be obedient to their parents, but then the word is given to the father of how he exercises authority, because ultimate authority in the home resides in the father, as we have seen, wives be submissive to your husbands.

I take it the exercising of discipline in the home, doesn’t mean the mother will never discipline the child, but the ultimate responsibility for discipline in the home will rest with the father, and as the father, I am responsible to keep my children in order. But, I have to be careful that keeping them in order does not become the purpose, and I want to prove to everyone how disciplined my kids are. That’s not the goal of my life. The goal is to nurture them in the Lord and I trust by His grace to bring them to His salvation. So, fathers are not to exasperate their children, and that’s a command like the other instructions were. Do not be exasperating your children, provoking your children, irritating your children. I was watching something yesterday, just saw a little blurb of it, but it was in England, I believe. I didn’t see enough of it to know where it was, but it was somewhere over there. I could tell by the way the guy was talking, and he was a sheep herder. He didn’t herd his sheep but he used dogs to keep them in order, and at one point to show how obedient his dogs were, he's got to take seven dogs to help keep his huge flock. He's got like 2500 sheep in order. He is standing on one hill and he called out to his dogs, gave a little whisper and called out. Those dogs got up, ran to the left, laid down. Then he’d call them again, they would run to the right and lie down. They did that several times just to show how completely obedient, just with the right whistle or the right word they got up and ran to this spot and stopped. I think sometimes parents, as I was thinking about this pattern, I worry that sometimes fathers will do that with their kids. I just want to show how much in authority I am with my kids, and I’m using my authority in such a way that I exasperate them. It’s a constant irritation to them, and I’m commanded not to do that.

Now again, there are times discipline has to be kneaded out; but discipline, not because I’m demonstrating my authority, but discipline because it’s necessary, because of what they’ve done. It’s discipline that has a purpose here. I’ve disciplined them because I’m irritated. I had a hard day, and I lost my temper. No. I’m not always on their case. They can never quite get it right. In those kind of things, I’m not manifesting godly character. If I’m manifesting godly character as a father in the discipline in my home and in the treatment of my children, I will not be exasperating them. Now, that doesn’t mean there won’t be times when they won’t like it because they are disciplined and so on, but it’s not the tenor here that they are constantly being provoked, irritated.

So, as a father I have to be a godly man. Thus, in the discipline in my home with my children, I’ve got to exercise godliness in disciplining them. Doesn’t mean I don’t discipline them. It means I’m disciplining them in a godly manner, which won’t be then geared to irritate them and provoke them. Sometimes there’s a problem with men and fathers. You think that there is a war here, and I’m going to prove who’s in charge. Well, I don’t have to prove it. I am. I’m the father, and the discipline will be kneaded out. But, I shouldn’t be irritating and provoking them, that they lose heart. I mean they just give up, you can never do it right, can never do it in a way that pleases him.

Now in Roman society, you understand, the children were commanded to be obedient to their parents, and parents had absolute authority and, particularly, the father in the home. I mean, to the point of life and death. With birth the father could instruct that the child, the newborn, be put out to die in the elements. Some commentaries you read will have an excerpt from a letter written around the New Testament times and the father writes to his wife, the husband is in another part of the empire and he writes back. She’s getting ready to bear a child. He says if it’s a boy, raise it in health. If it’s a girl, put it out in the elements to die. I mean, that’s the kind of authority the father had. The father had more authority over his children than he had over his slaves. You could only sell a slave once, but you could sell your children multiple times. Sell the child into slavery. Then when he was freed, you could reclaim him and resell him again. You couldn’t do that with a slave. There is an absolute authority manifested here. Children are still commanded; you be obedient to your parents. That’s how they manifest godly character. Now for a father, you have to understand that I’m responsible for my children in my home, and I don’t want to in any way dishearten the children.

Back up to Ephesians, chapter 6. I’ll make some comments on this, and then we’ll break it off and pick up here in our study tonight. Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” It is foundational. Why should children obey their parents? Because it’s right. It’s what God intends for those who belong to Him. It’s what God intends in His creation, but He expects it and requires it among those who belong to Him. “Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise.” We saw that commandment back in Exodus. It’s repeated other places as well in the Pentateuch. “That it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but”, the positive side, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. The discipline and instruction of the Lord. That discipline, a word that means child training, that process of correction, of discipline, of instruction, is part of the child training process. I have to be understanding, they have to grow. This 4-year old is not a 14-year old, this 14-year old is not a 24-year old.

There is a proper training process. The instruction, we get the word in English, we use it in English, nouthetic, from this Greek word, sometimes used with counseling. It has the idea of admonition, correction, warning. The discipline and the instruction of the Lord. I want to nurture them in the things of the Lord, discipline them in the things of the Lord. That means as their father here. You note the instruction in verse 4 again in Ephesians, given to fathers as it was in Colossians. They are ultimately responsible here for the discipline in the home, and I must be a godly man. Otherwise, my discipline begins to lose some of its impact as well, particularly as my children get older and see my hypocrisy of a disregard for God’s will for me. Disregarding responding to God won’t change the child’s responsibility, because if he is a believer his responsibility is to be obedient, even if he has an ungodly father. But as parents who love the Lord, I want to reinforce what I am saying and doing in their lives. I want to nurture them in the things of God. So as a godly parent, a godly father, I want to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

That means I won’t be provoking them to anger, won’t be irritating them, because my discipline is within the framework of the Word of God and the will of God for their development. You know, it’s not so difficult as we’re making it. You know, you’ve got all these books and all these programs and all these conferences being run on being parents, and here we have pretty well covered what the New Testament says on children and parents. You know the problem is not that we don’t know what to do, the problem is we don’t want to do what God says. You know, I know you say be godly, but, that’s not enough. It’s as though, well, what God said here is good and it’s helpful as far as it goes, but you know, it’s just not enough. We’ll talk more about that tonight. I say it is enough, but there are no shortcuts. I have to be a godly man. Well, you know, I’ve got my hands full with other things. I would just like to get these teenagers raised and out of here. Well, we understand the problem if we’ve raised teenagers, but the responsibility as a father is, be godly. The responsibility as a young person, be godly.

Come back to Deuteronomy 6. I want to read this as we close. Seems like we’ve come to Deuteronomy 6 in each of our studies on this subject. As I get some perspective here, they say raise my children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. Deuteronomy 6, verse 5, in instruction to the people of God, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” You see, I have to be a godly person. That’s my responsibility. God is a consuming passion of my life, whether I’m a young person or I’m a parent. “And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart...” That’s a start for me as a father. I have these words on my heart. You know, “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you.” This would shape all of my thinking, all of my actions. “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and as frontals on your forehead. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

You see what it says? My kids are to be raised in an environment of godliness, where God is everything. It’s just natural. We talk about it. They see my business is shaped by my love for God and desire to honor Him, not by my desire to make more money. How I use my time is shaped by my love for God in honoring Him. It doesn’t mean I can never have fun, doesn’t mean we never do anything, we don’t talk about God, but it’s just a natural thing. I really believe we as parents, and particularly fathers, are the focus here since that’s where the emphasis is in the New Testament passages. That’s what we must do in our home. Not, “Sit down, I’m going to teach you about the doctrine of...” No problem if you do that, although I would understand that that primarily is done through the church with the functioning of the gifts, but it does take place in the home. It’s just the environment they see it lived out, and so naturally I’m raising them in this.

I can’t change their heart, but I can raise them in this context and they see that this is what I expect of them, this is how we live, this is how I live. I say I’m telling them they ought to do right, they ought to not do this, but they see me cheating, they see me being indifferent. You see, I’m not driven by these things. They say, “oh yeah.” It’s important for me to do it here, but not important for them. I’m not saying that excuses young people from being godly, but I’m saying I bear responsibility then as a father. I haven’t modeled the godliness that I am responsible for in my home, that we love the Lord with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our might. I want to raise you in that environment, nurture you. So to be a godly father is the goal, to be a godly young person is the goal. Godliness is the goal.

So all these other programs, I clipped an article out, I may refer to it tonight, from Newsweek last year, and you know they got the building of a better dad. I like it because he’s standing by his Porsche. Most men today say they are better fathers than their fathers were, caring more, trying harder. Is that true? Is the new sensitive dad what kids really knew? Well, you know, one thing they say about the fathers of the 50’s, they overwhelmingly stayed married and supported their families with their paycheck, an example that seems too lost on many of the offspring. The point is we’re trying to remake fathers, but as they evaluate the evidence and the results, we don’t find that that makes any difference. American fathers spend an average of 45 minutes a day with their kids. Japanese fathers spend three minutes. But on the rule Japanese have less problems with their kids than Americans do. We’ve come up with all these kind of ideas, and all I’m saying is what we really need to get back to, what we really need are godly parents, godly children. That solves the problem. Oh no, that guideline is good, but I need to spend some time. I remember, and this was several years ago, a family that used to be at Indian Hills and we were visiting them in another state. He said, well, you know, I used to listen to a Bible-teaching program at this hour, but now I listen to a program that helps me raise my kids. I think that’s where we’ve gone. We are so consumed; fathers don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be everything the world tells me to be. All I have to be is a godly parent.

Tell me about Paul’s parents. You know, you’d think if he didn’t know the human reality maybe he was raised without parents. He never mentions them, even when he gives his testimony. We’ve lost sight what the scriptures are concerned about. You be godly. You be godly as a young person by being obedient to your parents. You be godly as a father by raising your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and not provoking them to anger with your discipline. God is gracious in the salvation He has given us, He has made us new in Christ, and He has made it possible for us to live lives that are pleasing to Him and affective in the accomplishing of His purposes. Let’s pray together.

Lord, sometimes the simplicity in the clarity of your Word causes us to think that it is inadequate or insufficient or not enough. Thank you, Lord, for the clear, simple instruction to children and young people to be obedient to their parents. Lord, I pray for the young people that are here today who are being rebellious, some in an open way, some in more sneaky ways. Lord, they know in their heart they have rejected the authority of their parents, they’re rebelling, they’re disobedient. Lord, I pray that they might see it as an evidence of their attitude toward You. I pray, Lord, for the Christian young people here, that they might see the importance of manifesting godliness in the relationship to their parents, when it’s contrary to the tide of the day, the activity of friends, the influence of those they go to school with. Lord, give them Your grace, may they draw upon Your sufficiency to be godly young people. Lord, I pray for the fathers who are here, that they might take to heart the importance of being a godly person, that they might manifest godliness in the way that they exercise discipline in their homes, the way they raise their children. For all of us, Lord, may we be reminded again that our focus is to be on things above, not on things on the earth. Then are relationships on the earth will function as they should. Thank you for your Truth. Thank you for your Spirit who applies the truth to our hearts. We praise you, in Christ’s name. Amen.